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Made a huge mistake

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  • 18-10-2014 1:02pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So the other night I went out drinking with my friends who I hadn't seen in ages.

    My girlfriend of 9 months didn't come out, apparently I kissed a friend of mine (a guy), he's gay and I'm not bisexual so I have no idea why I did that, absolutely none.
    Apparently I was being affectionate to everyone telling everyone I loved them. Apparently my friend and I kissed for like a second, before my friends stopped us. I was absolutely hammered and had no idea what I was doing and I've been told I went to sleep after that.

    I had no idea I did that until one of my friends told me the day after. I feel distraught and I love my girlfriend with all my heart. I think I am going to tell her because she deserves so much better. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm terrified I've ruined everything and that I might lose her now.

    Please don't judge me too harshly I know it was such an asshole thing to do, but I could use some opinions


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    #2
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    Do you remember kissing him now? Is there a possibility your friends are playing some kind of weird joke on you?


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    bee06 wrote: »
    Do you remember kissing him now? Is there a possibility your friends are playing some kind of weird joke on you?

    I don't remember, no. Not one bit.

    I doubt they would play this kind of joke on me, I've asked other people present and they told me the same thing. 2 of my friends didn't want to tell me.


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    #4
    ukoda
    Registered Users Posts: 2,084 ✭✭✭ukoda


    Well given that you are not gay or bisexual then there obviously wasnt any attraction there and it was just a silly drunk thing to do

    I'd say tell her


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    #5
    ziedth
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 9,081 Mod ✭✭✭✭ziedth


    Your going to get a few posts telling you to say nothing or admit everything. Personally I'd write it off as taking the "I Love you man" time of the night too far, say nothing and never drink to that level of drunkenness again.

    I really do admire you for wanting to come clean and do right by your GF, IMO it will probably go one of two ways. She could laugh it off as you being a mess and being over affectionate with your mates or the fact it was a guy could hurt/confuse her more and you'll be really facing an uphill battle to salvage the relationship.

    Try not to be to hard on yourself, mistakes can and do happen the fact that you feel bad and don't want it to happen again means your not a complete "asshole"

    Best of luck.

    Edit: I would consider like was mentioned above that it could be your mates winding you up.


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    #6
    Soft Falling Rain
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,315 ✭✭✭Soft Falling Rain


    It happened briefly and you say there's no attraction, so tbh I don't think it's worth mentioning. Don't make it a bigger thing than it is for both your own sake and your girlfriend's.


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    #7
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    Soft Falling Rain wrote: »
    It happened briefly and you say there's no attraction, so tbh I don't think it's worth mentioning. Don't make it a bigger thing than it is for both your own sake and your girlfriend's.

    I agree, it sounds like it was a stupid random drunken mistake that means nothing. But telling your girlfriend could confuse her into thinking it's something else. Maybe ease up on the drink though.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies guys.

    I agree that I have a problem with alcohol and I'm going to face up to it.However, no matter how drunk I was it is not okay to do this sort of thing when you are with someone.

    I've decided I'm going to tell her tonight because the truth will always come out somehow. I think it would hurt more if she found out from someone else.

    maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, but I would hate it if the roles were reversed and this was hidden from me. I love her so I hope she can forgive me.


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    #9
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    What kind of kiss are we talking about here?


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    #10
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    For God's sake stop hyperventilating. You kissed a man because you were drunk, you don't even remember and now you are going to make a big thing out of it by "confessing" to your g/f. I would absolutely say nothing and if she finds out you just say you didn't mention it because it was not worth mentioning, you are not gay so no harm done. Get a grip !!!!


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    #11
    Buona Fortuna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    idiot101 wrote: »
    maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, but I would hate it if the roles were reversed and this was hidden from me. I love her so I hope she can forgive me.

    You are. People do stupid things when drunk. I know I have.

    Put it behind you and think about how much you drink.

    All the best OP. Give yourself a pass ;)


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    #12
    Raminahobbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,983 ✭✭✭Raminahobbin


    I think you're dead right to tell your girlfriend, OP. If my partner came to me and said he'd done the same thing, I wouldn't even think twice about letting him off the hook and putting it behind us, because I'd appreciate the honesty so much and I'd appreciate that something so small made him feel so bad. I would trust him TONNES more for telling me something like this; an act that obviously meant nothing.

    I think if he didn't tell me, and I found out a month or so down the line, the secrecy would hurt me far more than the act, and I'd be seriously considering ending it.

    Hopefully she'll realise she's lucky to have someone so committed to her that such a small indiscretion in the grand scheme of things has plagued his conscience so much!


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    #13
    padma
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,874 ✭✭✭padma


    You could tell your girlfriend what happened and you cant remember if it did happen and it could be the lads taking the piss out of you.

    Then go speak to the gay friend and ask him did it happen and if it did why did he kiss you back and does he like you.

    Then make a decision about what way you want to go for the future


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    #14
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    You need to tell her OP, simply because it seems you're in the same circle of friends so it's not a case of if she finds out, but when.

    To be honest the fact that you kissed a man will mean she probably won't have any major issue with it. But you seem to be making more of it than it is, I think you would have been better off being upfront straight away in a sort of "You'll never guess what happened last night" sort of way.

    In saying that, no amount of drink would compel me to kiss a man. And they say we are our true selves when drunk....


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    #15
    Raminahobbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,983 ✭✭✭Raminahobbin


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    In saying that, no amount of drink would compel me to kiss a man. And they say we are our true selves when drunk....

    There are different shades and degrees of sexuality. It's not always black and white for people, and I don't agree with what you're inferring here- I have had two partners in the past who have kissed guys on nights out before they met me; one because he likes to try everything at least once, and the other just because he was really, really drunk.

    Neither guys were gay, they just don't have as iron clad boundaries as some people.

    I've kissed girls when drunk too, and I'd do it again, but I'm definitely not gay.


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    #16
    dellas1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    I think its more concerning and alarming that you drink until you cant remember/blackout.

    You can "confess" all you want (and yes I do think its a good thing to do, trust-wise), but this isnt going to fix anything.

    Maybe this is your wake up call to control your drinking/when you drink.

    My friends, when I was in my late teens, once told me (after a night of drinking) that I'd called a guy I fancied a "fanny head" and that he wasnt impressed. Turned out, it was a joke. But the fact I could neither confirm nor deny, it bothered me. So, I got to know my limit.


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    #17
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,718 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    Confessing will make you feel better.

    will it make your GF feel better? ... i couldnt say because i dont know her.

    Confessing can be selfish. Make sure your not doing it for you.


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    #18
    iusedtoknow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭iusedtoknow


    This is a tough one

    If he had gone and kissed a female friend, would the reactions be the same?

    Personally, the best thing you could do is first talk to your friend that you supposedly kissed. Be up front with them, ask him did it happen, what happened. After that...you're going to have to make a judgement call on what will happen if you do tell your GF and what good it will do you or her. You may be able to pass it off as a "i love you man" occurrence, but you will also need to tread very carefully on this.

    The other thing you need to deal with is the alcohol. I don't think it's true that you are your true self when you are drunk, you are a caricature of what you think you should be like. I hated myself when I had drink in me, so I stopped and I've had the happiest 4 years of my life.


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