And so it begins

hi, i know of people who where born in england and adopted in ireland, if ur on facebook their is a few groups, adoption rights alliance and adoption support network of ireland might be some help....kathy

Hi Auguste,

I was born in the UK (London) and adopted in Ireland and have been through the tracing and reunion process. Like you also I have 1 sister who is also adopted (but no interest in tracing) and both my parents are now deceased, my mum some years ago and dad just a couple of years. I didn't write an intro post but will try and give you as brief and informative info as possible (I'm not sure if there is a way you could PM me through this site if you want more info)
I am 41 now and started the tracing process back in 2005. Like you I had always known I was adopted but wasn't discussed much, the only info I had from my parents was that I was born in the UK and my birthmother wanted me to be brought up in Ireland. I was adopted at 3 mths from an agency in the South. Growing up I was curious now and then about my background but it was never something I thought about pursuing and to be honest it never even crossed my mind that there would be much information available if I did. It was only in 2005 when the publicity about the contact register was coming online etc. that it sparked an interest and I started browsing the internet and discovered that HSE South held the files for my adoption agency. I just rang them and they told me to send in a letter with any info I had and they would contact me later. At this point I never even thought about reunion, just getting some info like medical history or something. Anyway, I got an appointment with a social worker sooner in a matter of weeks and drove down on the day to meet her. I was quite surprised to find she had a lot of information on my file about my birthparents (non-identifying of course, just firstnames and details about them), and details about me as a baby...there were also letters on file from my b'mother that she had sent to the nun from the agency when she returned to the UK (she was working over there at the time and came back with me to hand me over for the adoption)enquiring after me. It was a hugely emotional day for me - it was strange finding out all this info that I never would have thought would have been there and reading those letters. Anyway the social worker (who was fantastic) told me that because I was born in the UK I was entitled to my original file there (she told me the adoption was arranged by the Catholic Children's Society in London - they arranged a lot of the adoptions for babies of Irish women based in the UK). I thought about it for a few months and then contacted the CCS in London - again I got a very quick apt and flew over for the day to meet them.
They had an even bigger file on me including all original documents from the hospital where I was born, notes on my b'mother's visits to the agency (before and after I was born) etc. But the important thing was that there was a form with all my birthmother and birthfather's details on it. Anyway to cut this a bit short(!) I did some research in the registration office the next day back home and discovered that my birthparents had married and were living in the West of Ireland. I rang the social worker to tell her all the info I got in London and she said they could start a reunion process if I wanted pretty much straight away as I had all the info. I left it and thought about this for a few mths, contacted her again and she set the ball rolling by contacting my birthparents. It took a while but they agreed to contact me, we wrote for ages (over couple of years), exchanged photos etc, met in HSE office with Social worker in 2007 and have been in contact since. We get on well, keep in touch and meet up once a year or so with my hubbie and children.

As I say if you want to ask me anything about the process that I didn't mention feel free - there's a lot more I could say but I think this is long enough!
LK.

No problem Auguste, the best of luck with it and hopefully you won't have to wait too long for responses, it certainly does speed up the process being born in the UK as the legislation is different over there. If you know the Irish agency that arranged your adoption here they should be able to point you to the agency in the UK that worked in conjunction with them and hopefully they would have the original file. I will be glad to help with any queries.

Auguste Comte wrote: »

Hi, a quick update.

I heard back from the adoption authority to tell me that my details would go onto the contact preference register and which agency arranged my adoption. Pretty good service in less than a week.

The agency is closed down and the records are with the Health Service Executive North East, NCR in Dublin,so my my next move will be to write to them asking for my non -identifying information. The trace guide gives a great list of questions to ask, would I be better off to include all the questions or should I put a shorter list together?

That's it so far, I'll be back with anymore updates, questions etc, as ever all tips advice etc most welcome.

Auguste

Hey Auguste,

Thats great work so far. I hate to put a dampner on things but if the HSE is Park House then my experience of them is that they dont just give out the non identifying information. They like to meet you in person and that can take a little while. It would be no harm to give them a ring and see if they do this with everyone and what the wait will be.

Just saw your post there now Auguste as haven't been on here for a while. That's great news about the CCS (I probably should have suggested it in the first place to contact them). The best of luck with the appointment - they are so lovely there.

My own experience would say go for it. My BM was very reluctant to meet and it was very clear that the adoption had been hugely traumatic for her. But we did meet recently and all the monsters she had created in her own head about the adoption, that I would hate her, that I was unhappy etc were all swept away when she realised I'm a pretty well adjusted twenty something who is very grateful to her for giving me the wonderful family I have.

My BF is dead, and he wasn't old, and I do find that I'm sad that I will never meet him and get a sense of him in person - I'm relying on third party descriptions and cobbled together photographs. I don't dwell on it because there's nothing I can do as he died when I was 19 so there was never any chance I would meet him but if this woman is in her 70s I would say go for it. Don't assume you know how she'll feel, only deal in what you know yourself to be capable of and what you want out of it. Maybe she is wishing every day that you make contact? There are so many variables, that for me, I think its always better to just go for it because then at least you know whereas if you don't and she passes on you will only be guessing at how she would have reacted and for me it's those circular what ifs that wreck my head.

Anyway, that's only my 2cents! Best of luck with it!

Hi Auguste,

I would say to take a bit of time to digest all the information and then decide what you want to do - it took me 4 months after meeting with the CCS to ring my (Irish) social worker to give her the go-ahead to initiate contact. My decision was based on letting my birthparents know that I was around and available for contact should they want it, while preparing to accept whatever decision they made in that regard. As I said before it took them a while (it came as a shock obviously and then they were afraid their children (who they have never told about me)would be contacted by me as well), once the social worker assured them that wouldn't happen and met them etc, they agreed to contact and we started writing - this went on for a few years before we eventually met.
It also came out in my social workers meeting with my birthparents that they had given up another girl for adoption the year after I was born - so I have a full sister who was also adopted. I haven't gone down the route of tracing her though.
A good book I read when I was trying to make up my mind to contact my birthparents or not was "Motherhood Silenced" by Ruth Kelly - it's about the experience of Irish birthmothers and the adoption and reunion process and I found it helpful to read about it from their viewpoint. Like Aprilbaby said it can be healing for them but there are so many emotions as it brings up the past and they have to deal with all the secrets too, but the consensus for almost all those mothers interviewed for the book was that they glad they met their birthchild, regardless of the way the relationship went from there. In our case we took it all at a similar pace (v slowly!) which helped (social worker said we were like peas in a pod that way). We still keep contact and meet occasionally but there are still a lot of people that don't know on their side. They are very happy to have gone through the reunion though and so am I. Again the social worker that acted as intermediary was brilliant, they go out of the picture once the reunion happens and that can be the difficult part as you have to assess the relationship and where to go from there but once again if you can take it at a similar pace it works well.
The best of luck with it and if you have any q's at all from someone who's been through it just let me know! I know every situation is different but if I can be of any help..