LDR

LegacyUser · 26-08-2014 1:55pm #1

So I'd be greatful if people could offer any advice for me. I'm in a LDR for nearly a year. The thing is I have let myself get too involved and let my world revolve around my boyfriend. We talk for hours on the phone every night. And I know he occupies far too much space in my mind. He broke up with me last week over a bad day we had, but I pleaded with him and he reconsidered.
So I thought I would be seeing him this weekend but plans have changed. I won't see him now for 15 days. He seems better able to compartmentalise and cope with the distance (he has previous experience in LDR).
I don't have many friends to talk to or go out with.

Any advice, thank you.

starlit · 26-08-2014 6:49pm

A LDR you need to really work at it and make the effort. If ye were a strong enough couple before hand ye hold it together. I would agree with you not to let yourself get too involved and let him consume you. You need time for yourself and do your own thing have your own independence but maybe sign up to something or join a club might help meet other people outside of the relationship.

You need to enjoy your company and with your friends as well. I'd recommend ye skype/facetime often if ye can but sometimes LDR don't always work out sometimes one partner invests too much into it rather than the other, investment in the relationship needs to be balanced it can be hard though. If ye willing to give it a go, try but its not going to be easy and its not for the faint hearted, ye both need to be determined to make it work. It can lead to heartbreak is all that I would say. Can you not go and see him or arrange to meet up with him half way where ever he is based? Really think about what ye both want and that ye are both on the same page is very important otherwise ye want different things and it's not likely to work out unless ye define it and keep it a certain way.

CaraMay · 26-08-2014 7:44pm

Op why in the name of god are you pleading with someone to go out with you? As you get older you will realise that if someone wants to go then you are better off letting them.

You need to have another chat and if he still wants to finish then let him.

Ann84 · 26-08-2014 9:35pm

"I don't have many friends to talk to or go out with."

This is the most important thing you have said, I am also in a LDR and have been in the past, it is hard, but what you said above is a different issue.

In any/ every relationship, it is absolutely vital that you are happy in yourself, in your own life outside the relationship and based on the above, you are not.
You need to focus on areas outside your boyfriend, have you hobbies? Join a club, go to the gym, go to night school?!? Find something that makes you happy.

Being in a LDR is not the problem, even if you were living in the same house you would probably be smothering him and it's not healthy for you to be so reliant on your partner for happiness, it would explain why you pleaded for him to stay, but it should be enough of an indicator for you to realise, he can't/ shouldn't be your only source of happiness in life...

Please try to take a look at the things you like, reading? Jogging? Hill walking? Learn a language? There are so many ways to find what makes you happy and strangely it will actually probably help you relationship too!

Good luck op

iusedtoknow · 27-08-2014 12:58am

LDR's are difficult, but you need to set boundaries - just as you would in a normal type of relationship.

One of the things that my GF (now wife) and I did were set limits on when we would skyple/talk to each other so as not to interfere with each others social life or hobbies. For us that meant that we wouldn't talk on both Friday AND Saturday nights, as well as Sunday afternoons etc. We'd obviously text etc but were careful to make sure that there was a social life as well.

It's counter-intuitive, but it made sense. I think you need to take a bit of a time self-examining, and broaden out your own network/social life where you are and not rely solely on your BF

LDR

Comments