Getting the Time to Write and Feeling Guilty.

hcass · 30-07-2013 6:35pm #1

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I don't write more. What is stopping me, what gets in the way to me just sitting down with pen and paper and/or laptop. And although i first thought it was just pure laziness I have observed my own behaviour and come to the conclusion that it is not actually that at all. It is in fact, guilt.

I noticed that whenever I got a minute to write, I suddenly felt that I should be doing something more productive. Something for both me and my partner. Why should I sit there typing when I could be washing the dishes or sweeping the floor or sorting out the washing? I see the dog looking at me all sad eyes and think - I should bring her for a walk instead of using this time for my own selfish needs.

I even feel bad when my friends call and ask me to go for a walk or a coffee while I am writing. I feel silly saying, "no I'm writing". Cos it's mnot like I get paid to write. It's not productive as such...

I've spoken to my partner about this and he insists I should not feel this way. But that doesn't stop me feeling like **** if he comes home after working a ten hour shift and I've no dinner ready for him. I don't work the hours he does - I have a part-time-ish job about 25-30 hrs a week. I deliberately got this job for I'd have extra time to write. And what good has it done me?

Anyone else feel guilty when they sit down to write? How do you overcome the guilt? How do you ignore the housework? I've no children so I can only imagine it would be a million times worse if I did.

alfa beta · 31-07-2013 12:16am

oh no you have a partner - i'm so devastated!

hcass · 31-07-2013 7:27am

alfa beta wrote: »

oh no you have a partner - i'm so devastated!

If it makes you feel any better I'm butt ugly and constantly pick my nose.

ScottStorm · 31-07-2013 10:24am

Try reading "the war on art" by Steven Pressfield a short book that serves as motivation for procrastinators.

alfa beta · 31-07-2013 11:33am

ScottStorm wrote: »

Try reading "the war on art" by Steven Pressfield a short book that serves as motivation for procrastinators.

sounds good - must read that - maybe tomorrow....or the day after.....

hcass · 31-07-2013 11:49am

ScottStorm wrote: »

Try reading "the war on art" by Steven Pressfield a short book that serves as motivation for procrastinators.

I had a look at the reviews on Amazon and it sounds a bit "spiritual" for me. I hate all that inspiration from a higher being, spiritual, mumbo jumbo.

Or maybe I got it wrong?

ScottStorm · 31-07-2013 1:31pm

hcass wrote: »

I had a look at the reviews on Amazon and it sounds a bit "spiritual" for me. I hate all that inspiration from a higher being, spiritual, mumbo jumbo.

Or maybe I got it wrong?

Hmm, not sure what to say to that. It is light, quick reading that is aimed at motivating artists to stop Procrastinating. The author writes a regular blog if you want to see if his style is readable for you before buying his book.

Personally I found it a good kick up the backside (if short term, which all good kicks are)

I wouldn't call it spiritual but it's form of motivation will work for some and not others obviously depending on how you are motivated.

donalh087 · 31-07-2013 3:50pm

@OP - I empathise completely. There is only one answer, just bloody well do it. If it helps, I now take a biro and a pad and two cups of coffee and go somewhere quiet and not THAT comfortable. Away from the internet.

In the meantime another thread had this funny meme.
http://i.imgur.com/vStMSFp.jpg

Das Kitty · 31-07-2013 4:26pm

Guilt is the enemy hcass!

You feel guilty for not doing other things, then you feel guilty for not writing.

There is time to write, you just have to set it aside. Don't feel guilty turning people down becuase it's during your writing time. Honestly, just because you're not getting paid for it (at the moment) does not mean that it's not important. It's important to you. It's nourishing your mind.

leinad · 31-07-2013 4:57pm

hcass wrote: »

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I don't write more. What is stopping me, what gets in the way to me just sitting down with pen and paper and/or laptop. And although i first thought it was just pure laziness I have observed my own behaviour and come to the conclusion that it is not actually that at all. It is in fact, guilt.

I noticed that whenever I got a minute to write, I suddenly felt that I should be doing something more productive. Something for both me and my partner. Why should I sit there typing when I could be washing the dishes or sweeping the floor or sorting out the washing? I see the dog looking at me all sad eyes and think - I should bring her for a walk instead of using this time for my own selfish needs.

I even feel bad when my friends call and ask me to go for a walk or a coffee while I am writing. I feel silly saying, "no I'm writing". Cos it's mnot like I get paid to write. It's not productive as such...

I've spoken to my partner about this and he insists I should not feel this way. But that doesn't stop me feeling like **** if he comes home after working a ten hour shift and I've no dinner ready for him. I don't work the hours he does - I have a part-time-ish job about 25-30 hrs a week. I deliberately got this job for I'd have extra time to write. And what good has it done me?

Anyone else feel guilty when they sit down to write? How do you overcome the guilt? How do you ignore the housework? I've no children so I can only imagine it would be a million times worse if I did.

The irony in this is brilliant....!

alfa beta · 31-07-2013 5:18pm

leinad wrote: »

The irony in this is brilliant....!

emmmm....what irony?

hcass i empathise so much. i also have a kid and a sorta just-built house. And there's so much proper 'constructive' stuff i could be doing that when i sit in front of the mac i really feel guilty about not doing everything else.

my solution was to agree an amount of time per day with my wife (she works and i look after little boy) and to write something designed to make money - that way i don't feel so selfish about it - time spent writing now is comparable to setting up a business or looking for a job.

of course those ideas may not suit everyone but they do put my writing efforts into a sort of context and routine - and as to whether any money will accrue, hopefully we'll find out early next year.

leinad · 31-07-2013 5:22pm

alfa beta wrote: »

emmmm....what irony?

hcass i empathise so much. i also have a kid and a sorta just-built house. And there's so much proper 'constructive' stuff i could be doing that when i sit in front of the mac i really feel guilty about not doing everything else.

my solution was to agree an amount of time per day with my wife (she works and i look after little boy) and to write something designed to make money - that way i don't feel so selfish about it - time spent writing now is comparable to setting up a business or looking for a job.

of course those ideas may not suit everyone but they do put my writing efforts into a sort of context and routine - and as to whether any money will accrue, hopefully we'll find out early next year.

I feel guilty about writing yet here i am writing a short story....

leinad · 31-07-2013 5:22pm

alfa beta wrote: »

emmmm....what irony?

hcass i empathise so much. i also have a kid and a sorta just-built house. And there's so much proper 'constructive' stuff i could be doing that when i sit in front of the mac i really feel guilty about not doing everything else.

my solution was to agree an amount of time per day with my wife (she works and i look after little boy) and to write something designed to make money - that way i don't feel so selfish about it - time spent writing now is comparable to setting up a business or looking for a job.

of course those ideas may not suit everyone but they do put my writing efforts into a sort of context and routine - and as to whether any money will accrue, hopefully we'll find out early next year.

I feel guilty about writing yet here i am writing a short story....

EileenG · 31-07-2013 6:01pm

I do get paid to write and I feel guilty when I sit down to write. I suddenly see all the stuff that needs to be done, the children who want to talk to me, the socks which need to sorted, the cat which needs to be fed.

My solution is to go to McDonalds, buy a cup of coffee and write for an hour. Maybe an hour and a half. After that, they start to sweep under your feet. But an hour and a half of decent writing is a good amount. If I need to do more than that, it's possible to finish it at home.

Antilles · 31-07-2013 7:44pm

EileenG wrote: »

I do get paid to write and I feel guilty when I sit down to write.

Given what you write, that's probably just traditional Irish Catholic guilt

EileenG · 31-07-2013 9:15pm

Antilles wrote: »

Given what you write, that's probably just traditional Irish Catholic guilt

No, every time I sit down to write something filthy, I beam at the thought of how pissed off my mother will be.

Arlecchina · 01-08-2013 9:11am

I know how you feel, hcass! I have an insane commute, can't really write on the train, am lucky to have time to even scoff a sandwich at lunch in work, and then get home and need to spend some time with the other half — not that I begrudge that latter! Writing always feels like something I'm guiltily stealing from the rest of my life.

I think the main thing is to 'pin' your writing time to some other part of your schedule, so that you (and everyone else in your life) realise that this is your dedicated writing time and is just as important as everything else. Set aside a block of time and dub it WRITING TIME in all-caps. The dishes and laundry can wait!

But, yeah, being the reigning queen of procrastination (I have a tiara and everything), I'm a stunning example of 'do what I say, not what I do'.

If in doubt, read some of Chuck Wendig's expletive-ridden blog posts on writing and get a brain-kicking.

Rubecula · 01-08-2013 1:02pm

EileenG wrote: »

No, every time I sit down to write something filthy, I beam at the thought of how pissed off my mother will be.

I actually fell about laughing at that. Then the laugh became a 'Sid James' (you know, the dirty one)

EileenG · 02-08-2013 12:18am

Rubecula wrote: »

I actually fell about laughing at that. Then the laugh became a 'Sid James' (you know, the dirty one)

My mother could give Hyacynth Bucket a run for her money.

Rubecula · 02-08-2013 12:43pm

Shhh you are are making me laugh again I will pull me stitches out at this rate LOL

pixelburp · 06-08-2013 8:29am

Huh, I was going to start a thread along roughly the same lines, so no point clogging the internet tubes with clone topics - easier to hijack this one

Been lurking around this forum for a while; so boring backstory, I used to write a fair bit in my callow youth, and this year have been trying to get back on that particular horse. A writing group has been useful, the odd competition too & while both tend to concentrate the mind in short bursts, I find it hard to maintain a consistent level of intensity & confidence to finish what I start. I tend to wuss out, cast a half-written story to purgatory and sulk because I can't followthrough on a premise.

So unlike hcass, time isn't the problem, concentration seems to be. I'm not entirely convinced it's simply procrastination either: I know the classic advice is to "just write", to force myself into scribbling/typing for an hour or so every night, but even this feels tremendously difficult as threads tend to whither too quickly to maintain that routine; ideas comes in fits & starts for me so this regimen often consists of staring at the dreaded blank page. Any thoughts?

Das Kitty · 06-08-2013 8:43am

pixelburp wrote: »

Huh, I was going to start a thread along roughly the same lines, so no point clogging the internet tubes with clone topics - easier to hijack this one

Been lurking around this forum for a while; so boring backstory, I used to write a fair bit in my callow youth, and this year have been trying to get back on that particular horse. A writing group has been useful, the odd competition too & while both tend to concentrate the mind in short bursts, I find it hard to maintain a consistent level of intensity & confidence to finish what I start. I tend to wuss out, cast a half-written story to purgatory and sulk because I can't followthrough on a premise.

So unlike hcass, time isn't the problem, concentration seems to be. I'm not entirely convinced it's simply procrastination either: I know the classic advice is to "just write", to force myself into scribbling/typing for an hour or so every night, but even this feels tremendously difficult as threads tend to whither too quickly to maintain that routine; ideas comes in fits & starts for me so this regimen often consists of staring at the dreaded blank page. Any thoughts?

Force yourself to finish things. Even if you hate the bloody sight of them. Even if you never open the document again.

I have a folder full of stories in various stages of completion, and some of them I hate. On occasion I have taken one I that really bugged me and read it over again. Often that was enough to get me thinking about reworking it, and most of the time I do end up writing a conclusion.

At the end of the day, the things in my "Finished" folder are a source of pride, and the contents of my "WIP" folder are nothing but torment. I feel I've learned far more from the stories I struggled with than those that came easily (which are few and far between).

hcass · 06-08-2013 12:37pm

Amen, Das Kitty. Wise words.

pixelburp · 06-08-2013 1:47pm

Das Kitty wrote: »

Force yourself to finish things. Even if you hate the bloody sight of them. Even if you never open the document again.

I have a folder full of stories in various stages of completion, and some of them I hate. On occasion I have taken one I that really bugged me and read it over again. Often that was enough to get me thinking about reworking it, and most of the time I do end up writing a conclusion.

At the end of the day, the things in my "Finished" folder are a source of pride, and the contents of my "WIP" folder are nothing but torment. I feel I've learned far more from the stories I struggled with than those that came easily (which are few and far between).

Hmmm ok, cheers for the pointers

I suppose it's easier to abandon a narrative if I don't have any clear sense of where to go with it, so maybe I need to rethink how I write in the first place. That instead of being ad hoc, I try and plan things out, so at least I know where to go with the story if I force an ending. While its nebulous it's probably easier to drop.

Danpad · 06-08-2013 3:21pm

Short stories are my tonic for the dreaded 'inability to muster up the interest to finish the god awful rubbish I've just started' syndrome. I enter lots of SS competitions (an unfortunate abbreviation I know) and so reach into the dregs of my mind to make sure I have a glut of stories to choose from when a comp is announced. It's like having money in the bank so to speak.......even if that money only ever covers the cost of the sinutab needed to wade through particularly blank page phases.

Note: I'm not sure if any of that made sense.

Rubecula · 06-08-2013 7:59pm

I always have a problem finishing off a story. I think I just hate the idea that my heros and heroines are going away, so I try to keep the story going far too long.

Hard habit to break really but as I only do it for my own entertainment no harm done.

Getting the Time to Write and Feeling Guilty.

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