Communal Shower Issue

billion dollar baby · 03-02-2013 8:25pm #1

Right i have a question for the lads here. I use my local gym quite often and always shower afterwards. The showers are not private ones but are like a row of communal showers. Thats fine, i'm not the shy type so i always shower naked as do most of the other lads there. Usually not a problem. Everybody gets on with their own thing. Now the thing is the gym also has a pool so people who swim use it to. Thats also grand. So i was in there today and after my workout i went in to use the shower. The place was overrun with kids and parents who had been swimming. That was grand they were not bothering me. So i stripped out of my sweaty clothes and got naked for my shower. As i walked into the shower area i noticed that there were lots of other people, both grown men and kids, in the shower including a girl about 8 years old. Everyone was showering in their swimming costumes. I was the only one naked. I immediately felt awkward. I could feel every set of eyes on me and i instantly felt like a pervert or something. I quickly showered and got dressed. So i guess my question is what is the appropriate thing to do in this situation? Should i not have showered or maybe put underwear on to shower. I wasn't swimming so i had no trunks. Does this happen to any other lads on here? Thanks for reading guys

dukedalton · 03-02-2013 8:29pm

billion dollar baby wrote: »

Right i have a question for the lads here. I use my local gym quite often and always shower afterwards. The showers are not private ones but are like a row of communal showers. Thats fine, i'm not the shy type so i always shower naked as do most of the other lads there. Usually not a problem. Everybody gets on with their own thing. Now the thing is the gym also has a pool so people who swim use it to. Thats also grand. So i was in there today and after my workout i went in to use the shower. The place was overrun with kids and parents who had been swimming. That was grand they were not bothering me. So i stripped out of my sweaty clothes and got naked for my shower. As i walked into the shower area i noticed that there were lots of other people, both grown men and kids, in the shower including a girl about 8 years old. Everyone was showering in their swimming costumes. I was the only one naked. I immediately felt awkward. I could feel every set of eyes on me and i instantly felt like a pervert or something. I quickly showered and got dressed. So i guess my question is what is the appropriate thing to do in this situation? Should i not have showered or maybe put underwear on to shower. I wasn't swimming so i had no trunks. Does this happen to any other lads on here? Thanks for reading guys

I would say whatever father brought his eight year old daughter into the male showers is the person in the wrong.

GalwayGuy2 · 03-02-2013 8:30pm

I'm surprised they aren't segregated by Gender:S

Runaway34 · 03-02-2013 8:35pm

As a father of an 8 year old girl I would never dream of bringing her into the male showers. Like the OP I would always shower naked so I'd know not to take her in there...... Nothing to be ashame or worried off......

billion dollar baby · 03-02-2013 9:01pm

Runaway34 wrote: »

As a father of an 8 year old girl I would never dream of bringing her into the male showers. Like the OP I would always shower naked so I'd know not to take her in there...... Nothing to be ashame or worried off......

It wasn't even the fact that she was there that bothered me (although she was probably too old to be in a male shower) it was the fact that everybody was showering in their swimming trunks. Now thats completely personal choice but to me it felt like they were deliberately covering up because of the children there. But because i didn't cover myself i felt and could actually see them looking at me. I'm not the type to worry about things usually but this has unsettled me. You have be too carefull these days especially when it comes to children and nudity

03-02-2013 9:03pm

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

I'm surprised they aren't segregated by Gender:S

They are.

If I were you, I would approach the managers of the gym and make a complaint, explaining to them the situation. The gym could be opening themselves to a whole heap of trouble, especially because you were naked, as you are somewhat entitled to be in a changing room and shower area.

foxinsox · 03-02-2013 9:09pm

It's a bit of awkward situation ..

I can't really decide..

There are two sides though..

OP should be able to shower as always..naked or trunks.

I was thinking that maybe the parent (dad) could be single father, wife/mother could be away and kids really wanted to go swimming.

9 is a bit too old for mens changing room.

but 9 is a bit too young to be left completely alone in womens changing room.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

But I guess Sunday would have more kids around pool anyway. Maybe naked mon-fri and trunk shower weekends?

Or even better pool should have one or two cubicle showers for families.

EDIT: don't be worrying about it OP you did nothing wrong.

enda1 · 04-02-2013 5:15pm

foxinsox wrote: »

It's a bit of awkward situation ..

I can't really decide..

There are two sides though..

OP should be able to shower as always..naked or trunks.

I was thinking that maybe the parent (dad) could be single father, wife/mother could be away and kids really wanted to go swimming.

9 is a bit too old for mens changing room.

but 9 is a bit too young to be left completely alone in womens changing room.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

snip.

Anything above about 6 is old enough to change on their own I think. In no circumstance (ok bar mental disability I suppose) should a child who's too old be brought into the opposite gender's changing rooms I think.

Honey-ec · 04-02-2013 5:23pm

enda1 wrote: »

Anything above about 6 is old enough to change on their own I think. In no circumstance (ok bar mental disability I suppose) should a child who's too old be brought into the opposite gender's changing rooms I think.

I'd imagine most people would consider allowing a 6-year-old to go into a changing room on their own to be nothing short of negligent, tbh.

awec · 04-02-2013 5:25pm

This post has been deleted.

enda1 · 04-02-2013 5:26pm

Honey-ec wrote: »

I'd imagine most people would consider allowing a 6-year-old to go into a changing room on their own to be nothing short of negligent, tbh.

Depends on the kid I suppose. But there's far too much scaremongering going on re kids these days.

awec · 04-02-2013 5:30pm

This post has been deleted.

super_furry · 04-02-2013 5:36pm

Either let her go into the changing room on her own or shower her when you get home. You can't bring a 9/10 year-old-girl into a male changing room.

04-02-2013 8:56pm

awec wrote: »

It's a tough problem to solve, clearly bringing the child in to the other changing room is not a satisfactory solution.

Maybe in future swimming pools can offer smaller family changing rooms, with only enough room for 4 or 5 people that young single parent families can ask for when they go to the pool. Have 3 or 4 of those available.

Or have the normal changing rooms, but put cubicles in there, which would be family rooms. Then everybody could have feel comfortable.

There's always a chance that a child might not understand that they shouldn't be in a toilet or changing room of the opposite sex, without their parent or guardian with them, thus possibly leading to a whole heap of trouble.

GalwayGuy2 · 04-02-2013 9:03pm

Being honest, I think this perception of being seen as a pervert for showering naked in front of children is a problem. Society has created that problem. Obviously the young girl shouldn't be there, that is clearly the problem in this case.

But men shouldn't feel ashamed or like a pervert for showering naked. That is perfectly normal and acceptable.

Hmm, is it racist that I thought the father may be European? Is nakedness as big of a deal in some parts of Europe? Although, that's probably in families rather than public.

Stark · 04-02-2013 9:09pm

Same thing happens all the time in the NAC. Tbh, I just get naked and get on with it. Given that there are family changing cubicles and showers across the way, I can only assume that the fathers are fully happy with their daughters seeing men naked if they're bringing them in. They have a semi-open/semi-cubicle arrangement anyway so you're not too obvious to other people.

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Hmm, is it racist that I thought the father may be European? Is nakedness as big of a deal in some parts of Europe? Although, that's probably in families rather than public.

Seems to be mostly Irish guys who do it in my experience.

Pawwed Rig · 05-02-2013 10:26am

Deleted User wrote: »

If I were you, I would approach the managers of the gym and make a complaint, explaining to them the situation. The gym could be opening themselves to a whole heap of trouble, especially because you were naked, as you are somewhat entitled to be in a changing room and shower area.

I agree with this completely

foxinsox wrote: »

EDIT: don't be worrying about it OP you did nothing wrong.

I agree the OP did nothing wrong but if a complaint is made about him regardless of whether he did something wrong or not he may be in a world of pain.
Reminds me of this story
http://www.independent.ie/national-news/pool-swimmer-over-the-moon-after-being-cleared-of-lewd-act-3002687.html

Solair · 05-02-2013 10:38am

I think you've a reasonable expectation to being able to change in a changing room / shower in a shower. It's not a public space in the sense that it's a changing room which is specifically meant to be a place you can be naked in order to change / shower.

Sports clubs/gyms/pools etc usually provide a family changing area where parents can look after kids getting changed. Maybe your place has those but isn't advertising them very well or the father's totally unaware of them (e.g. doesn't speak / read English very well)

On communal showers though, I think in a team-sports type scenario where you basically know your team mates and it's a kind of 'professional' type environment they're OK but when it's just a general sports facility like a gym/pool/whatever it's a lot better to provide cubicles and individual showers. Many gyms just have a set up where there are open cubicles that give you a good amount of privacy without making it difficult to clean i.e. no shower curtains / doors etc, just a well laid out facility.

It's not that someone's going to be a perv, but it's more that not everyone's comfortable showering like that in a communal space and I don't think they should be forced to by not providing the facility.

Even in a team type context, it's a bit unfair to make the % of people who don't find showering in front of everyone comfortable do something that they find intensely difficult.

Some people have issues with body image etc etc and they can be really pronounced in a gym where someone's perhaps coming along to loose weight / get fit and can be extremely self-concious.

I know I've female relatives who wouldn't even go to the gym because they were 100% convinced that everyone would be giggling at their weight! Yet, without going they weren't going to get fit.

In my experience, most modern facilities have cubicle type setups.

I would make a complaint to the management and tell them that you're considering changing gym / pool over it as it's not fair/right/comfortable etc.

iptba · 08-02-2013 7:16am

Solair wrote: »

I think you've a reasonable expectation to being able to change in a changing room / shower in a shower. It's not a public space in the sense that it's a changing room which is specifically meant to be a place you can be naked in order to change / shower.

Sports clubs/gyms/pools etc usually provide a family changing area where parents can look after kids getting changed. Maybe your place has those but isn't advertising them very well or the father's totally unaware of them (e.g. doesn't speak / read English very well)

On communal showers though, I think in a team-sports type scenario where you basically know your team mates and it's a kind of 'professional' type environment they're OK but when it's just a general sports facility like a gym/pool/whatever it's a lot better to provide cubicles and individual showers. Many gyms just have a set up where there are open cubicles that give you a good amount of privacy without making it difficult to clean i.e. no shower curtains / doors etc, just a well laid out facility.

It's not that someone's going to be a perv, but it's more that not everyone's comfortable showering like that in a communal space and I don't think they should be forced to by not providing the facility.

Even in a team type context, it's a bit unfair to make the % of people who don't find showering in front of everyone comfortable do something that they find intensely difficult.

Some people have issues with body image etc etc and they can be really pronounced in a gym where someone's perhaps coming along to loose weight / get fit and can be extremely self-concious.

I know I've female relatives who wouldn't even go to the gym because they were 100% convinced that everyone would be giggling at their weight! Yet, without going they weren't going to get fit.

In my experience, most modern facilities have cubicle type setups.

I would make a complaint to the management and tell them that you're considering changing gym / pool over it as it's not fair/right/comfortable etc.

FWIW, I've come across at least one situation where it was communal in men's but not in the ladies', which would be annoying for men who find it awkward. I'm not really an expert on what happens in the ladies' generally but have got the impression that might not have been an exception (i.e. that there were quite a few swimming pools where it was communal in the men's but not in the ladies').

(Having grown up playing team sports, I got used to nakedness in communal showers so not something I was concerned about in general, but could see how it might be different for other males.)

Skuxx · 09-02-2013 4:59pm

Being honest OP you have nothing to be worried about! Its perfectly normal for grown men to shower naked in a male changing room after training!! I've been doing it since I was about 12 when I started playing team sports in school!
Its what you do every week, so the fact that there was a young kid there this time doesn't make you a pervert!!

As was said, the girls father is 100% wrong in this case!

Topper7 · 12-02-2013 1:49am

Having worked & used many gyms over the years I would say that there was nothing wrong in what you did especially as it was the male changing/shower area. Would be different if it was communal/family shower area. As you use the gym a good bit I would imagine you are friendly with some of the other members? Maybe you could discuss & see if they feel the same way? Also Id imagine you know some of the staff so why not mention it someday to a supervisor etc even if its just in passing, that way they can be aware off it & monitor any other problems of this nature.

wallycharlo · 15-02-2013 12:48pm

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

... Is nakedness as big of a deal in some parts of Europe? Although, that's probably in families rather than public.

Definitely not as big an issue in mainland Europe. E.g. it would be quite common to have mixed saunas at large swimming pools, where both men and wowen would be naked, and nobody would take any issue or even bat an eyelid. Just one example.

Though in this particular case, I would imagine that most of the distress caused to the OP would be connected to the fact that it was a young girl in question, i.e. if it had been an adult then I do think the same concerns would be there.

I can see how the situation may have been awkward, but I would also think that the OP did absolutely nothing wrong, and that whoever was responsible for the child was clearly at fault here.

15-02-2013 2:56pm

awec wrote: »

Maybe in future swimming pools can offer smaller family changing rooms, with only enough room for 4 or 5 people that young single parent families can ask for when they go to the pool. Have 3 or 4 of those available.

Throughout Europe in my experience that is exactly what they do do. In fact there seems to be two options and the majority of places I have been to have both of them. A smaller number have one or the other. Few places have neither.

The first option is - as you say - enlarged cubicles allowing for more than one person - usually closer to 3/4/5.

The second option is "Family Areas" which are rooms big enough for 4 or 5 families used together. The understanding being that anyone in there is perfectly ok with the fact that there is going to be men - women - and kids in there doing their thing and if that bothers you you do not go in.

I myself have never really held the opinion that a child merely witnessing nudity is going to harm them anyway.

Triangla · 15-02-2013 3:06pm

Pretty bad situation to be caught in.

Quite easy to get a bad name from some irked parents in that situation. If I saw kids like that in the changing room I'd be leaving my kacks on.

If there are kids present you should not have your mickey out, pretty straight forward.

Can't believe the dads don't let the daughter go in next door with a mum.

It's annoying but you just have to adjust. I just don't use gyms where kids are allowed.

wallycharlo · 15-02-2013 3:18pm

Triangla wrote: »

...

If there are kids present you should not have your mickey out, pretty straight forward.

...

While fully respecting your opinion, I would not agree. If it's a male shower area, then, in my opinion, one is fully entitled to shower as one normally would, i.e. in your birthday suit, without feeling that one has done anything wrong.

15-02-2013 3:27pm

^ Agreed. As I said in the post previously I see no reason to think a child seeing a bit of nudity is going to harm the in any way. If one does not share that opinion with me then one should not bring their own children to places where nudity is the norm. That is their choice. But certainly one does not get to tell me where my "mickey" should or should not be in a communal shower - children present or not.

"Oh no a child might see a _penis_" is just shrill nonsense to me. It is not going to harm anyone.

Piliger · 16-02-2013 2:53am

billion dollar baby wrote: »

So i guess my question is what is the appropriate thing to do in this situation? Should i not have showered or maybe put underwear on to shower. I wasn't swimming so i had no trunks. Does this happen to any other lads on here? Thanks for reading guys

You did exactly the right thing in going ahead.

However you should have lodged a serious complaint with the management about this crowd and how they behaved, in unilaterally creating the expectation that everyone would be in swimsuits, and introducing an 8yo girl into a male shower area without the permission of the other men - which is ridiculous and unacceptable.

People need to lighten up about an 8yo seeing men's bodies for goodness sakes - in my view the issue is consent from BOTH groups.

CdeC · 20-02-2013 10:57am

We're a bit more uptight about this than other nations.

Similar thing happened to me OP and felt very weird. I wear swimming trunks not speedos so showering in them is a pain.

To be honest places should provide a third family shower area, or cubicles.

the_syco · 20-02-2013 4:33pm

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Hmm, is it racist that I thought the father may be European? Is nakedness as big of a deal in some parts of Europe? Although, that's probably in families rather than public.

Europeans give less of a damn, as there's no stupid catholic guilt.

Triangla wrote: »

If there are kids present you should not have your mickey out, pretty straight forward.

How the f**k do you wash your balls with your pants on?

=-=

It's catholic guilt that make so many people awkward about their bodies, and said parents are passing on their bad habits to their kids. In saying that, I'd query staff on why parents are bringing their female kids into the male showers.

If anyone ever told me to wrap a towel around my waist when going to the male showers in the male changing room, I'd inform the kids of as many bad words as possible.

Piliger · 20-02-2013 4:40pm

Triangla wrote: »

Quite easy to get a bad name from some irked parents in that situation. If I saw kids like that in the changing room I'd be leaving my kacks on.

Which is your right.

If there are kids present you should not have your mickey out, pretty straight forward.

Why ?

Can't believe the dads don't let the daughter go in next door with a mum.

Any old stranger ?

It's annoying but you just have to adjust. I just don't use gyms where kids are allowed.

As if your right.

Gillo · 20-02-2013 5:13pm

Triangla wrote: »

Can't believe the dads don't let the daughter go in next door with a mum.

Speaking as a single parent of a daughter about the same age as the girl in the OP's post, that's not practicle for a lot of people. While I'm sure that 99.9 % of the time she would be perfectly fine going by herself into the womens changing room, that tiny .1% is the risk any parent doesn't want to take.

OP you did nothing wrong, although if it had been me chances are I'd have worn something just to avoid any risk.

If I did bring her swimming we'd go the the NAC where there are changing cubiles so luckily not an issue for me.

Communal Shower Issue

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