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Should I give her a second chance?

  • 19-01-2015 9:17pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys!

    So without giving too many details about what happened, my girlfriend of around 6 months messed up really bad! Lots of lies and sneaking around, etc, involving her ex, in something that was ongoing for the first 2 or 3 months of us going out.

    I was ready to break up with her when I found out... Now I'm not sure why, but I just had a feeling that I should take some time to cool off, and see how I felt about it before ending it.. In that time she tried her best to make amends for her mistakes! Sometimes I thought she was trying too hard, and it seemed forced, but still, she's really put in a lot of effort and seems like she's fully dedicated to the relationship.. I appreciate that, and it helps that I know nothings happened in the past few months, but I'm still annoyed about a lot of things...

    I never thought her capable of something like that, I feel like I don't know her as well as I thought. Of course, I'm very afraid that she may do it again in the future, but I know the warning signs now, so at the minute, I've decided to give her a second chance, but I'm being cautious... And I kind of feel like the relationship was built on lies, and does that ever work out?

    Now and again the whole thing will just sort of pop up in my mind and I'll get really annoyed (I only found out a couple of weeks ago, so it's still fresh) so I'm worried that this feeling will last, and that I'll never be able to trust her again.
    But on the other hand, when I'm with her, I'm so happy! I'm always excited to see her, even after all this. I know it's stupid, and the vast majority of you will probably tell me so, but I just have that gut feeling that this relationship is worth sticking with.
    I do kind of worry I'm only giving this a go because I don't want to feel like it was a wasted effort, as I have put a lot of effort into this relationship. She's the first girl I've actually wanted a relationship with in years, and I think I might be afraid to lose that.

    So I know that was more me venting than asking a question, but if anyone's been in a similar situation or has any advice that can help me clear my own head on the matter it would be greatly appreciated! It's really messing with my head at the minute!!!!


Comments

  • #2
    R.D. aka MR.D
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭R.D. aka MR.D


    I think it depends on what actually happened between them. If it was texting and stuff then maybe give her another chance.

    If it went any further than that, then I don't think you should.

    I took back a cheater (with his ex) and then he went on to do it again. I used to be more open minded and think that these kinds of people change but after being made a complete fool of, I tend to think that if they've had so little respect for you once, it isn't a big stretch that they'll do it again.


  • #3
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    If you feel like it's something you're not going to be able to get past then it's not worth continuing on the relationship, it's not fair on neither you or her. If you want a relationship with then you're going to have to learn how to move on from the issue at hand.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Seems like a huge amount of stress and hassle for the early days of a relationship, when it should be fun and easygoing.
    Personally I wouldn't bother to continue, I tend to believe - once a cheater, always a cheater. There are plenty of potential partners in the world who will respect you enough not to mess you around.


  • #5
    giggle84
    Registered Users Posts: 168 ✭✭giggle84


    I was in this exact position about 6 weeks ago, there was no cheating but there were lies about prior involvement with someone I know. We'd been seeing each other for about 3 months. I also sought advice here and got various opinions which helped.

    I ultimately decided to give him another chance and proceed with caution. We talked about it at length, I told him everything that bothered me about the situation and all the concerns I had, he was genuinely sorry and made a huge effort to apologise and show he was serious about me.

    It still bothered me a lot for a while and it does still pop into my head sometimes but much less now and I can usually put it aside because we're in a good place now. What has been important for me is that he didn't expect to just be able to forget about it and we'd never talk about it again, it has come up a few times since and we've discussed how I feel about it. While I don't want to hold it over him forever it helps me to know that he takes it seriously and accepts that I'm still dealing with it.

    I would say if you think she's serious about you now and you can see a future with her then proceed with caution, give her the chance to show you she's serious but make sure she knows you're not going to just get over this overnight and that honesty is paramount from now on.


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