boyfriend won't communicate

LegacyUser · 20-02-2008 2:58pm #1

Have been going steady with new boyfriend for last two months or so, all going great overall and then this week he has started shutting me out somewhat, he knows I'm having a bad time in work but I don't take it out on him, ever, and am an optimistic person anyway. He's having a bad week in work and with couple of other things and well he's being standoffish, even rude to me, rang me up last night and said that he was just ringing to basically say goodnight as he was wrecked and that he probably should have called me earlier (the liverpool game was on so I left him to it as well and hadn't called him either). Then today I asked him about how he had gotten on with something and he was saying thanks for the help but that he'd rather sort it out himself.. then later I sent general msg with something funny and he shot it down.

He's not communicating with me and I've tried all I can. What can I do?

humanji · 20-02-2008 3:31pm

Well this week has only been 3 days. Maybe he just wants a bit of space to sort out what ever his problem is. Pestering him will just make him distance himself more. Just give he a break til the weekend and see how he is.

Lawless_Samurai · 20-02-2008 3:35pm

humanji wrote: »

Pestering him will just make him distance himself more. Just give he a break til the weekend and see how he is.

+1 That

Be there for him but let him come to you

Donegal Lass · 20-02-2008 3:38pm

Yes, Just leave him be at the moment. Its a relatively short period of time, so just let him know you're there for him and go about keeping busy another way. If it continues however (im talking weeks rather than days) have a talk with him about it and explain how its making you feel.

9/10 times if you ignore them, they'll miss the attention!

nevaeh-2die-4 · 20-02-2008 3:39pm

U Have only been with him for 2 months, he prob isn’t taking the relationship that serious at this early stage, stop smothering the poor chap & give him a bit of space.

Riddle101 · 20-02-2008 3:39pm

Give him some time to himself, and let him come to you when the time is right. He might be sad at something or maybe he's not in the mood. Also in a rather drastic measure if all still goes wrong, maybe jusrt ask him what's up. The worst he can do is get angry but he'll calm down

seamus · 20-02-2008 3:41pm

humanji wrote: »

Well this week has only been 3 days. Maybe he just wants a bit of space to sort out what ever his problem is. Pestering him will just make him distance himself more. Just give he a break til the weekend and see how he is.

+2

Understand the importance of "the cave" for men. If he's having a ****ty week, then he probably just wants to go home, watch TV and talk to nobody. Feel free to text him once or twice, but don't launch into conversation or try to discuss his ****ty week with him. He wants to stew, not chat.

Just because he's not talking to you, doesn't mean he's being intentionally horrible to you or trying to avoid or shut you out. By trying to engage him, you're disturbing his stewing.

When he has perked up at the weekend, feel free to make fun of him for being a grumpy fecker all week and he'll probably realise that he could have been a bit less moody.

Mr. Incognito · 20-02-2008 3:41pm

classic men are from mars. Men don't communicate period unless they have something to say. Stop being paranoid, he rang you to say good night and he was tired, this means, wait for it....... he was tired. Duly translated.

seamus · 20-02-2008 3:50pm

SetantaL wrote: »

classic men are from mars. Men don't communicate period unless they have something to say. Stop being paranoid, he rang you to say good night and he was tired, this means, wait for it....... he was tired. Duly translated.

It actually also means that he does care, despite any thoughts otherwise.

If he didn't care, he wouldn't have bother ringing.

hanton12 · 20-02-2008 6:30pm

in fairness to him, a lot of men get like that. I know I do, doesnt really mean anything, just dont feel like talking. Dont be fretting over it anyway.

When I read this thread it reminded me of a joke that was doing the rounds by email, found it here:

The differences between men and women

HER DIARY:

Thursday, 24th March 2007
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of Silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep.

MAN'S DIARY:

Thursday 24th March 2007
Liverpool lost to Man United. Absolutely gutted. Got a shag though.

20-02-2008 6:44pm

stop pestering him
when im tired and having a bad/ day week i want to deal with it on my own, not have people constantly asking me whats wrong or being emotionally demanding

when he wants to talk to you he will talk so trust him and leave it at that

How Strange · 20-02-2008 7:34pm

have to agree with all the other posters. You are together 2 months so you hardly know each other.

Leave him alone, do your own thing for a few days and he'll get in contact when he wants to.

Men are as deep as a puddle when it comes to emotions. They wear it in their sleeve. If he says he's tired then he's tired. If he's quiet its because he's quiet - not because he is comtemplating the meaning of life or how your relationship is going.

One thing men hate is to be nagged - are you alright, why are you quiet etc etc etc.

It took me over 2 years to figure this out but life was so much more simple when I did.

Tobias Greeshman · 20-02-2008 8:35pm

Yep us men are incredibly simple creatures unlike our female counterparts. If he's having a rough week of it with work, then he probably is. Maybe he's had to work late a few nights and was completely shattered by the time he got home so dropped in front of the tv and went to bed. He did go out of his way to ring you, as well.

Just give him some space and lay off on the nagging, nothing annoys us blokes as much as a gf who nags us.

boyfriend won't communicate

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