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Unsure if she feels the same way

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  • 21-10-2014 12:23am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys,

    Just posting this to get it off my chest mostly but would love to hear some opinions.

    The thread title might suggest I'm a teenager wondering about his first crush but i'm 28 and I have had plenty of experience with relationships in the past.

    A bit about me: as I said I'm 28, male and I have a 3 year old daughter. Me and my ex split around 2 1/2 years ago and we get on fine so that is kind of irrelevent to this issue!

    Basically I really fancy this girl that I worked with up until recently. I got a new job just a few doors down though so still close to old job. This sounds mad but I remember when she started in the job. She was working upstairs and I hadn't even seen or met her at this stage. Anyway, she rang my extension to transfer a caller and I knew I fancied her just by listening to her voice for about 20 seconds. As soon as I got off the phone I wad asking "Who's this new girl?!" She sounded so confident and attractive. Might sound weird but that's how I felt!

    I then actually met her and she also happened to be really cute in person too!!

    My friends would describe me as a good looking and confident guy with no problem talking to women etc. I knew i fancied her also because I would feel myself getting nervous when she was around (sometimes) which I wouldn't usually be like for the mosy part.

    Fast forward 2 years later (now). To be honest, Since we worked different shifts/departments we didn't talk a whole lot but I loved seeing her around the office. So it was just the last few months that I emailed her and chat to her a bit more which made me fancy her even more.

    You're probably thinking "What's the fecking problem then? Ask her out damn it!!" You might be right however there are 2 things that I perceive as problems.

    1. I'm 28 and have a 3 year old daughter and she is 22 and just out of college really. It makes me doubt that someone that young would be into someone in my situation. I could easily understand that she wouldn't want to get involved with the responsibilites that i have and wouldn't hold it against anyone.

    2. Quite simply, I'm really unsure if she actually does fancy me. I can usually tell quite quick if a girl is in to me but with this girl I'm like a yoyo thinking "yes she does", "nah she doesn't".

    Some examples:

    Firstly I sometimes got the vibe that she was a little bit nervous around me too although this could be in my head!

    Secondly, we went out for a staff night just a couple of weeks ago. It was the first time we got to go out, have a few drinks and chat etc. Towards the end of the night both of us were sitting beside eachother chatting, taking a few snaps of us together and we just got on really easily. Then the group left and got taxis home including her. Them not knowing that i was still in the place sipping on a drink ha! Anyway, I didn't give her my number but she must have got it from one of my collegues on the taxi home because she text me when she got home saying
    "Hey it's X, did you make it home safe?" So we text back and forth for around 45 mins mostly just telling her that I was still there and i had a great time etc. Then I said I hope we catch up and again and she said yeah we should make it a monthly thing. However I'm pretty sure she was referring to work nights out and not men and her haha.

    So, since then I have been texting her on whatsapp and texts go back and forth for hours but that could happen with friends too! I have tried to drop little compliments like I thought she was "one of the better workers and better looking ones in the office" etc. All playful chat.

    Also, we have the craic sending snapchats back and forth. Last saturday I decided to take a risk to try get a reaction so i sent a text back within snap chat saying "I have to say you are looimg really cute" but this got no reply that night. The next morning though she was back snapchatting so just confusing me again.

    I'm just finding it hard to actually figure out if she fancies me as she hasn't really gave little hints like I have.

    She did however text me at this morning to wish me the good luck in the new job which I started today. That made me think "well she is obviously thinking about me?" Then i think that a mate would send that text too!

    Yeah, so basically my gut tells me that we are just mates but then Inhave thoughts, "What if?".

    I don't want to make her awkward if she says no either.

    Well that's basically it.

    I should also say that she is the most attractive woman that Inhave ever come across (In my eyes anyway).

    Sorry for typos, I'm on the mobile and I'm tired :)

    Cheers
    Tagged:


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    #2
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    I can't tell you for definite that she is interested in you as more than friends (nobody here can), however I can tell you that I see nothing in what you've said that rules it out either. Indeed it seems like she's made some effort at least to keep in touch with you. Either way, your only real option here is to ask her out and see what her response is.

    You don't have to go all out first time and ask her on a 'date' date, but seeing as you are both keeping in touch via whatsapp or whatever on a regular basis, why not just ask her if she wants to grab a coffee or a drink sometime, and see how she responds. That kind of approach doesn't paint her into a corner in terms of committing to something serious straight off, and you should be able to judge by her response pretty quickly if she's happy to go for a drink and see what happens, or whether she tries to sidestep the invitation somehow. And either way, you'll have your answer.


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    #3
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    Overall mate as the previous poster said she is showing lots of signs that she at least likes you as a person and there's no evidence she doesn't want this to go towards a relationship. So what's the problem? eh you!

    You are waiting for signs and even when they happen you sit there and naval gaze. You'd swear you were the 22yr old girl!

    She took the trouble to get your number and text you!!! Cue you saying thanks for a great evening love to do it again - are you free next Saturday ?? there's a new Italian etc NOT text back and forward for 45 minutes.

    You've made excuses for ages and it has to stop. Ask her out today!

    EDIT - just read the bit about her wishing you well in the job etc. She sounds very caring and a overall lovely girl. ACT!


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    #4
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    This type of thread has been posted in here so many times. Guy meets girl/girl meets guy .............. become friends ............. one of them wants something more but is unsure how to proceed.

    I'm not belittling you by the way - just saying you'd be amazed how many people find themselves in the same situation!

    The answer is almost always the same though: Ask. Her. Out. That's the one and only way you're going to be sure. You can do pros and cons in your head all day long but you'll never really know until you actually ask.

    I would advise however that you try not to get too worked up or invested in the whole thing. She sounds like a very nice and caring girl, and if she says 'no' to going out she could still be a very valuable friend, but how you behave after she answers will dictate if that happens or not. If she say yes, brilliant ...... if she says no, you gotta take it on the chin, brush it off and get on with things. Don't be that guy who gets hung up on it.

    Good luck


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies, they were pretty much what I expected but it's good to here some opinions.

    I've decided to just play it cool and ask her to marry me.

    Haha, just kiddin'.

    I'm gonna ask her out, I've nothing to lose and I can handle a "no" response :)


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    #6
    Lovely Bloke
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,748 ✭✭✭✭Lovely Bloke


    you don't even work with her any more, so there won't be any awkwardness in the office should she say no.

    Look, if you aren't in you can't win, you've got literally nothing to lose by asking her out, and if you don't ask her out, then you'll regret it.

    She went to the trouble of getting your number after a night out, so to me that's a pretty strong sign that she's at least interested in something with you.

    Just feckin' ask her though, otherwise someone else will.


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    #7
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    Unsure Man wrote: »
    Thanks for the replies, they were pretty much what I expected but it's good to here some opinions.

    I've decided to just play it cool and ask her to marry me.

    Haha, just kiddin'.

    I'm gonna ask her out, I've nothing to lose and I can handle a "no" response :)

    Good on ye man, best of luck.

    It's against the charter to ask people to come back with an update... so I'm not going to do that.

    <<
    >>
    <<


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    #8
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    Unsure Man wrote: »
    Thanks for the replies, they were pretty much what I expected but it's good to here some opinions.

    I've decided to just play it cool and ask her to marry me.

    Haha, just kiddin'.

    I'm gonna ask her out, I've nothing to lose and I can handle a "no" response :)

    Good for you!


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