Unreasonable or Selfless?

Brendog · 11-05-2012 12:34am #1

I'm turning 21 in July and have had my parents hounding at me to figure out what I want to do for it.
Basically I'm a shy guy who hates going out to nightclubs or having any attention thrust upon me.

They expected me to want to rent out somewhere and invite all my friends and relatives. I just want to have 5-10 friends up to my house to have a few drinks and play xBox.

Now my parents are saying I'm being selfish because I'm the oldest and won't have a big celebration. "Its their first 21st too."

I don't understand. I'm saving them hundreds of euro and they are mad at me? Someone please explain.

Fenian Army · 11-05-2012 12:36am

Your parents think you want a party and are saying that its "their 21st too" to try and make you not feel guilty about having all the money spent on you

I suggest saying you want to go out for a fancy meal with your family then a day or so later have mates over

Professional Griefer · 11-05-2012 12:38am

Unreasonable or Selfless?

Sounds like caring to me.

Gbear · 11-05-2012 12:40am

Brendog wrote: »

I'm turning 21 in July and have had my parents hounding at me to figure out what I want to do for it.
Basically I'm a shy guy who hates going out to nightclubs or having any attention thrust upon me.

They expected me to want to rent out somewhere and invite all my friends and relatives. I just want to have 5-10 friends up to my house to have a few drinks and play xBox.

Now my parents are saying I'm being selfish because I'm the oldest and won't have a big celebration. "Its their first 21st too."

I don't understand. I'm saving them hundreds of euro and they are mad at me? Someone please explain.

You're only 21 once. Do what you want to do.

It is in absolutely no way your parents 21st.

It sounds like they're being selfish tbh.

That's not to say that having a bit of a do at your house wouldn't be advisable - i'd recommend a themed night and cocktails. :cool:

phasers · 11-05-2012 12:41am

ask them for a hooker and some drug money

KeithM89_old · 11-05-2012 12:42am

Key their car.

Your party fund will go to fixing it and theyll be too mad to throw you a party.

Polloloca · 11-05-2012 12:45am

I hate most people and didn't want a giant party inviting a lot of people I didnt like, just to make up numbers. What I done was had a gorgeous meal for best friends and immediate family, and headed to my local pub where I invited neighbours, friends and extended family. There was about 30 people there for my birthday, in a normal pub on a saturday night and the craic was unbelievable. Even people who weren't in our group joined in and it was so much fun.

If you are into just having a few friends over, thats your choice, but compromise if you can... Let them do something special for you too.

stupidusername · 11-05-2012 12:45am

I don't get it. It's a birthday the same as the rest, I really don't see the significance. If you don't want to do anything big for it then wtf.

Plazaman · 11-05-2012 12:46am

X-Box?? Damn it man, you're 21. Foxy Boxing should be the priority.

(A wrestling pond filled with Jelly for the all girls nude wrestling team wouldn't go astray either. PS I can help hand out the towels to the girls after the bouts)

Palytoxin · 11-05-2012 12:46am

I'm the very same, the last thing I'd want is big party focused on me, I was 18 in January, didn't bother doing anything for it. The mother wanted me to have a party, I didn't, got my way in the end

, didn't bother telling anyone it was my birthday at all

bronte · 11-05-2012 12:49am

I'm the same op.
I just wanted a meal locally with my parents and brother.
Hated the idea of a big fuss and all that.
They insisted on a party that ended up being 70+ people.
For what it's worth it was a lovely day even if I felt like a right eejit!

Insist on a stripper if you go ahead with it. Actually lots of strippers.
That'll learn them.

herisson · 11-05-2012 12:49am

Im 21 in 3 weeks and my parents are pushing for me to have a 21st...im still refusing

I dont want one simple as...i hate being the cenrte of attention so a big 21st is a no no for me!

Its your birthday...do what you want...dont let them push you into anything!

Pete M. · 11-05-2012 12:51am

When my daughter turns 21, I will definitely be having a party, with or without her!

Though I reckon she'll be there alright.

Liven up I say.

Few drinks and xBox?

Whoopdeedo :pac:

It's probably the last time someone will throw you a party so enjoy it :cool:

Giselle · 11-05-2012 12:51am

Gbear wrote: »

You're only 21 once. Do what you want to do.

It is in absolutely no way your parents 21st.

It sounds like they're being selfish tbh.

That's not to say that having a bit of a do at your house wouldn't be advisable - i'd recommend a themed night and cocktails. :cool:

Maybe they feel he's being low key for their sake to save them the expense, and want to throw him a bash to show some appreciation.

Maybe they want a big party and to invite all the family along with the friends so that they can be publicly proud of their eldest kid, and to show him they love him and want to remember the anniversary of the day they first became a family.

OP, if I were you I'd do the big family dinner in a restaurant and then have the friends over. Maybe that'll tick everyones boxes.

Shryke · 11-05-2012 12:51am

You're not being unreasonable. Your parents don't seem to understand how you feel. It's a bit awkward all around. If you think your parents would be very upset by you not doing anything then you should probably make some effort, even just at some compromise.
They raised you and they want you to have a good birthday and in their eyes that means having a bit of a bash. Or maybe they're more easy going than I imagine and you can explain to them what you would like.

Compromise and the like.

grindle · 11-05-2012 12:57am

You're not being unreasonable, you are being selfish (but not in a bad way).
I wouldn't (and didn't) compromise.
Go for what makes you happy, it's your birthday. Tell anyone who tries to pressure you to piss off.

iguana · 11-05-2012 1:01am

Brendog wrote: »

Now my parents are saying I'm being selfish because I'm the oldest and won't have a big celebration. "Its their first 21st too."

From now on whenever it's one of your parents' birthdays, don't get them a present. Get one for your grandparents and if your parents are upset point out that it's their birthday too.

Brendog · 11-05-2012 1:09am

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

Im 21 in 3 weeks and my parents are pushing for me to have a 21st...im still refusing

I dont want one simple as...i hate being the cenrte of attention so a big 21st is a no no for me!

Its your birthday...do what you want...dont let them push you into anything!

Thats exactly how I feel. How is booking a place and having a few hundred people come any fun? I'll be running around to see if everyone is having fun, have to talk to everyone including annoying relatives and not get to drink.

Told my parents they can use the money they've saved to give themselves a nice night out.

They'll just have to wait another 5 years for my attention seeking sibling to have a big box social the can invite everyone to.

humbert · 11-05-2012 1:12am

Luckily you live in Ireland so turning 21 to completely unimportant.

God damn Americanisation

CL7 · 11-05-2012 1:14am

Brendog wrote: »

Now my parents are saying I'm being selfish because I'm the oldest and won't have a big celebration. "Its their first 21st too."

They want to bully you into having a party you don't feel comfortable with because "It's their first 21st too"

Some parents are bat**** insane (mine included) IMO.

Canis Lupus · 11-05-2012 1:18am

It's just another day

Never did understand what the deal with being 21 is?

Pedant · 11-05-2012 1:22am

I turned 21 two weeks ago and didn't do anything. Just ordered some curry and watched a movie on my own. Turning 21 is no big deal. I never understood why people take birthdays so seriously, it's just under day and you're just another speck of dust in the grand scheme of things.

krudler · 11-05-2012 1:24am

I didnt have a 21st, they're usually sh1t anyway. some GAA hall filled with people dancing to some wankbag dj's idea of good music, rock the boat? **** off.

x_Ellie_x · 11-05-2012 1:24am

I understand completely. I was in the same situation with my parents at my 21st for the same reasons. I finally settled on having a house party with just my friends, cousins and a few aunts and uncles and family friends. It's your birthday, do what you want to do.

Pedant · 11-05-2012 1:27am

Anyway, I'm not that popular to have a 21st. And why book at big hall to have a party that's all about you? It takes some ego for someone to think their that special.

(*Secretly loathes popular people with friends*)

RichieC · 11-05-2012 1:29am

A night with over a hundred people celebrating my birthday is straight the **** from my nightmares.

shancoduff · 11-05-2012 1:36am

Brendog wrote: »

Thats exactly how I feel. How is booking a place and having a few hundred people come any fun?

Serious cash to be made there OP, quit being so damn selfish :pac:

AskMyChocolate · 11-05-2012 1:46am

I don't suppose you're lucky enough to have an older brother OP by any chance?

I had. He took me aside and assured me that while it was an important day for my mother (my Dad was deceased), he'd explain to her that a party wasn't really my thing.

Then, he took my mother aside, and explained to her that, there could be a quiet get-together for close friends, if she was invited.

Then, on the day, he took me out for "a small one" to steady my nerves.

By 3.00 p.m. I was relaxed. (And sh1t-faced).

He then rang my mother and explained that anyone who wanted to celebrate my birthday, would find us in The Purty Kitchen in Dun Laoghaire.

Hilarious night that ended back at home with friends and family.

Didn't feel self-conscious (thank you Dutch courage) the whole night, except for the whippogram.

But, I even got into that after the third swipe.;):pac:

Brendog · 11-05-2012 1:48am

shancoduff wrote: »

Serious cash to be made there OP, quit being so damn selfish :pac:

Jesus I WISH I had mates who gave my money on my birthday instead of saying "hello" and eating my food.

Now that I think about it, friends are assholes.

Battered Mars Bar · 11-05-2012 2:16am

I think for some parents, a 21st is very important. I remember being 10 and watching a video on the vcr of my cousins 21st. My parents proudly boasting that someday my 21st would trump that. Unfortunately I ended up being a loner and generally despising such sheep fests...so? ya, anyway load of cock OP, there's nothing to celebrate like you're only a year closer to death is all

WoollyRedHat · 11-05-2012 3:20am

O.k so I have an idea. Compromise if you will. Your parents say it's their 21st too... bingo! So here's the plan, you track down all their old friends, from school/ college and such, send out invitations to all of them and tell them that you're having a suprise 21st for your parents and would really love if they could come and that it would mean a lot to them. Rent out a place, get a themed night, to bring them back to when they were younger, and let everyone get their freak on.
Basically, give them the 21st they never had. Then you can have your 21st and they can have the party they never had, everyone's a winner.

Jesus Wept · 11-05-2012 3:29am

Brendog wrote: »

I'm turning 21 in July and have had my parents hounding at me to figure out what I want to do for it.
Basically I'm a shy guy who hates going out to nightclubs or having any attention thrust upon me.

They expected me to want to rent out somewhere and invite all my friends and relatives. I just want to have 5-10 friends up to my house to have a few drinks and play xBox.

Now my parents are saying I'm being selfish because I'm the oldest and won't have a big celebration. "Its their first 21st too."

I don't understand. I'm saving them hundreds of euro and they are mad at me? Someone please explain.

Your parents aren't 21 yet?

Tell thanks but it's not what you want. If they keep at it then they are being over bearing and not actually giving you what you want which means they suck.

bronte wrote: »

I'm the same op.
I just wanted a meal locally with my parents and brother.
Hated the idea of a big fuss and all that.
They insisted on a party that ended up being 70+ people.
For what it's worth it was a lovely day even if I felt like a right eejit!

Insist on a stripper if you go ahead with it. Actually lots of strippers.
That'll learn them.

Mr.Biscuits · 11-05-2012 3:31am

You think you have problems in life and then you read stuff like this.

Thinking of you OP.

Chucken · 11-05-2012 3:34am

Brendog wrote: »

I'm turning 21 in July and have had my parents hounding at me to figure out what I want to do for it.
Basically I'm a shy guy who hates going out to nightclubs or having any attention thrust upon me.

They expected me to want to rent out somewhere and invite all my friends and relatives. I just want to have 5-10 friends up to my house to have a few drinks and play xBox.

Now my parents are saying I'm being selfish because I'm the oldest and won't have a big celebration. "Its their first 21st too."

I don't understand. I'm saving them hundreds of euro and they are mad at me? Someone please explain.

Have you tried stomping your feet yet?

AskMyChocolate · 11-05-2012 3:55am

Demand a solid gold "key of the door" OP from anyone who cares to show up.

And then melt them down. Should leave you in serious profit or alone.

Win Win.

Also, don't make too many tuna sandwiches. For some reason, there's always too many tuna sandwiches.

Captain Graphite · 11-05-2012 4:16am

It's your birthday, do whatever you want. Don't give in to any pressure from anyone else.

I didn't want a big 21st either. I just planned to spend it with my boyfriend (on what would be my first birthday as a non-single person) and was looking forward to commemorating it that way instead. Then the night before he dumps me over a phonecall. :mad: So my actual birthday consisted of me drinking wine by myself and watching (500) Days of Summer.

Afterwards I wished I had organised something 'cause at least then I'd have something else to remember it by.

So if you don't want a big party or anything, and you are very adamant about that, then you shouldn't be forced into having one. But if you don't commemorate it at all you might end up regretting it later. Whatever happens for your 21st it's unlikely to be as awful as mine was so you can take comfort in that at least! :pac:

biko · 11-05-2012 8:32am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IShrytb1UZE

foxyboxer · 11-05-2012 9:30am

Plazaman wrote: »

X-Box?? Damn it man, you're 21. Foxy Boxing should be the priority.

(A wrestling pond filled with Jelly for the all girls nude wrestling team wouldn't go astray either. PS I can help hand out the towels to the girls after the bouts)

That can be arranged OP. PM me for a quote.

smash · 11-05-2012 9:31am

Tell them you'll have a big party if they buy you a car and a few strippers.

11-05-2012 9:33am

by the time mine came around i'd been to all my friends' ones with renting halls and djs and cringe
so i just went down to the pub with a load of friends and had no party
think the family were a bit surprised/disappointed but sure they got over it

Nothingbetter2d · 11-05-2012 9:36am

your parents want ya to get out meet new people move out of their house and stand on your own two feet.... nothing unreasonable about that

stop being a basement nerd and just do it

Immaculate Pasta · 11-05-2012 9:45am

Brendog wrote: »

I'm turning 21 in July and have had my parents hounding at me to figure out what I want to do for it.
Basically I'm a shy guy who hates going out to nightclubs or having any attention thrust upon me.

They expected me to want to rent out somewhere and invite all my friends and relatives. I just want to have 5-10 friends up to my house to have a few drinks and play xBox.

Now my parents are saying I'm being selfish because I'm the oldest and won't have a big celebration. "Its their first 21st too."

I don't understand. I'm saving them hundreds of euro and they are mad at me? Someone please explain.

http://nintendo.wikia.com/wiki/Shy_Guy

neil_hosey · 11-05-2012 9:50am

where did the whole 21st birthday thing come from anyway?!

its such a random number, you would think 20th birthday would be a big on because you are now an adult.

Ah... the mysteries of the universe

LuckyLloyd · 11-05-2012 9:53am

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

your parents want ya to get out meet new people move out of their house and stand on your own two feet.... nothing unreasonable about that

stop being a basement nerd and just do it

They'll also want you to work a certain type of job / rent or buy to fit certain timescales / marry a certain type of girl / and have kids by a specified age.

Your 21st is as good a time as any to let your parent's know that, while you love them, you intend to do what you think will make yourself happy the rest of the way from here.

St.Spodo · 11-05-2012 9:57am

I am going to do all I can to resist having a conventional 21st. The thought of all the aunties, uncles and neighbours juxtaposed with friends and people I don't like dancing awkwardly to S Club 7 is not my idea of a good time.

GLaDOS · 11-05-2012 10:03am

Brendog wrote: »

Jesus I WISH I had mates who gave my money on my birthday instead of saying "hello" and eating my food.

Now that I think about it, friends are assholes.

On the food issue, I'll take pizza, thanks.

saa · 11-05-2012 10:27am

Yeah my parents didn't give a damn about my 21st and I was too embarrassed to do anything because I felt the pressure to do something big and that is just not me and I'd be organising it on my own.. the few drinks sounds like a good idea, there is no reason though that you can't have a separate thing for family like a meal at the house or out somewhere.

Unreasonable or Selfless?

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