Simple question for you

Today a work colleague who knows I like to dabble with the written word told me that her friend has a birthday coming up and asked me to write a short story for her and her daughter. They apparently like to read stories about magic and fairies and such. Never written with a young child (6 years old) in mind before.

So this dinner time I rapidly wrote the following. (In my dinner break) I know it is not great and I can see many flaws. But considering the young daughter is a 6 year old might I ask what you think of it? I am unsure but also I am quite pleased that I came up with it in an hour. I Might have written a bit more, but I ran out of time and paper I was told to use their names in the story. So slight changes here to save the innocent ...



The Birthday

Alice was very excited, it was mummy's birthday. Today Alice was going to be very very good and give mummy a day to remember.

Alice loved he mummy so very much, and Marie loved her daughter completely too. In fact both of these beautiful young ladies were very loving people. So, all things considered, it seemed only right for Alice to do something really special.

Right after school, she started her plan. It called for collecting a lot of things, Alice got he sack and set off. Her fairy wings flickered in the sunlight as she went from place to place, gathering.

Firstly she flew to the robin. "Hello Mr Robin" she called in her pretty voice. "May I have one of your red feathers please?" The robin bowed his head to her "Of course Princess Alice, if you want one you can have one." And so saying, he pecked off a red feather and gave it to Alice. "Thank you very much Mr Robin, it is for my mummy's birthday."

Next, Alice went to the pretty garden spider that lived in old hedge. "Hello Mrs Spider" she called. "Hello Princess Alice." called the spider in a friendly voice. "You look busy today."
Alice nodded seriously, "Yes Mrs Spider, it is my mummy's birthday today and I need a few things. Can you let me have a piece of your beautiful web please?" The spider skittered over in a way that would scare silly girls, but not Alice, because she knew the spider was a friend, and a very good one. The spider ran around for a few minutes, and when she stopped, a perfect new web lay by Alice's feet. "There you are Princess Alice, a nice new web especially for your Mummy's birthday."
"Ooh thank you so much." Gasped Alice.

Next she went to the pond where she called out to a newt. "Mr Newt, it is my mummy's birthday. Could you please give me one of those lovely shiney stones from the bottom of the pond?"
The newt nodded his head and straight away to get a shiney stone for Alice.
"Thank you Mr Newt." said Alice in a solemn voice as she put the stone in the sack with her other things.

The sack was getting heavy now, but there were only a few more things to get. Most of the things she could get herself of course, pansy petals, daffodil trumpets, and such like. Only one thing she needed help with, that was flower nectar. Yet the bees and a few butterflies helped with this. Alice was covered in bright yellow pollen by this time and her giggles of laughter had her friends, the rabbits looking at her with amusement.

When her sack was full to bursting, she flew home, her tiny wings making WHIRR WHIRR sounds.

At home, Alice went straight to her room, where she could work in private. Emptying her sack out she started to put things together the right way, saying her little spell as she did so. The web was laid on the stone, and using the nectar as glue she stuck the feather and the petals on top in a special way.

"With a feather of red,
And a web for the bed.
Add a stone for the head,
And nectar tis said."

There was a brilliant flash of sparkling golden light that flew twice around the room and then out of the window. Now all Alice had to do was wait a few minutes.

The golden light returned and flew around the room before settling on the stone again. As it faded a very pretty lady stood there. "Hello Princess Alice, did you call for me?" she said.

"Hello Mother Nature." said Alice, "I wanted to ask a great big favour from you for my mummy's birthday."

"Yes of course Alice," smiled Mother Nature. "What can I do for you?"

"Can you make mummy's garden all pretty with lots and lots of flowers please?"

"Yes of course I will Alice." Said Mother Nature, "but it will only work after you give your mummy a big hug and a kiss and say the magic words."

"What are the magic words?" Asked Alice, who was still learning her magic.

Mother Nature smiled at her. "You will know them when the time comes Alice. it is in your nature." Then she cast her spell, waved goodbye and with a happy smile vanished.

Later on when Marie (who was of course Queen of the Fairies really) came up to see what Alice was doing, Alice skipped over and gave her mummy a great big hug and a kiss. "Happy Birthday Mummy. I love you."

As Alice said those three magic words, the whole world turned beautiful for Marie's birthday.