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I need help, this is starting to affect my moods and my general feelings

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  • 01-03-2015 11:07pm
    #1
    JimJones13
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭


    So there's this girl I've known for about a year and were good friends. During the summer we dated for a month but that has since ended. After we broke up she got together with her ex but again that is finished. I still have strong feelings for her but she doesn't know how she feels and she doesn't want a relationship now as she has been hurt before. We are very close and we talk everyday. Sometimes we meet up alone and kiss and make out. She tells me she cares and she can't imagine her life without me but ultimately she doesn't know how she feels. What do I do? She broke up with her ex about a month ago. Is there any hope or is it a lost cause?


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    #2
    Nervous Wreck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Nervous Wreck


    You're an emotional crutch for her; a stop-gap to fill the time and emotional void while she gets over her ex. When she figures out how she feels, it'll be that she feels she doesn't want another relationship right now but thanks for being such a good friend. If you wanna roll with that, go ahead but you need to be ready for the gentle letdown because it's not too far in the offing. Apologies for the bluntness, OP, but you kinda sound like you need to be told straight.


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    #3
    JimJones13
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭JimJones13


    She broke up with her boyfriend because of me. He gave her an ultimatum of him or me and she chose me and she says she doesn't regret it


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    #4
    Jasper_
    Registered Users Posts: 109 ✭✭Jasper_


    From my experience people that say "I don't want a relationship right now" funnily enough find it fairly easy to get in to a relationship when the right person comes round.

    For your own sanity I would take the grey out of this situation and just ask her straight out. Without sounding melodramatic or anything, ask her are you wasting your time. Get a black or white answer out of her. If she gives you another grey answer I would suggest you begin to distance yourself from her and move on with your life.


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    #5
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    What she's telling you is "I like you but not enough to be in a relationship with you". The poster above me hit the nail on the head when he said that people who say they don't want a relationship change their tune very quickly when they meet the right person. The same applies to all those doubts they have...

    Personally, I'd not take that talk of her breaking up with her boyfriend because of you as any sort of green light. That is if it's true in the first place. My take on this is that she knows you're mad about her. She's throwing you enough scraps from the table to keep you interested but she's fobbing you off with these vague "promises".

    For your own sake you would be better off cutting contact and moving on with your life. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can be friends - that's utter piffle. The only way you can get your head straight again is to cut contact, horrible and all as it will be. You could tell her what you're doing and why but don't get your hopes up that she'll change her mind about where you stand.


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    #6
    JimJones13
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭JimJones13


    We go to the same drama group so it's very hard to cut off contact. Plus she genuinely is one of my closest friends and has been since we broke up in August.


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    #7
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    Yes but friends don't meet up to make out, do they? Don't delude yourself here. You and her cannot be friends.


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    #8
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Right now you're too available.
    Why would she need to make up her mind?

    Take some space. Either she'll come around and commit or you'll have your answer. Though I don't think you'll like it. Personally I think you need to cut ties and move on, but that's just me.


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    #9
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    You say she broke up with her ex for you but she is still telling you she doesn't know how she feels about you, so something amiss there. If you really fancy her I would now give her the ultimatum, it is either a relationship with you or no contact at all. Just tell her to contact you again when she has made up her mind what she wants. Go to the drama group but don't go home with her. Tell her as little as possible about what you are doing. Do not engage with her unless it is the meeting where she tells you she has made up her mind. If she tells you she doesn't want a relationship with you then you are going to have to steer clear of her because friendships don't work when one person fancies the other.


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    #10
    stargazer 68
    Registered Users Posts: 5,078 ✭✭✭stargazer 68


    JimJones13 wrote: »
    She broke up with her boyfriend because of me. He gave her an ultimatum of him or me and she chose me and she says she doesn't regret it

    But she didn't 'chose' you OP - if she did you would be dating properly and not being her 'stop gap' as someone else said. Its time to listen to what she is actually saying - she doesn't want a relationship with you. Stop hanging around waiting for her and you will find someone who does want to be with you.


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