Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Need to get something of my chest.

Options
  • 13-04-2008 12:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I realised a couple of weeks ago that I was crushing on a very close friend of mine(so close that rumours abound in our soial circle that stuff is going on between us, which it's not). Thought nothing of it, just another silly little teenagery crush, though at 19, I thought I was past all that. Then we were all out clubbing the other night, and on the dance floor, she went off with a random guy. They started kissing and just seeing it made me feel seriously physically ill, had to go out for air so as not to throw up. I left soon after, blaming a headache.

    The thing is, I now can't talk to her without feeling really awkward. In the grand scheme of things, I reckon I'd be better off just getting over it, as ultimately, I'd prefer just to be friends. I feel that I need to talk to her about it as I have the silly feeling that she's on to me. Do you reckon I'd be best talking to her in private, or going to her best mate(with whom I'm quite friendly) and spilling it to her first?

    This crush(/jealousy) is really getting me down.

    Advice?


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    aoife000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭aoife000


    ok just curious, have you told her at all how you feel? and do you know for definite that she doesn't feel the same?


  • Options
    #3
    Shelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Shelli


    OP, are you male or female? I only ask because it may ad further complications to the situation.


  • Options
    #4
    Gyalist
    Registered Users Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Gyalist


    The thing is, I now can't talk to her without feeling really awkward. In the grand scheme of things, I reckon I'd be better off just getting over it, as ultimately, I'd prefer just to be friends. I feel that I need to talk to her about it as I have the silly feeling that she's on to me. Do you reckon I'd be best talking to her in private, or going to her best mate(with whom I'm quite friendly) and spilling it to her first?

    Do not say a word to either her or her best friend. It would be much better for you though if you found some more female friends outside of your usual social circle.


  • Options
    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    @aoife000: Haven't said a peep to anyone, not even my best mate(as he can be a bit headstrong). Whether or not she feels the same? I haven't a clue, yes there are things that make me wonder it(that's how this all started!), but whether she's just being friendly or not, I just dunno. Women do still play mind games, right? ;)

    @Shelli: Male, and of roughly the same age (I'm a month or two older). It's not complicated on that front!

    @Gyalist: The logical part of my brain says not to aswell. I doubt she'd flip out, but it might affect our friendship for a couple of weeks...


  • Options
    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    No one ever gets over having crushes on people (what would be the fun of that?). Just the older you get, the more you recognize it and know how to deal with it or through it.

    Why do you say you'd ultimately just want to be friends? If there's something about her that would eliminate any long term potential, then okay. But if you're just saying that since you are scared about losing the friendship, then go for it. At this point the friendship is already going to be awkward - you either see if there is relationship potential or you stop hanging out with her for a while until you find someone else.

    Dating in a social circle can definitely get very messy (especially if it goes bad), but it's unavoidable in many ways (and can go great if it works out). Just don't make a habit of it - going with one girl in the group is one thing, trying to go through all the girls is another.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    If you can't be honest about about your feelings she's not your best friend. Your side of the friendship is effectvely a big lie if you secretly like her.


  • Options
    #8
    Jebus.H.Christ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭Jebus.H.Christ


    Feck it. Tell her, life is too short.


  • Options
    #9
    Recon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,204 ✭✭✭Recon


    Jebus.H.Christ wrote: »
    Feck it. Tell her, life is too short.

    I'd agree. I recently was in a very similar situation, told her and now...everything's very cool :D


  • Options
    #10
    Sherifu
    Registered Users Posts: 17,727 ✭✭✭✭Sherifu


    Talk to her so you can move past it.


  • Options
    #11
    chuci
    Closed Accounts Posts: 938 ✭✭✭chuci


    tell her and see what happens.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,093 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I'm gonna go against the rest here and say...... Oh sorry, I'm not. Tell her. If it doesn't work out then deal with that then. Regret is one of the worst things to deal with down the line.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Options
    #13
    razorblunt
    Registered Users Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    Tell her my good man, years from now you'll regret it big time and if she says you might look back and cringe but it would be a weight off your chest anyway.

    She's not going to hate you for telling her anyway!


Advertisement