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Tired of always being the fighter!

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  • 01-03-2015 7:39pm
    #1
    trixychic
    Registered Users Posts: 1,138 ✭✭✭


    Let me give you some back ground.

    Me and oh are 7yrs together with 2 sons aged 5 and 3. We were best friends for 2yrs before that. We had met through our schools at 16/17 so we are still quite young. I had a very difficult upbringing and when i needed help he came, took me out of the situation and rescued me.

    At the time he was in college full time, working part time, playing rugby 4-6 times a week.

    After having my first son i developed depression, anxiety disorder and had a very difficult time once again. Over the course of 2 yrs he lost his job, dropped out of college due to feeling depressed (promising he'd do whatever it took to support me and baby) got new job, lost that one after working non stop for them, falling asleep on the way home, crashing and having to leave. He started just staying at home. Nothing doing. Needless to say things broke down. We ended up in counselling (not something he was too happy about but agreed to). It worked and we went on and had baby 2.

    He was still sitting at home though. So we ended up on the dole. During my 2nd preg i decided to do a childcare course. Got it done despite having baby in the middle.

    For the past 3yrs i have been in and out of part-time jobs, internships, schemes and such... All while oh is still sitting on the couch. We also went back to counselling in the last 3yrs where he said he wanted to be the stay at home dad. But while i was away working the house wasnt tidyed and he got neighbours to help with the play school drops despite it only being 5min walk.

    I am now trying yet another course to attempt full time work. While he is still sitting at home. I am sick of begging, fighting, talking and ignoring to try make this work.

    Now on the positive side (and i know you think Im crazy but please bear with me)...
    He is very good to me. With my history, depression and anxiety, i can be a pain to live with. And i know he loves me and i truly love him so so much! He is fantastic with the boys. They adore him and ever since Ive been out of my last job he does most everything in the house. Laundry, cooking cleaning. You get the picture. But he still wont get a job, his weight is out of control! He is obese! I keep suggesting counselling again. But all i keep getting is empty promises. Not meant tat way. They start out sincere! With every intention. But end up not happening. I am tired of fighting for our lives to be better.

    I dont know what to do. I have been with him since school, i do love him! And he is a great, kind, caring guy! But i want out lives to be more than struggling through. (Had it all my life!). I want my life to be with him! But i am tired of this rut and i am tired of being the only one fighting to get out of it, pulling him behind me.

    Dont think i am looking for advice. I just really needed to get this out!


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    #2
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Is it possible he himself is suffering from depression? Hes gone through some huge changes work wise and it may have hit him hard. Have you tried reassuring him? Telling him all the good things you wrote about him here? If he's open to couples counselling, would he be open to counselling on his own? Or talking to his gp?


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    #3
    trixychic
    Registered Users Posts: 1,138 ✭✭✭trixychic


    Hannibal Smith wrote: »
    Is it possible he himself is suffering from depression? Hes gone through some huge changes work wise and it may have hit him hard. Have you tried reassuring him? Telling him all the good things you wrote about him here? If he's open to couples counselling, would he be open to counselling on his own? Or talking to his gp?

    Thanks for your reply. Yea i have. I have covered every single avenue. And having been through depression and counselling i have asked him a few times. We even spoke about it in our last counselling. Before i got to tired, i was very much supporting his feelings. He is adamant to this day that its not that. While Im still not sure i cant push him any more.


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