Am I overreacting?

wexie · 17-07-2014 11:38am #1

I just found out that my manager has discussed my depression with another manager with either my knowledge or consent. (I was off earlier in the year for a few months with severe anxiety and it's an ongoing issue).

Apparently his justification was that he needed to let someone know as he's going on holidays (till tuesday!!! :mad:).

Up till now he's been one of two people in work to know, my manager and a close colleague who needed to know.

I'm in the middle of drafting an email tearing his head off and essentially saying I'll be taking this to higher level management and HR but I've decided I'll go bring the dogs for a walk before I send it.

Am I overreacting? Surely this is seriously out of order and highly unprofessional?
(to make matters worse he's married to one of our high level HR managers so he should really have known better).

Mrs OBumble · 17-07-2014 12:10pm

Yes you are over-reacting.

If the other manager is covering for him, then the other manager needs to be briefed about the issues which may impact. That includes any health problems or disabilities for which the company has to make "reasonable accommodation" - which is the only reason why your current manager needs to know details.

Despite what you may think, you don't ever really have a confidential relationship with your manager. At a minimum, everything you say to them may be passed on to HR, and recorded in your personal file and thus available to anyone else who takes over your manager's job in future.

InReality · 17-07-2014 12:51pm

Fair play for being able to cool down. I understand why your pissed but overall your better off that your managers know this stuff.
Might be easier to deal with knowing thta its quite likely they/someone they are close either had or might have it in the future .

I think the last stats I saw were that 90% of people will have an anxiety problem of some type e in their lives.

Teyla Emmagan · 17-07-2014 12:57pm

I also think you're overreacting. You'd be very much in the wrong to email your manager ripping their head off. They are only doing their job, and their job is to make sure the place is covered in their absence. No matter how short an absence that is. HR will probably back them up I'm sure, so I don't think that route will get you anywhere.

If you have a issue that could potentially affect your work it should be on file anyway, as in HR should know about it (this sounds like they don't). Just so both you and the company are covered in the future. Anxiety can go on for years (as I know). I don't think you should make a big deal out of this.

mondeo · 17-07-2014 1:04pm

Keep a cool head....Let it go.

wexie · 17-07-2014 1:15pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Yes you are over-reacting.

If the other manager is covering for him, then the other manager needs to be briefed about the issues which may impact. That includes any health problems or disabilities for which the company has to make "reasonable accommodation" - which is the only reason why your current manager needs to know details.

Despite what you may think, you don't ever really have a confidential relationship with your manager. At a minimum, everything you say to them may be passed on to HR, and recorded in your personal file and thus available to anyone else who takes over your manager's job in future.

The problem is though, that 1) this second manager isn't actually covering for my manager (during his very brief absence) and she is on annual leave until Monday as well 2)the company aren't making any 'reasonable' accommodation that she would need to be aware of.

So in short, there is no valid operational reason as to why this person would need to know.

So what you're saying is that I have no expectation of privacy and my manager is free to discuss anything he feels like with anybody he feels like? Despite me explicitly having asked for this to remain confidential.

(HR would have already been aware as they have been documenting sick certs)

tenifan · 17-07-2014 1:26pm

Wexie, you need to calm down. "Taking this to higher level management and HR" is not going to achieve anything, apart from making yourself a giant pain in the asses of those in higher management and HR.

If you want something to remain 100% private, you don't tell anyone... because it's human nature to gossip and find out stuff.

IngazZagni · 17-07-2014 1:44pm

I believe whoever is your manager, no matter how short a timeframe needs to be aware of your situation. You took leave from the company for multiple months which makes you a high risk asset. This person needs to be aware of this and take this information into consideration should any problems arise while the usual manager is away.

In short, yes I think you are overreacting.

whomitconcerns · 17-07-2014 4:14pm

sorry..but you are overreacting...managers in this situation need to be aware of things like this and its in your best interests. Now if teh other manager used this against you for some reason or shared this with someone not in a managerial (need to know) position in the company thats different.

Is your concern teh sharing of the info? Or do you believe it will negatively impact on you? If the latter discuss lightly with HR. If the former dont worry about it in this case.

Either way a "tearing the head off" mail is going to help no one and DEFINITELY will impact on you long term.

Eoin · 17-07-2014 5:05pm

I can't see how that email will help things at all. I hope you reconsidered sending it. Even if it was justified anger, then it still won't achieve much.

If it wasn't an ongoing issue, then perhaps there would be some justification to be angry; but obviously your manager is concerned that it could flare up at short notice, and it wouldn't be great if it was due to the covering manager triggering it by not knowing the story.

Recondite49 · 17-07-2014 5:17pm

wexie wrote: »

I just found out that my manager has discussed my depression with another manager with either my knowledge or consent. (I was off earlier in the year for a few months with severe anxiety and it's an ongoing issue).

Apparently his justification was that he needed to let someone know as he's going on holidays (till tuesday!!! :mad:).

Up till now he's been one of two people in work to know, my manager and a close colleague who needed to know.

I'm in the middle of drafting an email tearing his head off and essentially saying I'll be taking this to higher level management and HR but I've decided I'll go bring the dogs for a walk before I send it.

Am I overreacting? Surely this is seriously out of order and highly unprofessional?
(to make matters worse he's married to one of our high level HR managers so he should really have known better).

I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time wexie, hope you feel better.

May I ask how you found out about your Manager discussing your depression with someone else?

Mrs OBumble · 17-07-2014 5:50pm

wexie wrote: »

So what you're saying is that I have no expectation of privacy and my manager is free to discuss anything he feels like with anybody he feels like? Despite me explicitly having asked for this to remain confidential.

Your manager isn't free to discuss things with whoever s/he feels like. So your anger may be justified if the other manager isn't covering. But you'd want to be very sure who is covering (both no and next week / month / whatever) before you kick up over it, though.

But on the other hand, they are free to discuss with their manger, and with HR and with whatever manager is covering for them.

Your request for confidentiality is irrelevant: some companies even have policies that say managers must report requests for confidentiality to HR. And there are good reasons for this - managers are trained to manage employment, not to provide emotional support etc. They can be sucked into very difficult positions if they mistakenly think they have to maintain confidences.

LynnGrace · 18-07-2014 11:00am

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I also think you're overreacting. You'd be very much in the wrong to email your manager ripping their head off. They are only doing their job, and their job is to make sure the place is covered in their absence. No matter how short an absence that is. HR will probably back them up I'm sure, so I don't think that route will get you anywhere.

If you have a issue that could potentially affect your work it should be on file anyway, as in HR should know about it (this sounds like they don't). Just so both you and the company are covered in the future. Anxiety can go on for years (as I know). I don't think you should make a big deal out of this.

Agreed. I can understand that you would be upset, initially. That's a natural reaction. It's best not to get into emailing something while you are still annoyed. Take the chance at a later stage to discuss it, with your manager, if you feel that would help.

who_me · 18-07-2014 11:24am

I had a similar-ish situation myself - a few years back my manager knew I had social anxiety and was regularly seeing a psychiatrist & CBT therapist. One day a large group of work colleagues and I were at lunch, and he made some joke involving me, following it up with: "oh yeah, you'll probably run crying to your therapist about that too". Thanks "buddy"! Luckily enough, I didn't mind if people knew or not, but it was a bit of a dickish way of letting everyone know. So I have a lot of sympathy for you in this situation.

My own feeling is that often a manager would have to discuss employees health issues with others - particularly if you have been or are likely to be off work. But generally there's no need to discuss the specifics. "That employee has health issues, may require time off" - that's all that needs to be said. Personally in that situation, I'd have a polite word (or email) with the manager in question asking if he could keep your health details as private as possible. I think that's a very reasonable request.

Am I overreacting?

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