30, Female, Single......

Dilema · 25-08-2014 11:19pm #1

Hi Guys,

Just looking to share and get some honest/decent feedback. So as the title states I'm 30, female and single. I've always been single and really enjoyed being independent in my 20s, I have a huge, wide, varied circle of friends and never stressed that things wouldn't fall into place in their own time. At 25 I started to give dating a go but for lack of interest on mine or their part things never got off the ground. Now at 30 I'm realising that I've never been in love and starting to feel like its passed me by. I've attended more weddings than I can count and dob't actually know a single free man who is up for dating. I'm in no way depressed by my single status, love life and my career but more curious as to whether women at 30 are a lost cause or what I could maybe do differenty. Also the whole online thing has been tried for 2yrs with no luck so not keen on that route! I'm way too middle of the roas to stand out in the crowd. Its not to say I'm inattractive just don't pack a punch!

The Domonator · 25-08-2014 11:21pm

Have you tried any dating sites? Beware though, there are quite a few weirdos on them.

audi12 · 25-08-2014 11:26pm

She said she has tried dating sites .. You dont seem bothered about meeting someone but I am free and single so there is at least one guy out there

Dilema · 25-08-2014 11:32pm

I am bothered about meeting someone, not just anyone but someone. The online scene I found to be very forced and superficial. Its an intense first date with alot of pressure which Ive found not to work well, also the whole getting to the end of the night and the other person expecting a one night stand....very boring...its weird and shady at times and while I have friends who have had great luck and potentially one marriage I'm not going to stand out in a crowd so I need someonecto get to know me!

audi12 · 25-08-2014 11:38pm

Sorry I got the impression you were not overly concerned about meeting someone .. I share the sentiment about online dating I heard great things about it but the reality was not as impressive .. The question you are asking is it possible to meet someone you seem very intelligent meeting someone suitable should be no issue for you whatsoever I would not stress this is coming from someone in a similar situation to you.

Dilema · 25-08-2014 11:39pm

I am bothered about meeting someone, not just anyone but someone. The online scene I found to be very forced and superficial. Its an intense first date with alot of pressure which Ive found not to work well, also the whole getting to the end of the night and the other person expecting a one night stand....very boring...its weird and shady at times and while I have friends who have had great luck and potentially one marriage I'm not going to stand out in a crowd so I need someonecto get to know me!

audi12 · 25-08-2014 11:41pm

Also you may not think you are anything special but the fact that you are well grounded and intelligent counts for a lot

Frosty McSnowballs · 25-08-2014 11:50pm

I don't think you would be a lost cause just because of your age. The last thing anyone wants is to just find someone "that will do" and settle. Hang in there OP, you just never know who will come along that you will click with. Best of luck.

Sauve · 26-08-2014 12:23am

Mod

Hi OP,
I'm going to move this thread over to Relationship Issues. I think you'll get good advice over there

Sauve.

Ralphdejones · 26-08-2014 12:26am

Dilema wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Just looking to share and get some honest/decent feedback. So as the title states I'm 30, female and single. I've always been single and really enjoyed being independent in my 20s, I have a huge, wide, varied circle of friends and never stressed that things wouldn't fall into place in their own time. At 25 I started to give dating a go but for lack of interest on mine or their part things never got off the ground. Now at 30 I'm realising that I've never been in love and starting to feel like its passed me by. I've attended more weddings than I can count and dob't actually know a single free man who is up for dating. I'm in no way depressed by my single status, love life and my career but more curious as to whether women at 30 are a lost cause or what I could maybe do differenty. Also the whole online thing has been tried for 2yrs with no luck so not keen on that route! I'm way too middle of the roas to stand out in the crowd. Its not to say I'm inattractive just don't pack a punch!

Maybe join some groups, clubs or societies, that have like minded people in them, and take it from there.
Also don't have too many tick boxes. No one is going to tick most boxes if you have too many, never mind tick them all.

Sweet Rose · 26-08-2014 12:35am

I'm 28 and single and feel a bit like you. I really don't think Ireland is a great place to be dating in at the minute. The pool of nice, single guys is small from what I've experienced and heard from friends. I suppose a lot of guys have emigrated and what not. However, that's not to say you won't meet someone. I suppose you just have to get out and about as much as you can. Surround yourself with single girls and go on lots of fun nights out. Don't hunt in big packs, that always puts guys off.

Also, you saying you don't pack a punch, I'm sure you do. I go through stages of bursting with confidence and then I'll feel low. Do you ever go and get your make up and hair done? Buy a nice outfit, maybe get a stylist to help you. Just things that will make you feel nice and give you a boost. Make the most of yourself and your appearance. I'm not saying it's all about appearance but that's the first thing people will judge you on.

Also, if you don't like online dating, would you maybe think about joining a dating agency. A good friend of mine met her now husband this way and they are by far the happiest couple I know.

Good luck, I hope you find the right person for you. Love can find you at any age so don't give up hope

Donalh · 26-08-2014 1:04am

Seriously good move from the MOD by the way, I think the advice from the Gentlemens Club would do little help this girl lol!

Dilema, firstly, 30 is YOUNG! Secondly, dating in your thirties can be so much better than your twenties.. you are just getting to the good stuff now, trust me ;-) I'm a guy in my mid thirties and was on the dating scene for the last while. Meeting people in their thirties I was pleasantly surprised at how many of them just had a better idea of what they wanted, they were up front, no nonsense. Lastly, online dating is history... it had its time but now its all fake profiles and insincere people trying for quick hookup.

It sounds obvious but the best chance of meeting someone is through friends. If you arent meeting someone you like through your current circle of friends, my suggestion would be to go online but NOT to dating sites. Try sites such as meetup.com designed for meeting new friends via similar interests/hobbies... it really is such a great site and you never know where joining a group might lead. Also, im sure you pack more of a punch than you give yourself credit for. Just my 2 cents :-)

Trelstor · 26-08-2014 5:27pm

Sweet Rose wrote: »

I'm 28 and single and feel a bit like you. I really don't think Ireland is a great place to be dating in at the minute. The pool of nice, single guys is small from what I've experienced and heard from friends. I suppose a lot of guys have emigrated and what not. However, that's not to say you won't meet someone. I suppose you just have to get out and about as much as you can. Surround yourself with single girls and go on lots of fun nights out. Don't hunt in big packs, that always puts guys off.

Also, you saying you don't pack a punch, I'm sure you do. I go through stages of bursting with confidence and then I'll feel low. Do you ever go and get your make up and hair done? Buy a nice outfit, maybe get a stylist to help you. Just things that will make you feel nice and give you a boost. Make the most of yourself and your appearance. I'm not saying it's all about appearance but that's the first thing people will judge you on.

Also, if you don't like online dating, would you maybe think about joining a dating agency. A good friend of mine met her now husband this way and they are by far the happiest couple I know.

Good luck, I hope you find the right person for you. Love can find you at any age so don't give up hope

There's nice single guys everywhere, you have to open your eyes and be assertive.

Sweet Rose · 26-08-2014 5:43pm

Trelstor wrote: »

There's nice single guys everywhere, you have to open your eyes and be assertive.

I completely agree with you about there being lots of nice guys out there. I said that in my post but it's still disproportionate to the amount of single girls out there. That's going from my experience of going out where I'm from. All my single female friends are saying it too.

Can I ask you, what do you mean by assertive in dating terms?

Trelstor · 26-08-2014 6:03pm

Sweet Rose wrote: »

I completely agree with you about there being lots of nice guys out there. I said that in my post but it's still disproportionate to the amount of single girls out there. That's going from my experience of going out where I'm from. All my single female friends are saying it too.

Can I ask you, what do you mean by assertive in dating terms?

Approach men and ask them out if you like them.

Minimix · 26-08-2014 9:49pm

Dilema wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Just looking to share and get some honest/decent feedback. So as the title states I'm 30, female and single. I've always been single and really enjoyed being independent in my 20s, I have a huge, wide, varied circle of friends and never stressed that things wouldn't fall into place in their own time. At 25 I started to give dating a go but for lack of interest on mine or their part things never got off the ground. Now at 30 I'm realising that I've never been in love and starting to feel like its passed me by. I've attended more weddings than I can count and dob't actually know a single free man who is up for dating. I'm in no way depressed by my single status, love life and my career but more curious as to whether women at 30 are a lost cause or what I could maybe do differenty. Also the whole online thing has been tried for 2yrs with no luck so not keen on that route! I'm way too middle of the roas to stand out in the crowd. Its not to say I'm inattractive just don't pack a punch!

Hi! Could have written your post myself! Very similar situation to yours. At the moment it seems virtually impossible to meet anyone. It feels like there are no men, around my age who are single and interested in dating. Have to say I do feel like it's a lost cause and I'm at a loss as to what I can do to change things!

Sweet Rose · 27-08-2014 12:09am

Minimix wrote: »

Hi! Could have written your post myself! Very similar situation to yours. At the moment it seems virtually impossible to meet anyone. It feels like there are no men, around my age who are single and interested in dating. Have to say I do feel like it's a lost cause and I'm at a loss as to what I can do to change things!

I hate to sound cynical but we'll have to move abroad!! I have a date on Saturday but I have to drive for 2 hours to meet him. There's a man drought where I'm living

.
Also, I've started to look at guys older than me, like in their mid thirties. I wouldn't have done this before but I think it's a sign of me maturing too. I wouldn't rule out dating older guys, there are lots of lovely, single guys that age.

ahmdoda · 27-08-2014 1:22am

i think that someone will coming eventually my neighbors sister got married at 32 years old and another friend of mine who had two sister graduate together from Medicine at 27 just told me that both of them got married at the same time while they come from a Muslim culture where marriage is easier a man can walk into your life at any age just a while ago i was reading about a 91 year old women dating a 31 year old man its never to old!

strobe · 27-08-2014 8:29am

Sweet Rose wrote: »

I hate to sound cynical but we'll have to move abroad!!

That's a little drastic, and probably wouldn't help much tbh. I don't remember any period of time or any place in the world where single 30 something women (and men, in reverse, too for that matter) didn't lament that "all the guys around are taken or gay" or "there's just no good single men around" or something similar. According to the last census in Ireland there's a slight imbalance all right, with more males than females 25-35 due to emigration, but it's only a 2-3% one, 98~ men for every 100 women.

Addle · 27-08-2014 8:40am

Try meeting a guy when you're in your mid thirties and overweight!

If you really want to meet someone, you can't just wait for it to happen. You have to be proactive.

JeffKenna · 27-08-2014 10:21am

Hi OP,

To be honest I'd relax and enjoy your life for the time being. You're only 30, when you do eventually meet someone and perhaps marry them you will (hopefully) be with them for the rest of your life. May as well enjoy the next year or two because you'll have many many years of being tied down ahead of you!

The Friendly Newcomer · 27-08-2014 12:34pm

Dilema wrote: »

I am bothered about meeting someone, not just anyone but someone. The online scene I found to be very forced and superficial. Its an intense first date with alot of pressure which Ive found not to work well, also the whole getting to the end of the night and the other person expecting a one night stand....very boring...its weird and shady at times and while I have friends who have had great luck and potentially one marriage I'm not going to stand out in a crowd so I need someonecto get to know me!

I understand what the OP means when she says Online Dating is tough. I am male but I know a few girls that have tried online dating and it sounds horrible for a woman. I really feel that the women on those sites are so much more sincere and genuine than guys IF ya can get their attention

Lux23 · 27-08-2014 1:11pm

Would you be fussy about the kind of men you date? Would you have a set idea of the man you want to meet?

Because I know, I did. I wanted someone who was professional, maybe a little older with his own house and all that jazz. I ended up falling in love with a lad three years younger, who was scraping a living in a nightclub and completely as to what he wanted to do with his life.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have standards, but sometimes these standards can get in the way of finding love.

Minimix · 27-08-2014 9:13pm

Sweet Rose wrote: »

I hate to sound cynical but we'll have to move abroad!! I have a date on Saturday but I have to drive for 2 hours to meet him. There's a man drought where I'm living .
Also, I've started to look at guys older than me, like in their mid thirties. I wouldn't have done this before but I think it's a sign of me maturing too. I wouldn't rule out dating older guys, there are lots of lovely, single guys that age.

Same here, man drought where I am too. I have broadened the age limit I used to have, hasn't made any difference. Last weekend I was out the only single men I saw were close on twenty years older! I don't know where the single men in their 30's are. Wonder are the single men in their 30's feeling the same?
Best of luck with your date!

Sweet Rose · 27-08-2014 10:00pm

Minimix wrote: »

Same here, man drought where I am too. I have broadened the age limit I used to have, hasn't made any difference. Last weekend I was out the only single men I saw were close on twenty years older! I don't know where the single men in their 30's are. Wonder are the single men in their 30's feeling the same?
Best of luck with your date!

Thank you. He has already hinted that he doesn't think it's going anywhere because of the distance but I need a date and a taste of city life, even for just one night

Lol, it sounds like you went out in an old folks home. It's the same here. It's either really young Tweens or much much older guys you meet on a night out. All my beautiful and intelligent friends are struggling to meet guys too so I'm not getting paranoid.

Young_gunner · 27-08-2014 10:36pm

Trelstor wrote: »

There's nice single guys everywhere, you have to open your eyes and be assertive.

Yes, as one of these nice single guys in his 30s I agree! Don't be afraid to chat us up either !!!

audi12 · 28-08-2014 1:46pm

I could be wrong but i think some women who say they want to meet someone actually dont what they mean is they want attention from guys

mandy14 · 08-09-2014 9:56am

30 aged female single wants partner.............

audi12 · 08-09-2014 4:03pm

Minimix wrote: »

Hi! Could have written your post myself! Very similar situation to yours. At the moment it seems virtually impossible to meet anyone. It feels like there are no men, around my age who are single and interested in dating. Have to say I do feel like it's a lost cause and I'm at a loss as to what I can do to change things!

I am single around your age and not a weirdo ..

audi12 · 08-09-2014 4:04pm

Sweet Rose wrote: »

Thank you. He has already hinted that he doesn't think it's going anywhere because of the distance but I need a date and a taste of city life, even for just one night

Lol, it sounds like you went out in an old folks home. It's the same here. It's either really young Tweens or much much older guys you meet on a night out. All my beautiful and intelligent friends are struggling to meet guys too so I'm not getting paranoid.

yes we are well I am cant speak for every other guy of course

Paco Rodriguez · 08-09-2014 6:50pm

You're still young OP. Just live your life following your own ambitions and hobbies, and forget about putting too much effort into finding someone.
It will fall into place itself. I think if you are concentrating on finding someone you begin to change who you are into what you think guys want to see. If you just enjoy life you will be your self and guys will notice that.

30, Female, Single......

Comments