Feel ashamed of who I am

LegacyUser · 22-04-2015 3:15pm #1

Hello. I just wondered if anyone else suffers from a crippling sense of shame for being bisexual? I am a man in his 30's and although I lean overwhelmingly towards women and don't have any emotional connection with men, every now and again I meet another guy for casual sex. Every time I do I feel terrible afterwards - full of regret, disgust and shame, like I've done something terrible. I don't have a girlfriend at the moment and this isn't something I would do behind a girlfriends back either, I am always single when I chose to do this. I just hate this feeling and it takes a long time to fade.

LegacyUser · 03-05-2015 11:28pm

Hello there.

I can understand these feelings your having. But there is really no way to quell them without realising and coming to terms with the fact that you are not doing anything wrong. Its unfortunate that you need to feel this way.

All I can say is that the only reason you probably feel this way is that you've been conditioned to think that anything gay is bad and it will take alot of work to get over that.
I'd suggest going to speak to a counsellor about this, you should be able to enjoy your sexuality in full without guilt.

irish_dave_83 · 06-05-2015 1:54pm

Are you out as bisexual? If not I imagine "the closet" is making you feel this way. If you were out I dont think you woudl suffer from the shame, because you dont have to hide anything or tell lies.

If you are out as bisexual, it may be just that you have not accepted yourself fully, I know that sounds soppy or cheesy, but its true.

I could be completely wrong, so if you can provide more info of what you feel after having sex with a man, it may help?

nozipcode · 11-05-2015 8:28pm

Even gay guys who are completely comfortable with being gay can feel like complete crap after meaningless sex, particularly if it's anonymous? Maybe it's not so much the fact you're getting with guys as it's the type of experiences you are having?

Mr.Frame · 13-05-2015 11:07pm

OP you're not alone.
Nearly every guy who is coming to terms with his sexuality and has casual sex with another guy has had the feelings you have.
You feel dirty, ashamed of yourself, get into the shower and nearly scrub your skin off !
Try not to be too hard on your self, it's a process if you like.
You are still coming to terms with your bisexuality or maybe you are gay (only you know the answer to that)
Perhaps you could give the gay switchboard a call and talk about how you feel or talk to others here
I wish you well

14-05-2015 12:04am

You need to come to terms with and accept your bisexuality. Do you feel ashamed if you have casual sex with a woman?
You should not feel ashamed that you have sex with men, maybe if you had an emotional relationship with a man, you might see it differently.
You need to talk to other bisexual men or ring the gay switchboard as previously advised. Only by talking about it, are you going to be able to come to terms with it and stop feeling ashamed.
Just remember that you are who you are and you are not doing anything wrong.

wakka12 · 14-05-2015 1:36pm

I am perfectly happy with being gay , Ive had casual sex with guys I met online a day or two before about twice and I hated it. I didn't enjoy the encounter in any way shape or form and feel like an empty piece of sh!t after, I just feel so ashamed the feeling is so blue and indescribeable. I think I could only have sex with somebody I have feelings for now.So yeah, obviously I avoid casual sex now because its not good for my mental health. Maybe you should do the same?

Feel ashamed of who I am

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