can't get over breakup

She made it clear shes done. Then, made it clear that there where a few moments you could have won her back post break up?! What is that about? Who does that?!

Op, she sounds like a head melter based purely on the above. Regardless of you being on good terms you need to distance your self from this woman. The break up has hit you hard and you are clearly not over her, so you need to go no contact.

Speak with her calmly and with no grand melodramatic statements of "this is the last time we will ever speak" or such sort. Tell you you need some space from her so for the next 6 months/year/2 years/indefinite you will be having zero contact with her. Ask her to respect this and then delete this woman for your life and move on.

Still getting over a break up myself, my few other relationships ended amicably but my recent one I ended which was a first for me,

Was unbelievably difficult for me to do as it was the longest relationship I had been in, was nearly 2 years and it was a long distance relationship, but I fell for her and compromised all the way, I came up to see her as often as I could, anything she wanted I tried to get it for her and succeeded most of the time, when she was feeling down I comforted her to make her feel better, I listened and tried to the best of my ability to understand our conversations about her masters and her PhD that she was doing when I ended it, complex as it was.

I ended it because I was bottling up an issue she fired at me in the second year of the relationship, well the the first year she kept saying in a jokey way that she didn't want kids and being that we weren't going out long it was the last thing on my mind and I didn't want to settle down until I have the money to look after a family. Anyway into the second year she got a little bit more serious on the subject and said because she is an academic in a science field that she is statistically to have a child with autism. I didn't know how to react to what was said so I just stayed silent on it really and the issue was poking at me on and off for months but I didn't want to break it off because really it wasn't in my comprehension. I was thinking "Maybe she'll change her mind and open up to the possibility of it and take a chance" She made me the happiest I've ever been but the issue was just poking and proding me for quite some time.

I didn't want her to believe everything she reads and to diagnose herself to be sort of inferior of doing whatever she wanted as long as she was happy with me. I also think it's partly to do with the fact she's adopted and has some issues with her biological mother who she met a number of years ago and might not want to continue the gene pool so to speak because of her. She had a number of remarks throughout the relationship like "Oh I would have been so much cleverer if not for her and her lifestyle" Where I look at her and say "You're fine the way you are, how could you be more clever? You're a young phD student for God's sake" She used to beat herself up for things that didn't even matter and I constantly had to comfort her over all sorts of things.

She is an insanely dedicated academic and towards the end she made very little time for me and it was my birthday back in October and I wanted her to come down and visit me, but she signed up to some paper through her supervisor which she wasn't obligated to do but she kept saying "Yes" and jumping to every thing even if she didn't have to, so rather than come see me for my birthday she chose to stay at home e-mailing this one in America till all hours of the night because of the time difference.

I went up to see her the following week and it was the same story, still tied to the computer working all day and well into the night barely uttering a sentence at me unless it was work related, wouldn't even apologize about intentionally missing my birthday get together and wouldn't make it up to me, pretty much willingly stressing and working herself into the ground and never enjoying herself. The passive behaviour towards me the whole weekend just made me burn out and triggered everything I had been burying and I just blew up I ended it, I won't go into details about how exactly I ended it but I could have done it better.

I always feel awful about it, her parents really liked me and treated me like one of the family and always welcomed me and I got on like a house on fire with them and I feel like I let them down. I feel like I let my friends down too since they loved her, she had her good qualities which is why I fell for her, feel like I've deprived them of her company and her of theirs.

All I wanted really was the relationship to take a natural course and have the future I think it deserved as long as she was happy with me and for her not to believe herself to be a lesser woman, which she isn't, because at the end of it I had 100% faith in her and everything would be ok. We were close and I thought she'd be the one for me because we related in so many ways but I was afraid to open my mouth on the children thing because I didn't want to wreck everything and have to start from square one. I also wanted her to have more fun and socialize and for us to do things together and for to realize that staying inside the house working morning, noon and night isn't healthy and she will end up burning out herself if she doesn't blow off some steam and relax. I couldn't bring her to do either and I felt I had no choice but to end it and I'm ridden with guilt over it still 5 months later because at the end of it I still love her and I just wanted to take things in the direction I expected it should go.

I wish I could give a solution to you broken2212 to get your mind off it, for me I just keep occupied and look for things to do and it does get my mind off my break up temporarily, but at least in my case the mind drifts back to her once whatever I do gets done and I'm back to square one again. Basically just keep occupied and I'd hope you can get over it.

I agree with other comments here, Why should you go chasing her if she broke up with you? That is playing games, it sounds like she needs a lot of attention.
Would you have to see her out and about a lot around your area (presumably you live in the same area of course) or would your paths rarely cross?

You say you're on very good terms, would you talk often? I think No contact would be in your best interest to help yourself get through this tough time.

If you think that there is something there worth saving then maybe it calls for a big romantic gesture. Is this girl worth fighting for?
If you truly love her and if you guys shared something special then there would be no embarrassment. You would just know in your heart that you did everything you could.

If she responds positively then great. If she makes it clear again that she does not want a relationship with you, you walk away and think to yourself -her loss. This will give you closure.