Attending a wedding ceremony

Newaglish · 07-04-2011 12:21am #1

I'm going to a friend's wedding ceremony in the near future, which will consist of a Catholic mass. Having gone to a Christian Brothers school, I've been Christened, Communed (?) and Confirmed. None of it stuck though! I'm firmly atheist and am not into any form of religion but I'm happy to respect other people's beliefs.

As I'm attending the mass with some friends, I can't just sit at the back and not take part. I'm worried about the moment where people have to stand/sit/kneel/pray/etc. as I would rather stay seated as it would make me feel like a complete numpty to play along. I feel embarrassment and shame when I see my friends doing what I see as an adult version of the hokey pokey at the behest of an elderly man in a moomoo.

What I don't want to happen however is to look like I'm causing a scene or looking for attention by not taking part, as people would expect me to just play along, particularly as I'm "culturally Catholic".

I'm wondering how best to approach the scenario and not take part but without causing a fuss.

(P.S. I have no idea how well this reads ad I've typed it on my phone. Apologies!)

ShooterSF · 07-04-2011 12:31am

If you cant get to the back next best thing is just to stand when they stand. I don't bother kneeling as loads don't anyway but if you don't stand you look like you're protesting. As far as praying, blessing yourself etc. is concerned I have always told my friends I won't mock their belief by saying prayers they know I don't believe in. Hard for them to argue with that.

Zombrex · 07-04-2011 12:38am

Newaglish wrote: »

I'm going to a friend's wedding ceremony in the near future, which will consist of a Catholic mass. Having gone to a Christian Brothers school, I've been Christened, Communed (?) and Confirmed. None of it stuck though! I'm firmly atheist and am not into any form of religion but I'm happy to respect other people's beliefs.

As I'm attending the mass with some friends, I can't just sit at the back and not take part. I'm worried about the moment where people have to stand/sit/kneel/pray/etc. as I would rather stay seated as it would make me feel like a complete numpty to play along. I feel embarrassment and shame when I see my friends doing what I see as an adult version of the hokey pokey at the behest of an elderly man in a moomoo.

What I don't want to happen however is to look like I'm causing a scene or looking for attention by not taking part, as people would expect me to just play along, particularly as I'm "culturally Catholic".

I'm wondering how best to approach the scenario and not take part but without causing a fuss.

(P.S. I have no idea how well this reads ad I've typed it on my phone. Apologies!)

As a general rule I stand but don't kneel. Not standing seems more disrespectful, like not standing when the Queen comes in or something, where as kneeling is clearly about praying which I obviously don't do.

And I don't say the prayers, I simply keep quiet. When they do the shaking hands thing (peace be with you or what ever it is) I say "thank you" or "to you as well" or something like that.

unfortunately some people will always make a fuss if they see someone not going through the full motions. My ex at her sisters wedding had snide comments made by the grooms family because she didn't take communion. She had told the priest she wasn't going to but he stuck the hand out anyway (in fairness he was old and might have simply forgotten), which caused a pause and a few whispers from the other side of the church. But you just have to remember that this looks bad on them not you.

5huggy · 07-04-2011 12:45am

I havent been inside church doors for so many years excluding obligatory occasions such as funerals, baptisms and anniversaries for deceased family members, more so for the other members of the family. Any of these times i keep my mouth shut concerning any prayers or responses unless im having the craic with fellow atheist family members. I stand with the crowd just to fit in, i dont see any harm in it. To me its just kicking a ball against the wall, nothing comes of it. Kneel if i feel like it for the same reason as before or when the guy sitting behind me leans over the bench too far. I stay put for communion. Most of the family know my stance on religion and theres quite a few others who are the same as me so its no biggy.
When the mass is over i race out them chapel doors like charlie sheen to a bottle of scotch. All done and ready to enjoy the rest of the day.....

Tin Foil Hat · 07-04-2011 12:47am

Stand, but don't kneel. Keep your head down, your mouth shut and your brain firmly in the 'OFF' position.
I've had to endure dozens of weddings and funerals and this is what I do. Nobody takes any notice. There'll be plenty people doing exactly the same as you. Communion is the telling point. There's usually a good percentage of people who stay in their seats.
Fighting the boredom is the toughest part.

Turtwig · 07-04-2011 1:07am

It is pretty common for a lot of people to not kneel at weddings for a variety of reasons. A lot of Catholic weddings I have attended have actually had the priest say you may be seated. Take no notice of not kneeling, it's not really something that anyone will frown at or feel distaste towards. You are also under no obligation to receive communion. If you really need to, claim a weak tummy, or a sensitivity towards to gluten, but it shouldn't really be necessary. Not standing when you are capable of it though is seen as criminal. (Especially when the bride and groom are walking down the aisle.:))

Depending on the wedding you might not need to keep your brain in the off position. Some priests tend to make wedding humourous and jovial affairs.

Tin Foil Hat · 07-04-2011 1:13am

Malty_T wrote: »

It is pretty common for a lot of people to not kneel at weapons.

Lol. Smartphone?

Galvasean · 07-04-2011 1:14am

Malty_T wrote: »

It is pretty common for a lot of people to not kneel at weapons for a variety of reasons.

Hmm?

A neat little trick is the half kneel half sit. Assuming the bench is the right height you can get away with doing that for most of the ceremony.

Whatever you do, when the priest asks everybody to shake hands and say, "Peace be with you" do NOT say "Force be with you"

(haha, its in your head now. you're definately gonna do it!)

Turtwig · 07-04-2011 1:20am

Tin Foil Hat wrote: »

Lol. Smartphone?

Yeah, uh, smartphone, yeah, that was is it.:o
(Actually I was subconsciously planning my load out for my rainbow six team and the "weapons" just slipped in there.)

Frynge · 07-04-2011 1:24am

i find it easier to listen to whats being said as it easier than trying to not listen, and can on occasion be interesting.

most priest seem to be aware of alot of peoples daydreaming at weddings and so they usually try to throw in a few jokes and such.

also i try to sit in a seat furthest from the center aisle as there is less likely to be someone behind you jabbing you in the back to kneel

cavedave · 07-04-2011 8:11am

I find the songs really difficult. I like bit of a sing but many of the words I won't sing. It usually ends up a bit like these subtitled songs of praise

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lM6xbDX5iHU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-ZnPE3G_YY

Dades · 07-04-2011 10:40am

Tin Foil Hat wrote: »

Stand, but don't kneel. Keep your head down, your mouth shut and your brain firmly in the 'OFF' position.
I've had to endure dozens of weddings and funerals and this is what I do. Nobody takes any notice. There'll be plenty people doing exactly the same as you. Communion is the telling point. There's usually a good percentage of people who stay in their seats.
Fighting the boredom is the toughest part.

^^ All this!

Problem with not kneeling sometimes is when the person behind you is a real pew-chewer. Then you have to shift up so your arse is at the edge of your seat. The same people usually have really long prayer sessions after communion so you're stuck like that for ages.

For weddings I make sure I have my DLSR as that gives me plenty to be mucking about with and stave off the induced coma. That's less of an option at funerals.

kylith · 07-04-2011 11:37am

Stand when people stand and don't bother kneeling or going for communion. I like to imagine converting the church into a house to stave off the boredom coma, but I can never decide whether to have the master bedroom or a reading room/solar in the bell tower.

krudler · 07-04-2011 11:56am

Tin Foil Hat wrote: »

Stand, but don't kneel. Keep your head down, your mouth shut and your brain firmly in the 'OFF' position.
I've had to endure dozens of weddings and funerals and this is what I do. Nobody takes any notice. There'll be plenty people doing exactly the same as you. Communion is the telling point. There's usually a good percentage of people who stay in their seats.
Fighting the boredom is the toughest part.

Isnt that what most people do at mass? :pac:

aidan24326 · 07-04-2011 12:09pm

I think most of you are reading far too much into this. I go to church weedings/christenings etc and it doesn't bother me. At a christening a while back I did get mildly irked by the total nonsense the priest was coming out with, but then again I'm in a church so what do I expect?

As for the whole etiquette, I would stand as required but not bother kneeling. And if anyone has a problem with your lack of participation you treat them with the disdain they deserve. Other than that I don't see the problem, some atheists I know seem to view entering a church as some kind of painful experience, which is just silly. I hate the catholic church but I've no particular problem entering a church when the occasion demands it, and will respect the proceedings as much as I may find the whole thing to be nonsensical.

Attending a wedding ceremony

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