not being part of your childs life

BUBBLE WRAP wrote: »

simpsons... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Marge_We_Trust

It was a Simpsons joke.

Okay. I'm not a fan of The Simpsons.

BUBBLE WRAP wrote: »

Great Scott! :eek:

I like it but not a fan, if ye get me. :-/

Melion wrote: »

We are going to court soon but i wont be getting a solicitor basically because i cant afford one.

Have you tried applying for legal aid?

Cavehill Red wrote: »

Ah, another glass of single mother's favourite w(h)ine.
Delicious!

As a single father, let me ask you this, OP: do you really believe anyone 'walks away' from their children, or are they more likely in fact to be discouraged by the requirement to engage in an expensive, adversarial court process in order to obtain even a provisional involvement in their children's lives following a relationship break up?
Also, do you think anyone would 'walk away' from their children if we had parental equality enshrined in law from birth, as is the case in Scandinavia?

My Dad happily walked away from two children by two different women, first me, the child he had with his wife and then my half sister, who he had with the woman he cheated with. Neither mother was taking him to court, they were both civilised grown ups about the whole thing, but mainly because they knew he had no interest in seeing us never mind access or custody! Except for our mothers asking him to call us, call over to see us etc he would've happily never seen us again, no interest, he can only hang out with you if you're willing to join him in drinking binges in the pub of his choice, so kids weren't any good to him. He happily bought my sister alcoholic drinks from 13 on, he didn't buy me one until my 18th birthday (because my mother would kill him) at which point he took me drinking the night I turned 18 and so followed one of the worst, most regrettable nights of my life.

A friend of mine's dad is friends with my Dad, and they are cut from the same cloth. He left the family years ago, just walked away, he did however show up to cry and howl at her brother's funeral, even though he hadn't met up with him at any of the given opportunities in the previous years. The last time I saw him he told me his daughter/my friend is a "c*nt and a b!tch", charming.

So yes, some people do just walk away, and others possibly should just f*ck off forever, for everyone's benefit. I have gained nothing from having my father in my life other than some vicious hangovers and awful drunken injuries when I was young and stupid enough to think my Dad would look out for me.

Cavehill Red wrote: »

I did acknowledge it ran the risk of someone like you engaging in exactly this form of mcguffin debate. I have already explained I did it for the purpose of clarity. I've now amended it to present the exact same argument in a generic form. I look forward to you engaging with that.?

Someone like me? Can you explain that please? Genuinely would like to hear what you mean by that.


Like how you only referred to my posts when many other disagreed with you. Selective listening suits your agenda, obviously.


You fixed your posts but it doesn't undo your hypocrisy. Sorry pal!

ahnowbrowncow wrote: »

Did Eve_Dublin close her account because of this thread?

I wouldn't blame her. She took a fair bit of character assassination.

Probably the straw the broke the camel's back.

Electric Sheep wrote: »

It happens if you don't make an effort to remain in your childrens' lives. I know many remarried men who continue to parent the children of their previous relationship because it is important to them to overcome those sort of impediments.

The "reasons" you gave are just excuses for laziness.

Yes I do too. But I also know kids [now adults] who grew up with the other circumstances. People get overcommitted. They have a new family and they dont want to risk failing that one for the sake of the one that already failed. So something has to give.

People do what they want, everything else is rationalisations in the end.

I know there are reason for it all. But I personally could not walk away from my kids. I have two, one is particularly like me. The poor barsteward. The other is the light of my life.

I cannot imagine being separated from them. I wouldn't even give a sperm donation. It would drive me crazy thinking there's a son or daughter of mine out there that I didn't know.

I don't know how some parents can leave their kids behind unless they had no choice.

But that's just me.

As for the grammar nazis, mods can be ban them? Yeah sure I hate mispellings and the rest. But really it's just BS.

K-9 wrote: »

I had access denied a few times, went through all the emotions from depression to anger, it's an amazing thing when you get to see them again. I couldn't just leave a child like that but as you say, that's me too. A couple of times I came close to imagining how somebody could just walk away and say "this isn't worth it for everybody".



Just as an aside, I think it was acted on, maybe not bans but action was taken. Got a bit silly, but as I'd posted and taken an interest in the thread, preferred to leave it my betters! Report any posts you think weren't actioned or pm the mods with questions.

When people do it, I don't know how much they fully understand the consequences of their actions up the road. There's also depression and other mental illnesses to consider, maybe addiction too.

As to your second point, I don't think it was the grammar corrections that were nasty, there were some very snide personalised comments made that were pretty nasty. I guess the mods don't read everything? I jsut kind of assume they do and if they don't take any action it means they endorse it and that its ok, which would lead one not to report further offenses.

K-9 wrote: »

I had access denied a few times, went through all the emotions from depression to anger, it's an amazing thing when you get to see them again. I couldn't just leave a child like that but as you say, that's me too. A couple of times I came close to imagining how somebody could just walk away and say "this isn't worth it for everybody".



Just as an aside, I think it was acted on, maybe not bans but action was taken. Got a bit silly, but as I'd posted and taken an interest in the thread, preferred to leave it my betters! Report any posts you think weren't actioned or pm the mods with questions.

I can't believe you were denied access, unless you've got serious criminal convictions it's nothing but a disgusting shame that this goes on in Ireland today.

Our leader apologised today over the way the state treated women so unfairly. Maybe in 20 or 60 years time the then leader will have to apologise over how unfairly the state has treated men.

K-9 wrote: »

The whole thing needs root and branch reform, from a mother who can just deny access at a whim or because of a row, and the courts will only give her a slap on the wrist, to men who never see the child and how can you force a dad who doesn't give a bollicks about himself, to see and care for a child? to a divorce bill that was conservative nearly 20 years ago when it was first introduced, and now is starting to look archaic.

Meanwhile they introduce co-habitation and same sex rights, and that's fantastic, maybe they'd put a little bit of attention on the f*cking current f*ck up of a family system, before potentially adding hundreds or thousands more to the system down the line.

I haven't even covered half the stupidities of the current system in that rant. But anybody who looks at it from a "my sex is worse of than yours" angle, isn't the person to be looking to for answers.

It must be the most alienating feeling to know you have kid out there, this person who exists because of you, and never know them, even what they look like. I don't know how some turn their feelings off to this, or to the kids who also live wondering what their parent or parents even look like. It's so hard to even begin to imagine. ANd to live and then die, never knowing.

I know someone who was denied access by a grandparent, actually two dads were, one by a maternal grandfather who had a lot of money and clout and dominated his daughter, neither the daughter or the child were allowed to see him again. He ended up not knowing where they were, time moves forward and it becomes harder and harder to intercept a life, not knowing what they are being told, are they being raised by someone else and she thinks hes her father, etc...

The OP posted a threadbare comment about how they can't understand someone choosing not to be part of their child's life... no mention of whether done by a father or mother, no mention by the OP whether they're a single mother or even a woman... and in response, a TIRADE re single mothers being bitter. And even some "genius" saying to Hairyprincess:

joe stodge wrote: »

Just come out and say it we're all bastarðs.

... when all she did was say that actually, in her experience, her child's father (one man, she said nothing about all men) did walk away and then she defended herself from a vitriolic ad hominem (simply because her story was inconvenient).

There are indeed two sides to every story, and what appears to be a case of walking away is not always so clear-cut - I still wouldn't discount the possibility however that there are some parents (male and female) who just don't want to be involved in their child's life, because they're simply not into parenting. I have spoken to a man who said this is the very thing that applied to his situation. I know that's an anecdote but so what? It's from the horse's mouth; it can happen. A more high-profile example is Julie Burchill. Just not into being a mother. No mention of PND or any other issues.

I can understand separated fathers feeling defensive (when there are automatically more rights afforded to the mother, and it is grossly unfair; and when many of them get unfairly tarred with the "deadbeat dad" brush when it often does not apply) but there's no need to take this topic so personally to the point of aggression and downright haranguing. It's not directed at those separated fathers who want/have a role in their child(ren)'s life but face a lot of obstacles, the challenging of which, isn't always feasible.

cena wrote: »

It can either man or women. I'M A GUY and both parents where part of my life

That's my point. It was just assumed you were a single mother out to have a go at all estranged dads.