Asking a girl out via instagram

spongebob89 · 13-08-2015 6:46am #1

There's a girl from my college that I quite fancy and after seen ger instagram pictures I can tell a little bit her personality may be suited to mine.. I have seen this girl out ina club once (3 months ago) an introduced myself an a lil chat.. and im wondering now how do I ask this girl for her number via instagram without coming across as a creep.. Im not on Facebook so the only way i figure is instagram but its quite unheard of.. Any ideas?

Liam McPoyle · 13-08-2015 6:59am

spongebob89 wrote: »

There's a girl from my college that I quite fancy and after seen ger instagram pictures I can tell a little bit her personality may be suited to mine.. I have seen this girl out ina club once (3 months ago) an introduced myself an a lil chat.. and im wondering now how do I ask this girl for her number via instagram without coming across as a creep.. Im not on Facebook so the only way i figure is instagram but its quite unheard of.. Any ideas?

If you know who she is, have spoken to her before and she is in your college, why on earth wouldn't you are her out face to face?

Heat_Wave · 13-08-2015 7:08am

Lmao that would be the creepiest thing ever. Don't do it.

Timberrrrrrrr · 13-08-2015 7:14am

Business Cat wrote: »

If you know who she is, have spoken to her before and she is in your college, why on earth wouldn't you are her out face to face?

Technology has killed the youth of today's social skills, I will never understand their reluctance to actually approach another person and talk to them face to face. DO NOT ask this girl out via Instagram she will respect you way more if you go the face to face route.

Day Lewin · 13-08-2015 7:46am

Why not write...."Hello Jane - we've met before, (last April at XXXX) - we chatted a little and I thought you were really nice (and pretty)...would love to meet you for real for a friendly conversation...would you be willng?"

or something like that...courtesy, respect, friendliness and patience are keywords you should never forget when dealing with these kind of delicate matters.

("I was the guy in the red jeans who talked about the GAA) (or whatever-it-was)") -- a willingness to be frank and open is important in order to not look or sound creepy.

I think it might work. I believe that is how things are done nowadays. Best of luck!

Pat Mustard · 13-08-2015 3:09pm

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

Technology has killed the youth of today's social skills, I will never understand their reluctance to actually approach another person and talk to them face to face. DO NOT ask this girl out via Instagram she will respect you way more if you go the face to face route.

Ah, but instead of actually asking a girl out, the youngfellas today can tapdance the question to the girl in morse code.

What is the morse code for 'call the guards'?

Aidric · 13-08-2015 3:13pm

Ah here, just no. Very creepy.

razorblunt · 13-08-2015 3:20pm

How about instead of going on a date. You both instagram each other pictures of the food you're eating. It will be just like the real thing.

Seriously though don't do it over instagram and if you do end up asking her online, don't use the phrase "are you willing", makes it sound like she's dicing with death!

etoughguy · 13-08-2015 3:22pm

Spongebob time to man up and walk over, worst case scenario she says no, big swinging micky if she does
Nothing ventured nothing gained

A_Sober_Paddy · 13-08-2015 3:24pm

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Lmao that would be the creepiest thing ever. Don't do it.

I would have thought the same, but that's were one of lads met his boyfriend. Mate was the one asked out, been together a gew months now

Manzoor14 · 13-08-2015 3:28pm

I always thought asking someone out on social media was a complete no go as well. Until my mate succeeded in asking out a national radio DJ through Twitter DM (they're never met/talked in person at all before that). They went out for a few months, but he's abroad now so they aren't together still, but still in touch as far as I know!

Don't knock it until you've tried it!!

MrStuffins · 13-08-2015 3:47pm

katemarch wrote: »

Why not write...."Hello Jane - we've met before, (last April at XXXX) - we chatted a little and I thought you were really nice (and pretty)...would love to meet you for real for a friendly conversation...would you be willng?"

I thought the OP's idea was the creepiest thing in the thread until I read this..........

Celly Smunt · 13-08-2015 3:48pm

Isn't Instagram all public?

Alanstrainor · 13-08-2015 3:50pm

I think the main issue with your approach OP is the time since you last saw her. It could seem a bit mad to send her a message asking her out when she probably doesn't remember even chatting to you at all. Do you see her around at all? I presume you don't share any classes? Any societies? I'm not against some sort of contact online, but given what you've said I think it would be a bad/awkward move.

challengemaster · 13-08-2015 3:52pm

Sure while you're at it why don't you just skip to sending her a snapchat of your junk.

No, I'm not serious. Don't do that.

Aimead · 13-08-2015 4:11pm

Yeah….no. Just no. If any guy ever asked me out in that way I’d almost certainly think they were a creep.

RedJoker · 13-08-2015 5:09pm

OP,
As others have mentioned, this approach would come across as creepy and is unlikely to work. Sure, sometimes these approaches do work but sometimes people smoke like chimneys and don’t get cancer, doesn’t make it a good idea.

The bigger issue is the lack of girls in your life. You’re getting hung up on one girl you spoke to briefly 3 months ago and are already coming up with projections about her personality (“after seen ger instagram pictures I can tell a little bit her personality may be suited to mine”). You know almost nothing about her personality; you can see what she chooses to share on an Instagram account and how she behaves with a stranger in a nightclub.

I’d recommend you forget about this girl and work on building a life where you regularly meet women who share your interests and are likely to be good potential matches. Work on becoming the type of man who asks a girl out when he’s interested and the opportunity arises. If you were the one to initiate the chat in the nightclub then kudos, that’s more than most guys would have done.

Jawgap · 13-08-2015 5:16pm

By asking her out in such a public way it'll seem like you're trying to embarass her into not saying no. Which makes it just extra creepy.

Certainly some light (I emphasise "light" ) chat / interaction online based around something she's posted is fine, but my advice would be definitely do not ask her out unless you are going to do it face-to-face.

ancapailldorcha · 13-08-2015 5:27pm

challengemaster wrote: »

Sure while you're at it why don't you just skip to sending her a snapchat of your junk.

No, I'm not serious. Don't do that.

Leave this sort of thing out please.

spongebob89 · 13-08-2015 6:41pm

Thanks for all the replies. alot are saying ask her to her face.. I wish I had the opportunity.. I dont see her now an doubt shes gonna be back in college in September because it seems she got a decent job iv no way of speaking to her face to face..

lazybones32 · 14-08-2015 12:27am

spongebob89 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. alot are saying ask her to her face.. I wish I had the opportunity.. I dont see her now an doubt shes gonna be back in college in September because it seems she got a decent job iv no way of speaking to her face to face..

I don't know what Instag. is but it seems to not be a good idea to ask her out using this medium.
You could use it to send her a message asking for her number or some way of contacting her beyond FB - though if this thing is Public, posting her number won't cut it either.
Listen, don't be too concerned about whether she will see you as 'creepy' or not: if you're genuine about wanting to get to know her because you like her, go for it. Life is too short to be playing games using social codes and rules that prevent people from being honest and upfront. She might say yes, she might not. Either way, you'll have tried and you can hold your head up, knowing you did something about it.

TrustedApple · 14-08-2015 12:39am

Depends like if you see each other all the time by walking pass each other and so on it i have no problem asking her out. But only do it if you have seen each other quite a few times other wise its a bit creepy.

There a few months ago i was always walking past this shop and i used to always see this girl who was very good looking and we where always smiling at each other when we walked past.

A friend of mine changed her photo on Facebook and she replied to it and i was like thats the girl from such and such a place so i sent her a message saying i am the guy who is always smiling at you. She sent me a friend request on then and we talked for a bit and joked about how she was shocked i didn't go up and ask her out at this stage as she used to have a haha to herself every time i passed her.

I ended up on a date with her later that evening we both went for a drink, we had a few dates with each other but the fact she was only 18 and i was 23 played a big factor to it as i was quite a lot more mutture then her.

Then after her i ended up on another date with a girl from tinder i got matched with who i used to always walk past as well and we where talking about how we never talked to each other and the fact she gave me a match as she was always wonder what my name was to add me on Facebook to get to know me. Ended up asking her out had a date didn't get on.

But you never really know with things when it comes to dating i found and you don't know who's going to walk into your life. All depends if she is open to the fact she met someone online.

endacl · 14-08-2015 12:43am

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

Technology has killed the youth of today's social skills, I will never understand their reluctance to actually approach another person and talk to them face to face. DO NOT ask this girl out via Instagram she will respect you way more if you go the face to face route.

I dunno. She's 'the youth of today' too. She might think he was weird if he didn't instafacechat her.

spongebob89 · 14-08-2015 12:52am

lazybones32 wrote: »

I don't know what Instag. is but it seems to not be a good idea to ask her out using this medium.
You could use it to send her a message asking for her number or some way of contacting her beyond FB - though if this thing is Public, posting her number won't cut it either.
Listen, don't be too concerned about whether she will see you as 'creepy' or not: if you're genuine about wanting to get to know her because you like her, go for it. Life is too short to be playing games using social codes and rules that prevent people from being honest and upfront. She might say yes, she might not. Either way, you'll have tried and you can hold your head up, knowing you did something about it.

All I wanna ask is for her number so I can get to know then maybe ask her out.. Instagram offerers a private chat also if you send them a picture privately this could be a blank picture in my case

endacl · 14-08-2015 12:54am

spongebob89 wrote: »

All I wanna ask is for her number so I can get to know then maybe ask her out.. Instagram offerers a private chat also if you send them a picture privately this could be a blank picture in my case

Send her a blank picture, and ask for her number? Are you writing some sort of teen horror script on here?

14-08-2015 1:06am

endacl wrote: »

Send her a blank picture, and ask for her number? Are you writing some sort of teen horror script on here?

I know. WADR to the OP, I'm reading this thread in disbelief. Complete disbelief.

14-08-2015 2:26am

I met my girlfriend via Instagram, and have gotten a dates via the app before. In all cases the females made the move which is potentially irrelevant.

I think the problem with the people posting advice to you here is that they dont understand how people who engage in that medium think today, or the dating norms of the social media generation. So their advice isn't very good. Seriously guys you really haven't a clue what the dating scene is currently like.

I've been asked out on snapchat, dated girls I met on twitter, facebook, plenty of fish and tinder. I have also dated girls that i chatted up in nightclubs and got their number face to face, ive met girls through activities and whatnot. There is no right or wrong way to meet someone. HOWEVER it is all about how you proceed.

Unlike tinder where you know the person is single and has an interest in you in this case you can't be sure of either. You might have a hint though, is she liking your photos, commenting on them, etc? Have you connected on snapchat? Is she sending you snaps she doesn't put in her story? If she has given you no indication that she is interested to then back off and move on. As was suggested previously you dont really know her at all and there are many many more ladies on instagram.

If you think she would be interested then use the chat feature on instagram to send a private picture. But dont send a blank one asking for her number. how boring is that. If she is always posting art, then send her a picture of a favorite painting of yours. If she always posts inspirational quotes send her one and say heres one I thought you would like. If shes big into the gym send a pic of your new runners, whatever, you get the picture. Show her that you like what she is posting and have a similar interests. Start an innocent conversation with her. You know it might be beneficial for you to try have a further conversation with her (past a nightclub one) before figuring out if you definitely want to ask her out.

Similar to a real life conversation you will get ques as to whether she is happy to receive this message from you or not, she may not reply at all, that's a NO, she may wait quite a while to reply and only reply with something brief like 'oh thanks' thats a NO. But if she replies eagerly and engages in conversation give it a blast and ask her out on instagram no need for her number.

I havent have the mobile numbers of a lot of girls ive went on dates with. DM or messenger or whatever is how we conversed.

What a brave new world.:rolleyes:

Jawgap · 14-08-2015 5:57am

Deleted User wrote: »

.....
I think the problem with the people posting advice to you here is that they dont understand how people who engage in that medium think today, or the dating norms of the social media generation. So their advice isn't very good. Seriously guys you really haven't a clue what the dating scene is currently like.

Unlike tinder where you know the person is single and has an interest in you in this case you can't be sure of either. You might have a hint though, is she liking your photos, commenting on them, etc? Have you connected on snapchat? Is she sending you snaps she doesn't put in her story? If she has given you no indication that she is interested to then back off and move on. As was suggested previously you dont really know her at all and there are many many more ladies on instagram.

How do you know the person is single?

As an older person who really only understands human interaction, not all this new fangled technology d'interwebs, I'm intrigued to hear they've developed an app that prevents lying

etoughguy · 14-08-2015 7:18am

lazybones32 wrote: »

I don't know what Instag. is but it seems to not be a good idea to ask her out using this medium.

I'm glad you said that as I was thinking am I only the person who doesn't know what Instagram is!

14-08-2015 12:58pm

Jawgap wrote: »

How do you know the person is single?

As an older person who really only understands human interaction, not all this new fangled technology d'interwebs, I'm intrigued to hear they've developed an app that prevents lying

Got me! There is no guarantee at all. Actually there was a massive uproar from tinder this week when vanity fair released an article saying that 30% of users are married, they say the figure is more like 5%... however Tinder links to peoples facebook and instagram accounts and tells you who you are mutual friends with, it would be very dangerous in Ireland to be on it while doing a line with someone :cool:

Pat Mustard · 14-08-2015 2:11pm

Jawgap wrote: »

How do you know the person is single?

As an older person who really only understands human interaction, not all this new fangled technology d'interwebs, I'm intrigued to hear they've developed an app that prevents lying

To be fair to mrtonysheridan, what I took from what he said was that people on Tinder are available.

On Instagram, this is not necessarily the case.

14-08-2015 3:01pm

spongebob89 wrote: »

There's a girl from my college that I quite fancy and after seen ger instagram pictures I can tell a little bit her personality may be suited to mine.. I have seen this girl out ina club once (3 months ago) an introduced myself an a lil chat.. and im wondering now how do I ask this girl for her number via instagram without coming across as a creep.. Im not on Facebook so the only way i figure is instagram but its quite unheard of.. Any ideas?

Honestly, this is what facebook is for. If you have no problem asking a girl out over instagram, you should really get a facebook account. Just add her on that and get chatting.

14-08-2015 10:15pm

Deleted User wrote: »

What a brave new world.:rolleyes:

My issue is not with the means of communication; it's with the message. Honestly, some of what I've read just comes across as weird, and would strike me as weird no matter whether a fella intended to approach a woman via the phone, an app or by saying hello on the street.

No offence meant, but it's just not sitting right with me.

15-08-2015 1:47am

Deleted User wrote: »

My issue is not with the means of communication; it's with the message. Honestly, some of what I've read just comes across as weird, and would strike me as weird no matter whether a fella intended to approach a woman via the phone, an app or by saying hello on the street.

No offence meant, but it's just not sitting right with me.

Well If you are covering yourself for offence with me none taken. I can't see what wouldn't sit right with you about my suggestion to find common ground on something she is interested in and begin a conversation. Hardly anything you could consider sinister.

The OP hasn't suggested a message. Im sure he would be happy to hear yours.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 15-08-2015 9:59am

Isn't Instagram for ego stroking and posting pics of your paelo diet?? Yeah that'd be kinda strange. "Hey that salad looks so healthy and clean, want to sleep with me?"

15-08-2015 1:05pm

Wait.

People have found relationships through Instagram. Through Instagram?!

15-08-2015 4:52pm

Deleted User wrote: »

The OP hasn't suggested a message. Im sure he would be happy to hear yours.

Instead of sending someone a blank picture and asking to chat, he could find an attractive lass who lives near by and knock on her door while wearing a mask over his face. :eek:

That, by the way, is intended neither a serious suggestion nor as an insult. :rolleyes:

This is the Gentlemen's Club. If a gentleman wishes to address a lady with a view to asking her out, why not just do so - with a message that is polite and mannerly, a picture so that the lady in question can see who he is, and contact details in case she wants to follow up on the request.

If she's interested she'll say so. If she's not she'll say so. The worst that can happen is that she'll be a bit mean in the way she says no - in which case it's no real loss to the OP.

Not complicated. Not odd. Just straightforward. No?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 15-08-2015 6:39pm

It's funny on dating sites when you have your photo up and someone with no photo accuses you of being shallow because you won't talk to them without them having a photo.

Interesting101 · 28-03-2023 8:30pm

Ignore all the nah sayers....Life is too short ......Just send her a comment about one of her post on Insta and see if he replies.....Try strike up a bit of banter and then maybe suggest swapping numbers for an actual chat.

Sounds like ya might not even see her in real life anyway so no awarksnesdd .

knucklehead6 · 28-03-2023 8:42pm

The opening post was in 2015.

spongebob could’ve married this girl in the intervening time

wotzgoingon · 28-03-2023 9:04pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/96605993#Comment_96605993

I know this is from 2015 but you must be a good looker. I remember once many years ago when I was in college(this goes along with all those that said say it to her face) I used to see this girl around anyway one evening as I was leaving my estate(where I was living for college. It was just across from the college) I seen her and said Hi, how are you. She was shocked and acted odd as if I was going to do something to her. She said do I know you. I said no I seen you around and thought I'd say Hi. Anyway never done that again. Made me uncomfortable and probably for her too. But yea to their face isn't always good.

Would have been a lot easier to track her down on social media and ask that way and if she declined no big deal. And no feeling uncomfortable and awkward and mad thoughts wondering why that happened.

Asking a girl out via instagram

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