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Bloody bored of dating

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    #32
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭mud


    At least you can say hand on heart that you've made the effort :)

    I'm in my mid 30s and find it hard to meet suitable people to date. I have been in relationships before but it is rare that I meet someone that I want to see in a special way. It's always been like that.

    I'd say definitely spend more time going out with friends. Organise weekends away in nice places where you can meet some of the locals and you'd never know who you might run in to.

    I feel like I need to be way more proactive when it comes to dating but I tried Tinder for 20 mins or so and just ended up feeling sad and deleting the app again. I just felt it was so superficial but maybe I just didn't give it a chance.

    Hope you find someone nice but in the meantime do nice things for yourself. When you're happy and content it shines out of you and makes you even more attractive!


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    #33
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    getmeoffthisride wrote: »
    It tends to be very hook-uppy with guys I’m dating really quickly, and really once that happens it can leave you thinking, well we’ve done the sex part, where do we go from here? It kills the mystery and maybe the excitement of getting to know someone when that happens early on before you have any real emotional connection with someone. It’s sort of like a college / early-mid 20s habit I’ve maybe fallen into and it’s never really changed as I've gotten older. To be honest, booze is very often involved too and with that, all element of impulse control out the window.

    You could be hitting the nail bang on the head here.

    How about kicking the intimacy can further down the road, and have several meet ups etc first? In fact you could go a step further and exchange lots of written communications first together, before even meeting up that often. And I mean actually writing real emails etc rather than the modern day IM handful of characters with a ton of smileys.


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    #34
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    CDXNAHYS24V2 wrote: »
    How is having sex at a later date going to make any difference?

    The OP herself wrote:

    It kills the mystery and maybe the excitement of getting to know someone when that happens early on before you have any real emotional connection with someone.


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    #35
    Wompa1
    Registered Users Posts: 8,168 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    I'm a guy and I stopped having s3x early in relationships too. I think building up to it make it more special. Also when it's out of the picture you're just focused on getting to know one another first.


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    #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was in a very similar situation to you - finding it very frustrating - very busy job, active social life, but not meeting anyone, the internet dating scene annoyed me.
    A friend bought me "get the guy" a book by Matthew Hussey - I normally don't like self help type books, and was a bit insulted, but she thought he was really sensible.
    He has lots of youtube videos - cheeky chappy type, but again full of sense.

    The key thing I changed after reading it was my body language / flirting style - previously I had to "be in the mood to flirt", but I realised that I needed to be friendlier to everyone around me, and aim for playful when flirting, rather than what I thought was sophisicated (which I now think was just awkward!)

    I'm a serious person, with a serious job, and took that serious attitude to dating/social life, which isn't where it belonged.

    Within a few months of changing my outlook, I went on dates with some really nice guys, and am now nearly a year into a great relationship.


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