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girlfriend moved in with me by accident

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  • 20-01-2008 9:01pm
    #1
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,376 ✭✭✭✭


    meet her 10 months ago..we both have our own houses...we fell int to spending one weekend in her house and the next weekend in mine..before Christmas when i was very tired and it was my turn to go her..i dont fancy the drive in the friday evening traffic, so i phoned her and said I'd see her next week..we had a row and she came down the next day and stayed.. from then on she has stayed from Thursday night..now she is staying 4 night with me and 3 at home we rarely go to her house.. she has hinted at moving in full time and renting her house ( she said she give me money ) but that's not the point..i dont want to live with her it not a serious relationship for me....ive lived with a girl before and have had a few serious relationships... i have tried talking to her but it ends in tears and i back down..... she is a nice girl and i feel sorry for her..but its got out of hand at this stage...has anyone any suggestions...


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    #2
    Saruman
    Registered Users Posts: 11,389 ✭✭✭✭Saruman


    Yes.. tell her again and if she breaks down in tears... stick to your guns...
    Surely if you make it clear she is not a serious relationship then she will either back down or dump you.. sorry but no happy ending here that i can see.

    If you have tried to tell her before and she ended up in tears then surely she knows on some level what the story is and is delaying the inevitable.


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    #3
    old boy
    Registered Users Posts: 2,658 ✭✭✭old boy


    aahh for f, sake give us a break


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    #4
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,089 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    old boy, report the post or take it to feedback if you have a problem. End of.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #5
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    oysterband wrote: »
    point..i dont want to live with her it not a serious relationship for me.

    You need to tell her that because she obviously sees things differently. Don't string her along.


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    #6
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,089 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    OP Grow a spine and tell her what you want or don't want from the relationship. She's not a mind reader and clearly doesn't know what you want out of this relationship. This is not rocket science.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #7
    whatsgoinon
    Registered Users Posts: 193 ✭✭whatsgoinon


    i had a lad 'accidentally' move in with me, he lived 6 doors down, I didn't like to stay with him, cos his room smelled so bad and he only had a single bed, so most nights he'd come strolling down to me for coffee, (which he never cleaned up after I might add). He had to get up for work an hour before me and it was really really annoying me, I felt I had no space. In the end I told him, that it was way too much too soon, that I needed my space. That was grand, but eventually we split up. If it's not a serious realtionship you're in, don't be giving the girl hope, just tell her it's too much too soon for you, if she starts crying again, jsut let her cry, don't back down. Don't get sucked into something you don't want to make someone else happy


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    #8
    Silverfish
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,696 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    whatsgoinon wrote: »
    Don't get sucked into something you don't want to make someone else happy

    Exactly.

    OP. you need to level with her and don't get guilted out of it with tears.


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    #9
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    oysterband wrote: »
    i have tried talking to her but it ends in tears and i back down.....
    Bad news bubba, but the b|tch may use the emotional blackmail card a few more times when you say "no". Stand firm, or she'll be living with you before you can close the door.


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    #10
    lolli
    Registered Users Posts: 1,173 ✭✭✭lolli


    She probably thinks that you have a future together, that you will move in together, get married, have babies and live happily ever after. If this is not what you want then you need to tell her. Its not fair to lead her on, you need to tell her where she stands in your life. Be fair.


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    #11
    Firetrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    So why are you going out with her then? Methinks the poor girl is thinking ahead to a trip down the aisle and babies and a dog and a people carrier. You're stringing her along. Better to break it off now before it gets any worse. She's going to be gutted no matter when you do it so better to do it as soon as you can.


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    #12
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    A similar situation happened with my brother, he somehow moved in with his girlfriend of one month back in April 2006. He's still there despite claiming that he doesn't really see a future with her.

    I'm just saying, it does happen and it can go on for a long time.


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    #13
    Zillah
    Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    You're so important to her that she wants to move in together and you're worried about how to get things back to the way they were? Dude, stop being such a jerk, she clearly is going to be very hurt by all of this considering you seem to think its not serious, so break up with her now and stop digging yourself into a worse hole.


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    #14
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    Wibbs wrote: »
    OP Grow a spine and tell her what you want or don't want from the relationship. She's not a mind reader and clearly doesn't know what you want out of this relationship. This is not rocket science.

    +1 tbh

    She's obviously not that nice or not that much of a grown-up if she bursts into tears every time you bring it up. Sounds more like a muppet to me.


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    #15
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    oysterband wrote: »
    i back down
    Patient: Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this.
    Doctor: Don't move your arm like that.


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    #16
    echosound
    Registered Users Posts: 773 ✭✭✭echosound


    lolli wrote: »
    She probably thinks that you have a future together, that you will move in together, get married, have babies and live happily ever after. If this is not what you want then you need to tell her. Its not fair to lead her on, you need to tell her where she stands in your life. Be fair.

    Agreed. She obviously sees the relationship in a different light to you. If you're not looking at it as a serious relationship, tell her this, and give her the chance to move on. You're stringing her along. The fact that you say "she's a nice girl and I feel sorry for her" should spell it out for you - you obviously don't view her as anything other than a bit of fun when you want it, you certainly don't love her. You need to be fair to her and let her find the relationship she wants, and you can go have no strings fun which is what you want. result = two people happy in their situation, rather than both kinda miserable.


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    #17
    Ciara2008
    Closed Accounts Posts: 42 ✭Ciara2008


    Hmmm I have to say, the way you have worded your post reminds me a little of my ex - as in you say the reason your girlfriend got in to the habit of staying at yours is because you would rather miss a weekend with her than sit in Friday traffic.

    From my experience when guys do and say things like this girls take it personally and start to trying to create new situations to help get over the hurt that that one caused.

    It sounds to me like you aren't really bothered whether you see this girl or not, it bugs you that she is around so much so really I think you need to reevaluate your relationship because for some reason - if she's talking about moving in with you - maybe she is on a different page?

    Don't avoid being honest with her simply because you can't handle tears - thats really cowardly and stringing her along will be worse in the longterm


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    #18
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    oysterband wrote: »
    she is a nice girl and i feel sorry for her..has anyone any suggestions...

    Yes, will you give the girl a break and dump her.


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    #19
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Wibbs wrote: »
    OP Grow a spine and tell her what you want or don't want from the relationship. She's not a mind reader and clearly doesn't know what you want out of this relationship. This is not rocket science.

    +1

    You sound like a spinless lump. Go grow a pair and tell the girl where she stands (or sleeps).


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    #20
    annemarie13
    Registered Users Posts: 74 ✭✭annemarie13


    i think you should tell her,i would want to know. tell her before she has you wrapped around her finger.


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