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Boyfriend has no interest

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  • 14-04-2015 2:27pm
    #1
    fifa92d
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭


    Hi Guys,

    Am new to all this, but looking for advice. I am going out with my boyfriend now for 3 and a half years. I was just turning 19 when we started going out, he was 28. I had no sexual experience at all practically. As I have gotten older (am going 23 this year) I've been more and more interested in sex, naturally but my boyfriend isn't. I am lucky if I get once in two months. We fight quite a bit and I am not sure I love him anymore, the more I think about it the more I dislike him. At the time I think I was a little desperate for someone to "love" me, and then I was scared of being alone. His parents aren't well at the minute and can't really leave him right now, and I get on well with them especially his Dad. I practically live there. Sometimes I think the only reason I am still there is the craic with his Dad. I am afraid, bottom line. I will miss that house and the fun but I won't miss my bf. I think I could leave now and not even cry for him. I will cry for missing his Dad, and the influence he had on me the past few years. I am afraid that I won't find anybody else, probably sounds silly but I'm not attractive. It will break his heart if I leave. (and he is planning on buying a ring! we've been going though quite a few rough patches and I think he is desperate for me not to go)

    I don't know what to do. I wrote here hoping that someone could possibly help me. How do I get around to leaving without it being too harsh? How do I convince myself? Because I am so confused I don't know what to do...


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    #2
    IvyTheTerrible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,949 ✭✭✭✭IvyTheTerrible


    MOD Hi OP, I've moved this thread over to Relationship Issues as your post is more suited to there.
    Please familiarise yourself with the new charter.
    IvyTheTerrible


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    #3
    davmol
    Registered Users Posts: 883 ✭✭✭davmol


    Do you think you have feelings for the dad?

    MAybe thats what the issue is?


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You started your post from the perspective of the lack of sex, but really that's just a symptom of a relationship that's run its course. You can see yourself that you're not staying for your boyfriend and, in that situation, there is no reason to stay. You may miss the rest of the family, but that comes with the territory and it's not a reason to stay. Neither is the idea that you won't find anyone else, that's feeling comes from the fact that when you entered the relationship you were craving love and you imagine you'll be back there again. I'm guessing, just guessing, that your own father isn't around and that's why you felt that way and part of the reason you've become so attached to his father (not that your friendship with him isn't a lovely and valid thing in it's own right), but that's still not a reason to stay. You can see yourself you've changed and grown in the last few years, you're better prepared now for meeting the right person, not just the first person you think will fill the gap for you, so don't be affraid to spread your wings.

    You don't need to convince yourself, I'm sure you already know it's time to go. As to the how to do it, just do it honestly but sensitively, cleanly, and don't look back.


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    #5
    fifa92d
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭fifa92d


    davmol wrote: »
    Do you think you have feelings for the dad?

    MAybe thats what the issue is?

    No, I don't have feelings for him like that. . Just get on really really well with him


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    #6
    fifa92d
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭fifa92d


    Guessed wrote: »
    You started your post from the perspective of the lack of sex, but really that's just a symptom of a relationship that's run its course. You can see yourself that you're not staying for your boyfriend and, in that situation, there is no reason to stay. You may miss the rest of the family, but that comes with the territory and it's not a reason to stay. Neither is the idea that you won't find anyone else, that's feeling comes from the fact that when you entered the relationship you were craving love and you imagine you'll be back there again. I'm guessing, just guessing, that your own father isn't around and that's why you felt that way and part of the reason you've become so attached to his father (not that your friendship with him isn't a lovely and valid thing in it's own right), but that's still not a reason to stay. You can see yourself you've changed and grown in the last few years, you're better prepared now for meeting the right person, not just the first person you think will fill the gap for you, so don't be affraid to spread your wings.

    You don't need to convince yourself, I'm sure you already know it's time to go. As to the how to do it, just do it honestly but sensitively, cleanly, and don't look back.

    Thank you.. I think I needed someone to just confirm what I thought.. I need to build up the courage to just do it


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    #7
    s15r330
    Closed Accounts Posts: 944 ✭✭✭s15r330


    Ask yourself one question. Do you see yourself in this situation for the rest of your life?
    If not, get yourself outta there quickly, you're still a baby, whole world out there for you to experience!!
    Also, you need more confidence in yourself. If you don't see yourself as attractive you need to change that. First step to enjoying life and finding someone you deserve is to love yourself!


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    #8
    fifa92d
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭fifa92d


    s15r330 wrote: »
    Ask yourself one question. Do you see yourself in this situation for the rest of your life?
    If not, get yourself outta there quickly, you're still a baby, whole world out there for you to experience!!
    Also, you need more confidence in yourself. If you don't see yourself as attractive you need to change that. First step to enjoying life and finding someone you deserve is to love yourself!

    I don't, well I hope not.. its not the life I saw myself living but I'm stuck.. and I know I need to get out


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    #9
    s15r330
    Closed Accounts Posts: 944 ✭✭✭s15r330


    fifa92d wrote: »
    I don't, well I hope not.. its not the life I saw myself living but I'm stuck.. and I know I need to get out

    You're not stuck, when you realise that you can do what you have to do. Losing the relationship with his parents is probably unavoidable but that isn't a reason to accept your current situation. You need to do it sooner rather than later I think.
    You'll feel better for it.


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    #10
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    I think it sounds like maybe ye have run your course..And there is nothing wrong with it..Dont stay in a relationship if you don't want to.. Fine you may hurt for a while but it is fair better to go now rather than wait any longer..

    You can still be friends with the family if he wants it that way, there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe he knows it isn't working either but too scared to tell you so perhaps you should do it...


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    #11
    larrymickdick
    Registered Users Posts: 267 ✭✭larrymickdick


    I held off breaking up with an ex for ages cos I'd miss his family, his mum especially. She was and still is a wonderful, caring woman. If you stay, that's not fair to you or to him or the relationship you have. You will remain stuck until you leave.

    You sound unhappy. If it was me, I would leave. I rather focus on myself and what makes me happy. To give myself the opportunity to meet someone and be in a relationship that gives me what I need, than stay in a relationship that makes me unhappy. I held off and now I regret the time I wasted with him.

    You are only young, you should take the time to know yourself and what you want from life. Have experiences and don't be so hard on yourself. It is very hard for someone to give you what you need if you don't know what that is.

    I still miss his mum but I have moved on with my life. I am now with a wonderful man who fills me with love and joy and I know I am very lucky to have met him. I also know that I would rather be single for the rest of my life than being in a relationship that wasn't for me. I would end up lonelier than if I was alone.

    Best of luck with your decision.


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