not sure what to think

LegacyUser · 22-08-2014 1:20am #1

first time poster, although i have been on this site before and found it extremely helpful

so I been seeing a girl for the past year. we are both 29 and we get on great, theres not much conflict between the two of us. we rarely fight, we are both pretty easy going. thing is 2 nights ago we were out for dinner and at around 10 o clock one of her friends (a guy) was calling her. now I know these two are good friends so that wasn't an issue whatsoever. what struck me as odd is that she didn't answer, she pretended she didn't see it and she let it ring out and never called or text him back. again this probably doesn't seem overly odd but in the meantime she had been texting another friend so it had nothing to do with being rude to me and not wanting to be on her phone.

i found it particularly odd that a guy would be calling her at 10 at night and she wouldnt feel the need to answer or explain why she wasn't answering. for me if it was just casual chit chat between them he would have text. if a friend called me i would certainly want to know why as it would strike me as odd that they would call at 10 for a casual chat.

the other thing is that i know they have kissed years ago and he is her no1 on snapchat. none of this bothered me until this incident a couple of nights ago. maybe i am putting 2+2 together and getting 5 but i have a gut feeling there's something not right here. im not going to ask her about it as she hasn't necessairily done anything wrong and i also dont want to be confrontational about it. i know it would come across as being very jealous and controlling. i also dont want to come between friends and by saying this it would make things weird.

sorry now for the long winded essay but i just wanted to get across the whole story as best possible. i am just wondering if anyone has been in a similar position or has any such experiences/advice?

thanks in advance

Virgil° · 22-08-2014 8:50am

I wouldn't say the OP sounds insecure tbh.

I dunno though OP, from reading your post I'd say the most likely cases are either she didn't want to be disturbed at 10 o clock. Or she knows he likes her and won't entertain him past a certain point. That'd be my reading anyway.

You could always ask why she ignored her friends call or what this guy wanted at such an odd hour but i think the time to do that was probably when it was ringing.

mylefttesticle · 22-08-2014 8:58am

I don't think your insecure, I would think its odd as well seeing as you say she doesn't mind talking or texting when out for dinner with you before.

However she is not hiding her phone from you as you could see who was calling quite clearly I take it so that is not the actions of someone who is trying to conceal something from you.

It might be anything so you would feel much better if you just asked her in a non threatening way as in ''Hey everything ok between you and john as I noticed you ignoring his calls'' I mean your going out a year so its well within your right to ask these sorts of questions if they make you feel not right about a situation.

Best of luck

Big Bag of Chips · 22-08-2014 10:51am

I have a male friend who rings regularly, and always at a bad time! So, often I don't answer because I know it's never going to be a quick 2 minute call. He likes to chat and tell me about things that are going on for him. So I wait until I'm in a better position to talk to him and then call him back. It could be later that day, it could be a day or 2 later.

Have you any reason to be suspicious of them? I just find it unusual that rather than think she just didn't want to talk to him at that point, your first reaction is that she didn't want to talk to him in front of you, and that's because something suspicious must be going on.

edit: actually, my best friend is female. I regularly don't answer the phone to her if I'm not in a position to talk. It's usually a 20+ minute phone call with her. I'd never text her to explain why I wasn't answering either, I'd just ring/text her later.

Magicmatilda · 22-08-2014 11:24am

I think there is a massive difference between texting and talking on the phone. If I was out for dinner wth one person I would never answer a call to someone else, unless I was expecting news or something, whereas I probably would respond to a text.

I also regularly ignore calls from friends and family when I am with others, in fact it is rare if I am with someone that I would answer the phone to another.

As for friends ringing at 10pm, I don't think it is that unusual.

All that said I think it is possible to have a chat about it and not be confrontational. Not all conversations about your insecurities or fears have to be confrontational. All you have to so is ask her and gauge her reaction. After all she can tell you more than a bunch of strangers on the net. If you were my boyfriend and you said you were a bit uncomfortable with my male friend being no1 on snapchat and calling me at 10 and me not answering, I would understand and explain. In my experience people want to make their partners comfortable and only get defensive if they are hiding something.

Talk to her, if you are planning on staying with her you will have to have much more uncomfortable conversations than this!

Lux23 · 22-08-2014 12:26pm

He could be wrecking her head about something and she just didn't want to deal with him. I have 'friends' like that.

thomas anderson. · 22-08-2014 4:09pm

That would have seemed strange to me.

Just ask her. only way to know really

Katgurl · 23-08-2014 8:50am

I think your best bet would have been to have asked her about it right there and then. But in the absence of a time machine wait for a similar opportunity - where something seems unusual.

I wouldn't bring it up now, it's such a non-event you will come across crazed and jealous.

It really sounds like nothing tbh. As the others have said there are infinite reasons why she may not have picked up.

Little Lion Woman · 23-08-2014 4:34pm

I wouldn't have answered the call either! No point bringing it up now but if you see any patterns forming maybe talk to her then.

jopax · 23-08-2014 5:31pm

I do understand why you would wonder that she can send texts to one friend and not answer to another.
The only thing is that there is a difference between answering a call and sending a text.
I don't think I would mention to her as it would come across that you don't trust her.
Just leave things for now and wait to see if anything else happens, it could be purely innocent.

begrandx · 25-08-2014 9:13pm

Well I think there's a big difference between responding to a text and answering a call when you and your oh are out for dinner.
Tbh I wouldn't take a call if I was out for dinner with a friend let alone my boyfriend, mainly because I think it's rude.
it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about if it's just this. Has she given you any reason to doubt her before?

Dark Phoenix · 26-08-2014 2:24pm

i'd agree. I'd text someone in company but would feel very rude answering a call. Also i've some friends that I wont answer anyway unless my time is free as they will go on for a minimum of 20 minutes so its never a short conversation.
Be different is she tried to hide from you that they rang or something.

not sure what to think

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