Female Friend demands way too much attention

Crets · 09-04-2015 10:32pm #1

My fiancé is 57 and he has a married female friend from High School who texts him every morning and throughout the day starting when she knows we are apart to work. She messages him on Facebook and she calls him also. I told him that I was not comfortable with the amount of time she needs from him. He just says he is nice to everyone and thats just the way she is or she is just bored. If he tells her he is busy and tries to make space she post 30-40 posts on Facebook about how he lied and said they would always talk if something was bothering one of them etc etc etc. She is so obsessed with him that she can send 50-100 texts a month. He replies to maybe every 10 with a short yes or no or wow type answer. Her husband seems to be fine with it. Probably feels its a break for him from her neediness. She requests lunches with him and goes to his house when Im at work also. She has other married male friends that she does this too also. He acts like he doesn't communicate with her hardly at all any more and it might be less but I know its still way too much because she never gives up. She is a stalker type.. She thinks her friends are her solemates. I can't stand it any more and it's to the point where I don't want to tell him to get rid of a friend but I am so sick of her constant interference. Its driving a wedge between us. She used to text me but I ignored her and she finally stopped.

IlmoNT4 · 10-04-2015 7:01am

What is it that you cant stand exactly?

This lady texts your partner and he hardly responds to her?

How does she interfere with you and your partner?

Teyla Emmagan · 10-04-2015 8:05am

Yeah, that's way too much. And I say that as someone who can also be annoying and needy. Even if he only responds to every 10th text or so they're still coming in, like a deluge, from the moment he gets up. And the Facebook stuff is just bananas. Okay he's a good guy and being an emotional support for a friend but she's obviously too attached. I don't understand how she isn't driving him mad as well.

Are you jealous of the time he spends on her, or is it the more the extent of her demands for attention? If it's the former then she's interfering with your relationship. If it's the latter then it's really up to your fiancÃ©e. If it doesn't annoy him then fine. If it annoys you that much though then you could ask him to block her on Facebook (or shut his account). His decision though.

She obviously needs something in her life that she's not getting but realistically it's not up to the man you are engaged to to provide it.

Neyite · 10-04-2015 5:21pm

I do agree, she sounds excessive, and would melt anyone's head. But its up to him to put a halt to it. They say you should never interact whatsoever with a stalker, that even that 1 reply to every 10 messages is still one reply too much. It's quite baffling that he would put up with that constant stream of messages. Do you think he likes the attention, or maybe that he likes the way the attention gets you riled up?

strobe · 11-04-2015 11:42am

So she's like this with her other friends you say, and also used to text you? What's 50-100 messages as month? 2 or three a day?

Sounds like she's just a big texter/facebooker. Some people are like that.

Sometimes she calls him, or they meet up for lunch? That's what friends do.

It sounds like you are blowing it way way out of proportion. She sounds a bit over the top with how often she messages her friends, not just your husband, everyone according to you, but there's a big leap from that to 'obsessed stalker'. But it's up to them to reply how much they want to, or not.

It sounds like you are the one driving a wedge between you by creating an issue out of it, nor her.

Lamp69 · 11-04-2015 8:50pm

She does seem excessive but I wonder would you be bothered if she was male? Makes and females can be just friends

Crets · 15-04-2015 8:45pm

There is much more. He has tried to tell her he is too busy to reply to her texts and stop replying but she gets nasty and she does with me too. She goes to his house and brings him food like she thinks he replies on her to eat. If a man did that I would also wonder. That is if anyone sent all three ways of communicating at once all during the day. She goes to the house when Im at work and to his work. She replies to every single post he puts on Facebook. She keeps him updated on everything she does during the day as well as what people he doesn't even know are doing just to have something to say.
Im not driving a wedge because I don't talk about it. I told him twice that I thought it was excessive and he agrees but she wont go away.

Female Friend demands way too much attention

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