Mediation and Stressed Out

irish gent · 03-11-2013 2:01pm #1

Hi everyone , I am very stressed out at the minute. Can anyone help me please on a question
we will be going to mediation this week first time to go. My wife asked me to leave my home I have 3 kids .I have not cheated by the why .im working , she is not . My wife got 70000 euro retirement money 7 months ago and she spend it all on her loans and holidays. She put 8000 off mortgage and the rest she says is gone. She is only getting partime work and being payed in the hand. Im paying for everthing now. I hate writhing letters as im not good at it sorry.

Taltos · 03-11-2013 2:13pm

OP - given you your own thread - please don't hijack another thread.

ABajaninCork · 03-11-2013 11:54pm

If you're still paying the bills, then DON'T MOVE OUT!!! Go to mediation and take it from there.

irish gent · 04-11-2013 12:12am

Sorry brand new to all this not sure what I was doing never ment to hijack anybody , sorry again.

irish gent · 07-11-2013 10:49am

:(Hi I'm going for a separation but do I have to leave the home. I have 3 kids ages are 16 14 19 years old .My wife works but gets cash in hand 15 hours work a week maybe more, plus children's allowance . I'm paying all bills plus even property tax Question I have is do I have to leave the family home just because she is the woman .I'm very stressed about it all now and very down in myself I love my kids.. We have been married 25 years. She just never wanted to marry she told me after 25 years of marriage .Can I stay in my own home if I want even if she asks me to leave that's the question thanks.

Taltos · 07-11-2013 11:56am

OP - I am merging your threads, ideally users should only have one active thread here to avoid monopolising the advice.

Cheers
Taltos

desbrook · 07-11-2013 4:11pm

irish gent wrote: »

:(Hi I'm going for a separation but do I have to leave the home. I have 3 kids ages are 16 14 19 years old .My wife works but gets cash in hand 15 hours work a week maybe more, plus children's allowance . I'm paying all bills plus even property tax Question I have is do I have to leave the family home just because she is the woman .I'm very stressed about it all now and very down in myself I love my kids.. We have been married 25 years. She just never wanted to marry she told me after 25 years of marriage .Can I stay in my own home if I want even if she asks me to leave that's the question thanks.

Yes you can stay is the short answer . A court can compel you to leave if she applies for a Judicial Separation . That option is very expensive, time consuming and messy for all involved and I really hope it won't come to that . She may be entitlied for Legal Aid which will put you at a disadvantage .
The reality is though that living together in such an envoirnment is good for no-one especially your children . What does she see as the way forward ? Has she asked you to move ?

irish gent · 07-11-2013 10:11pm

Hi thanks for your reply , yes she ask me to leave nicely but I refused. We are going to mediation now first time today very stressfull for me.

mecanoman · 21-11-2013 10:59am

Hope things work out.

I have been asked to leave too.

Being with my wife for 13 years, have a 6 year old.

She had an affair 4 years ago, thought we'd moved passed it, guess i was wrong.

The idea of house sharing again is killing me, but hope you can remember to hang in there for your children, only thing that keeps me getting up each day.

irish gent · 16-05-2014 7:45am

Hello , I was at the mediator yesterday, my wife asked me could I take a weekend out of the house every month and she would do the same..to ease the stress and when my kids reach the age of 18 the house would be sold..I was also asked to sign a document on the sale of property and assets, we will be in the house for another 2 and half years until kids finish School. Should I sign the document and leave the house every weekend for her sake.I would be afraid that she would bully me into the courts if I did not..

desbrook · 16-05-2014 10:10am

Just to be clear does the document include this "vacate the house one weekend a month " idea?

irish gent · 16-05-2014 11:58am

Hi Desbrook, Document will be ready next week to sign I will look in to this about the odd weekend . if it does I would not really be happy with it on paper I guess.

desbrook · 16-05-2014 12:05pm

irish gent wrote: »

Hi Desbrook, Document will be ready next week to sign I will look in to this about the odd weekend . if it does I would not really be happy with it on paper I guess.

I can't see the leaving the house for one weekend a month working to be honest. Where would you go?

As for the house sale after 2 1/2 years - yea go for it if you are happy with the split ALTHOUGH kids in college are dependants till 23 and this may be used to stall the sale .

irish gent · 16-05-2014 12:15pm

thanks for that tip with kids going to collage . I feel like getting a very slow boat to China lol away form it all ..

11wingnut · 18-05-2014 4:02pm

Irish Gent .Be careful moving out .I did for two mights and she added new locks then when i call she says i shouted at her ot hit her or frightned the chrildren .Gaurds called and they come for women .
no baring or protection or order just every time i called Gaurds would come . my work was from a yard at the back of my home
just be careful.

ABajaninCork · 18-05-2014 4:33pm

I wouldn't be agreeing to ANYTHING unless I ran it past the brief first. The others are right. Be very careful here...

Whose idea was it for the 'weekend out'?

irish gent · 13-06-2014 1:37pm

Hello ,my ex wife asked me if I wanted to go to her 50th birthday party. I'm only separated one year, is this weird that she asked.Friends and family said don't go ?

Ken. · 13-06-2014 2:28pm

I'd base my reply on one criteria. If ye have children( I know if you do there probably grown up) I'd go and if ye don't I wouldn't bother. If you go bring a card and small gift have a drink or two and leave after an hour. That's what i'd do personally. It's better to have a friend than an enemy.

desbrook · 13-06-2014 6:02pm

ken wrote: »

I'd base my reply on one criteria. If ye have children( I know if you do there probably grown up) I'd go and if ye don't I wouldn't bother. If you go bring a card and small gift have a drink or two and leave after an hour. That's what i'd do personally. It's better to have a friend than an enemy.

I agree - what do your three kids think?

Btw - has she a new boyfriend? This may be her way of showing him off to you - be careful.

ABajaninCork · 13-06-2014 6:23pm

I wouldn't go. Send her a card if you want, and a small gift, and leave it at that.

Ken. · 13-06-2014 6:24pm

As you can tell from my reply I hadn't seen this thread so didn't know you had kids or their ages.

irish gent · 14-06-2014 11:53pm

16 years up to 19 years old kids I did not go in the to the party I bottle out. my kids came home early but they did not mind that I did not go ..My kids bringing me out for my Dinner Fathers day. I guess I will pay in the end lol..thank guys for your input.

irish gent · 18-07-2014 9:16am

Hi everyone. I have just finished mediation and a photo copy of the agreement was sent by post today. Im happy about the way it turned out.My Question is now do I have to go to a solicitor to finalise it. Thanks

desbrook · 18-07-2014 10:36am

irish gent wrote: »

Hi everyone. I have just finished mediation and a photo copy of the agreement was sent by post today. Im happy about the way it turned out.My Question is now do I have to go to a solicitor to finalise it. Thanks

Forgive me if I sound rude but did the mediator not tell you would?

irish gent · 18-07-2014 3:25pm

I'm sorry but I must of been in a day dream at that stage when the mediator spoke about a Solicitor , because it was very stressful time for me.. How may times do I need to go to A solicitor on this Deal . I was told my ex has to start the ball rolling . Jesus I can be very stupid when this type of stuff starts.

desbrook · 18-07-2014 6:31pm

irish gent wrote: »

I'm sorry but I must of been in a day dream at that stage when the mediator spoke about a Solicitor , because it was very stressful time for me.. How may times do I need to go to A solicitor on this Deal . I was told my ex has to start the ball rolling . Jesus I can be very stupid when this type of stuff starts.

Afaik you do need to go yes - and for good reason. What you have agreed to may be unsustainable/unfair, whatever. In short you need knowledgeable advice. Take this advice renegotiate if necessary.Forget how many visits and the cost. Remember a bad deal now may cost you multiples of the legal fees.

If your ex is "starting the ball rolling " that presumably means she's acting as applicant and you will be the respondent. It's just legal stuff and doesn't denote any guilt.

Get a solicitor now!

irish gent · 18-07-2014 7:11pm

I was on to a solicitor today and he told me just to wait till a letter comes in the door and he would deal with it if he was not happy.

desbrook · 18-07-2014 11:19pm

irish gent wrote: »

I was on to a solicitor today and he told me just to wait till a letter comes in the door and he would deal with it if he was not happy.

You mean he would deal with it if YOU were not happy??

Personally I'd be asking him if how much short of the best you could expect it was - if at all. Maybe it was the best you could expect. It's important to know to give you perspective.

Remember one thing, that if your soon to be ex- wife's solicitor did not approve of something it would not be in the papers that will be sent.

Mediation and Stressed Out

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