Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all! We have been experiencing an issue on site where threads have been missing the latest postings. The platform host Vanilla are working on this issue. A workaround that has been used by some is to navigate back from 1 to 10+ pages to re-sync the thread and this will then show the latest posts. Thanks, Mike.
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Looking like lower than normal wedding attendance

2»

Comments

  • #52
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,927 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Dovies wrote: »
    Have to agree with the above - if they haven't replied yet they need to be chased up. People will just assume that you know they will be going!

    + 1 million to this!! When I was planning my wedding everyone on my side had RSVP'd within a fortnight of receiving the invitations. On the other hand, we'd heard pretty much nothing from my husband's side (aside from the immediate family and one or two older relatives who sent formal RSVP cards) and when it got to the 'reply by' date we still had to hear from about a third of our guests. I was getting anxious and when my MIL found out she was horrified (her exact words were "I don't believe it! The feckers! I'll kill them!") and she went into the sitting room with the phone. Within the hour we had the exact numbers! :D It was exactly the case that they all just assumed we knew they'd be going and never bothered to make sure!
    The woman that did my sisters invites said that she had quite a few who didn't rsvp so she sent them a text to say sorry they couldnt make the day but looked forward to seeing them at another family function - she soon got replies!!

    When ye're chasing these people up, ring them. Don't text or whatever, because if they haven't bothered replying to the invite they may not reply to the text (or you could be waiting ages for a reply). And if you can't get in touch with them, then something like the above might be a good idea. Some people need a bit of a boot in the arse with these things.

    Incidentally, what date did she put for the RSVP deadline?


  • #53
    cookiecakes
    Registered Users Posts: 331 ✭✭cookiecakes


    As everyone has said, people can be really flipping lazy when it comes to rsvps. We included rsvp cards which had the address printed on them and were already stamped and we still had to chase up people for them! Best get to ringing asap!


  • #54
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    Toots wrote: »
    + 1 million to this!! When I was planning my wedding everyone on my side had RSVP'd within a fortnight of receiving the invitations. On the other hand, we'd heard pretty much nothing from my husband's side (aside from the immediate family and one or two older relatives who sent formal RSVP cards) and when it got to the 'reply by' date we still had to hear from about a third of our guests. I was getting anxious and when my MIL found out she was horrified (her exact words were "I don't believe it! The feckers! I'll kill them!")

    Whatever about not receiving RSVPs by the date, traditionally you had one month to reply once you received the invitation, so some people are probably still in that mindset.

    My sister actually had the RSVP date as one week after the day we posted them. Way too soon, esp considering the short notice!


  • #55
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    December2012 wrote: »
    I didn't claim you did. But lots of times some people feel that a friend or relative should attend their version of an event. Your sister may feel this way.

    Well, I don't think it's tit-for-tat but I think it's only human to feel a bit disappointed at people not being able to go, even if they have good reasons.


  • #56
    kkcatlou
    Registered Users Posts: 332 ✭✭kkcatlou


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    It's a buffet style meal so no seating plan. Thank fook! Hate those.

    Just wondering - is it more of a party style event than a formal wedding? For that reason, people may think it's not a big deal and a) they don't have to go, b) may not want to go to something informal or c) don't think RSVPing is a big deal?

    It's just a theory.

    What were her invites like? If they looked really cheap or informal, again it may set the scene for an event people are not really excited about! I know when I get an invite, the minute I look at it I either go yayyyy, can't wait or 'meh, another humdrum event'. She may have unwittingly set the scene for an event people are not getting excited about... On top of the late notice and Friday in November thing, she could have put people off.

    Obviously, don't say any of this to her and she is clearly quite stressed and saying you should have done this or that isn't going to cheer her up now that it's too late.

    All you can do is reassure her that the people who really care about her are coming and make your damndest on the day to make sure she doesn't notice the lack of people by dancing all night and making as big a fuss of her and her husband as you can!


  • #57
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    I agree, I never really wanted a big wedding myself, and now after seeing how much goes into it and how much is riding on it, I *definitely* don't want one.



    It's on a Friday. Only thing is, they left it quite late sending out invitations. I was surprised at how disorganised they were. They posted them only six weeks TO THE DAY before, meaning that people got them with less than six weeks to go. The includes the US and UK invites!

    I think with weddings later in the year, it's tricky because by then many people have most of their AL used up and might need the rest for Christmas. Even my BF had to borrow a day from next year's AL to attend!

    A definite no-no bringing up her lack of organisation and planning with her. She's been the drum of ME being disorganised for years, now's not the best time to point out the irony! :pac:


    To be honest I think you have your reason here.

    It's a big ask to send invites to people abroad six weeks before a wedding and expect them to pay out for flights, hotels, gift etc just before christmas. Given that it's a Friday, also needing time off, possibly the Thursday as well depending on flights. My cousin in the UK got married a few years ago in July and I got my invite in January so I could book cheap flights, save money for it, book holidays etc.

    On the other hand, guests won't know how many people have been invited so while the decline rate looks like a disaster to your sister at the moment, guests aren't going to know if 5 or 50 people declined.

    You are right about annual leave though, a lot would prefer to keep their days for Christmas or have used them up already.

    It is a big expense landing an invite 6 weeks before a wedding in December.


  • #58
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    It's a real minefield isn't it? I married here, so lots of my guests were coming from 'abroad' - London, US, Kingston, Bridgetown. What I did was to put together a little factsheet giving B & B's, location of the church, flight details and how to get to Cork from the airport. That gave people time to book flights, accomodation, leave. I also had to arrange for a visa for one of my guests so had to get the invitations done early. So one was sent early together with a letter from the venue confirming my guest was staying there.

    The remainder were sent two months in advance.


  • #59
    JayRoc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,621 ✭✭✭JayRoc


    mirrorwall14 wrote: »
    Weddings on workdays are just really awkward.

    Agreed. But the HSE, being civil servants, only work Monday to Friday.
    And apparently they're the ones who marry people.


    Apart from the lunatics in black of course


  • #60
    Senna
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,800 ✭✭✭Senna


    Midweek weddings were a lot more common in years gone by, in some areas the couple would go to the priest or hotel and be told the date they can get married, my parents wedding was on a Tuesday in October.

    Your sisters refusal rate isn't out of the norm. Wedding I worked at today invited 350 guests and had 190 to the meal. Rural area so 350 invited isn't unusual. I'd say refusal rates are around 30%+ in Donegal.


  • Advertisement
  • #61
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,927 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    Whatever about not receiving RSVPs by the date, traditionally you had one month to reply once you received the invitation, so some people are probably still in that mindset.

    My sister actually had the RSVP date as one week after the day we posted them. Way too soon, esp considering the short notice!

    Ok that's pretty mental! ;) Had she got the invitations done up and just waited until the last minute to send them?

    I know a lot of people think 'save the date' things are pointless, but I think they're a good idea. You don't have to fork out for fancy cards - even a phone call or a text would do, just so people know well in advance and have plenty of time to plan.


  • #62
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    An update: I was speaking her last night on the phone and she has cheered up greatly.

    They are looking at 80 people for the wedding, which I think is a lovely amount. I said to her that her day will probably be more relaxing and intimate because of the smaller numbers.

    I've been to weddings with 200+ people and ones with under 100 and I've come to realise that no matter the numbers, it's the people there that make the day. Certainly, a small wedding can sometimes have a fuller dancefloor than a big one! :)


  • #63
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    She'll have a lovely day whether 8 or 80 people come. They're the ones who count!

    But I'd still get her to chase up the stragglers. The venue/caterers will need the numbers soon.


  • #64
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    ABajaninCork wrote: »

    But I'd still get her to chase up the stragglers. The venue/caterers will need the numbers soon.

    Oh yeah, she is! They need to know by the end of the week, and she started chasing people up on Friday. She'll be ringing people if she doesn't hear back from them. Be grand! :)


  • #65
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    Oh yeah, she is! They need to know by the end of the week, and she started chasing people up on Friday. She'll be ringing people if she doesn't hear back from them. Be grand! :)
    Is she not just ringing them initially to chase them up? Or did she do it by text or email?


  • #66
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    Flippyfloppy wrote: »
    Is she not just ringing them initially to chase them up? Or did she do it by text or email?

    Text at first. Ringing will be last ditch, I guess, but some have already replied by text. It won't be last minute when she rings. She just figured texting first would be fine.


  • Advertisement
  • #67
    December2012
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    I'm glad she feels better about it.

    Had 80 at ours - it was lovely because we got to speak with everybody there and still be with each other - it's intimate and lovely.

    And remember this when it comes to complaining or querying / nosy wedding invitees "the people that matter don't mind, and the people that mind don't matter"


  • #68
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,108 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    So, did the follow up calls help to resolve the situation OP?


  • #69
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    The final number was 70 and it was fantastic! I don't even know where they would have put 30-40 extra people if the attendance was higher! :) The venue was the perfect size for the crowd and they got to chat to everyone who came. Great day. :)


  • #70
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,108 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    The final number was 70 and it was fantastic! I don't even know where they would have put 30-40 extra people if the attendance was higher! :) The venue was the perfect size for the crowd and they got to chat to everyone who came. Great day. :)
    t

    So glad to hear! It is not the quantity, it is the quality!


  • #71
    Tarzana2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    I think that planning a wedding can be a tad overwhelming so that brides get stressed about everything, even stuff you know won't matter on the day. I knew she'd be grand but it was difficult to allay her fears at the time! :)


  • Advertisement
Advertisement