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Break up regret

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  • 15-04-2015 10:15am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi. I broke up with my boyfriend of two and half years. Totally all my decision, as I couldn't see myself marrying him, and I am all he wants for the future.
    We get on so well and I do love him. I am heartbroken to have him out of my life.
    Should I tell him or give myself more time. Its been a week and the pain is really bad today.


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    #2
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    You are missing having someone but not necessarily him.

    Of course you miss him, thats natural. But you also know that your feelings for him are not the marrying kind, and in that respect, you made the right choice. You'll have good days and bad days. Just try and keep busy and distracted on your bad days and it will get better.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank you Neyite. Its just so hard and hurts so much, makes me think I have done the wrong thing.. But you are probably right.


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    #4
    davmol
    Registered Users Posts: 883 ✭✭✭davmol


    Maybe get a dog and replace him with the dog.You might just need someone to love and hold.


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    #5
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    You don't love him, if you did you'd see yourself marrying him.


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    #6
    HoneyBee78
    Registered Users Posts: 57 ✭✭HoneyBee78


    It has only been a week op be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve, break ups are hard and it will take longer than that to get over someone you spent so much of your time with.

    Why could you not see yourself marrying him? Can you imagine the rest of your life without him in it? Do you miss him or do you miss having someone there??

    Maybe you have done the right thing and better to end it now than to carry on with the relationship and get married, have kids then still feel the same and you might end up full of regret.

    I ended a much much longer LTR for the same reason over a year ago. There was nothing wrong with him he was probably perfect in every other way but I could not see myself marrying him. Silly as it sounds I was heartbroken for about a year and was constantly thinking I made the wrong decision. Its been a long road but its only now I'm starting to realise than I did do the right thing and life does in fact go on ;)

    You have to listen to your gut feeling :) Good luck with whatever you decide op.


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank u Honeybee. I can see him in my future. Just the thought of committing to my life with someone forever scares me. I'd happily move in with him if he asked, I'd make plans for next year- but put my hand on my heart and swear I'll be with him forever.. I can't say I can..
    I don't think I just miss having anyone around, I miss him. I can be surrounded by people if I want, so I'm not lonely and not afraid of being single. Was single for years. He says I am his soul mate and deep down he only sees me in his future.. I just can't say the same thing back.

    Its been one week since officially off.. But nearly 3 week apart
    Just because I'm not sure about the future, does it mean we both can't be happy now...


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    #8
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    Carly2015 wrote: »
    ...Just the thought of committing to my life with someone forever scares me...

    So is it a general commitment topic more than something specific relating to your ex, with the key issue here being your fear of the unknown?

    It's perfectly natural to fear the unknown, but if you get overly hung up on it you're going to drive yourself crazy.

    What are the specific reasons that you cannot see a future? Do you perhaps think you could do better, be it someone better looking, with more ambition, more in sync with your own line of thinking, etc?

    Unless you can come up a convincing answer to that question then perhaps you should have a rethink?


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    #9
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    If nothing has changed then nothing has changed.

    Unless you change your mind or want to work on this problem - if you see it as a problem - then there's no point in getting back together


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    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    On the one hand you don't see yourslef marrying him but on the other the pain is really bad...

    Is your head that telling you, you can't see him in your future, or is it your heart?
    Remember your feelings don't lie, but our heads do frequently, and it is your soul which is feeling the pain, not your head. Our soul/emotional body is far more perfect than our head.

    If you found love then that is rare indeed.
    Perhaps you could date once or twice a week for a while and build up his confidence. Because if he responds he might end up being a totally amazing guy under the insecurity he seems to have..


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    #11
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Op you clearly have commitment issues with him. Therefore, there is something missing in your relationship. You wed lots of threads here with guys / girls saying they are not ready for a relationship and people are always told to move on as the ex is really saying 'I'm not ready for a relationship WITH YOU'.

    You need to move on and let him move on to meet someone who wants a future with him and all the bells and whistles that goes with it.


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for all the advice. I think at this point.. Only time will tell. I need to stay away and someday maybe it will work out.


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