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Letting him down gently

  • 10-03-2008 9:02pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    OK I'm an 20 year old girl, totally not looking for a boyfriend at the moment, just enjoying being single, but lately I've been hanging with this guy at the weekends, dancing/kissing, completely meaningless, at a club I go to on a regular basis with my mates. Both of us are always there so its kinda hard to avoid him, and whenever he sees me he's over like a shot and it's really starting to annoy me.

    He never texts me or sees me outside the club, so I'd just like to move on from it because it's like I'm in a 'club relationship' or something! Problem is, I find it hard to say no to him, or don't exactly know what I should be saying. 'Leave me alone, I'm done' is a tad harsh. Any advice on how to handle this would be great, he's a decent guy so I don't want to hurt him. He seems to be really into me (when he sees me pfft) as he got really upset a few weeks ago when he saw me talking to another guy. His friends say he never contacts me cause he's shy... :/ I would really like to still be able to go to this club and have fun with my mates without him expecting things... Sorry if this is hard to follow/understand, I'm even finding it petty as I talk, but it's bothering me quite a bit


Comments

  • #2
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85,174 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    first off: letting us down easy... no, we have skulls thicker than bricks for one thing, and another, its actually a much cleaner break for both parties to let them down bluntly. None of this We Can Still Be Friends stuff - its a bad idea in my opinion.

    Secondly why not just tell him to call you or arrange a date or something. If the club scene bothers you bring it up with him. Or stop going. Or if you dont want the relationship tell him its over. Simple as.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    He's the type of guy though that will kick up a huge fuss if I say anything to him about it, I don't want him to think of me as a huge bitch. A for asking him to call me, the point is I don't want him to... He's really contradictory in his behaviour :/


  • #4
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I second overheal's post. Letting down easy is not going to work generally. Do not use the words "lets be friends". It's not going to work. Now it will make it easy for you but will make it worse for him. He'll keep hanging on and acting like a child if he sees you talking to other blokes. Short sharp shock is the best way. Be nice and clear. Do not get vague about this and don't suggest he has a chance. He will likely throw the toys from the pram, but this will be good on the job training for him. He cant expect to have a part time relationship and act like a child. Do it right and he may dislike you for a while, but he'll thank you when you're a memory.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #5
    matt-dublin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,468 ✭✭✭matt-dublin


    maybe he's only coming over to you because he feels your 'guaranteed'. just play super hard to get and dont kiss him. he wont chase anymore. or kiss someone else while he's floating around. he'll get the idea


  • #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Why don't you go to the club next time holding hands with someone else even if you have to get someone to pretend this for you.
    Doing that a few times should sort it for you.


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  • #7
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85,174 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Wibbs wrote:
    I second overheal's post.
    \o/
    Wibbs wrote:
    Do it right and he may dislike you for a while, but he'll thank you when you're a memory.

    I can vouch for this.


  • #8
    RedXIV
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,470 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    I'm with Overheal, shoot em down, nice and hard, especially if you see him nice and early in the club. that gives him time to 1) get more drink if he chooses and 2) find another girl to annoy.

    also, him being shy is his problem, not yours, i don't want to sound harsh, but he needs to learn that shy folk get no where. if he had plucked up the courage to try something else, he mightn't be getting dropped by ya now :D


  • #9
    RedXIV
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,470 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    I'm with Overheal, shoot em down, nice and hard, especially if you see him nice and early in the club. that gives him time to 1) get more drink if he chooses and 2) find another girl to annoy.

    also, him being shy is his problem, not yours, i don't want to sound harsh, but he needs to learn that shy folk get no where. if he had plucked up the courage to try something else, he mightn't be getting dropped by ya now :D


  • #10
    RedXIV
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,470 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    I'm with Overheal, shoot em down, nice and hard, especially if you see him nice and early in the club. that gives him time to 1) get more drink if he chooses and 2) find another girl to annoy.

    also, him being shy is his problem, not yours, i don't want to sound harsh, but he needs to learn that shy folk get no where. if he had plucked up the courage to try something else, he mightn't be getting dropped by ya now :D


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