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Trust issue

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  • 12-01-2015 3:48am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I recently looked through my girlfriends phone. We are both 26, been together for 3 years and we have a pretty healthy relationship.

    The other morning she went to the shop to get some stuff and left her phone behind. She can be pretty secretive with her phone at times so it has made me question why? We don't have any trust issues in the relationship but I found it odd she was a little protective over her phone.

    Anyway, when she left I had a look through her phone, found nothing, didn't really expect to being honest cause other than the protective over her phone thing she hasn't given me reason to. When she came back I told her I looked through her phone because I suspect she would have known anyway. She didn't mind at all and said it's pretty normal for people to look through their partners phones occasionally.

    I've never done anything like that before and to be honest i don't know where to go to from here...I feel terrible for doing it as i completely disagree with that behaviour. I'm so sick with myself and I feel like I've ruined the trust within the relationship. I'm considering calling it a day as I feel that i can't look at us the same since.

    Is it me just feeling guity for being a d**k or is there some more underlying issue that I'm not aware of


Comments

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    #2
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    A bit of both in my opinion. "We don't have any trust issues in the relationship" and "I recently looked through my girlfriends phone" aren't exactly two phrases that go hand in and in the same sentence. The fact that you jumped straight to going through her phone when her back was turned instead of just talking to her about it does point towards there being trust issues, particularly on your part, and thus room for improvement in your relationship.

    Relationships require work, even the ones that seem perfect. So rather than calling it a day, why not acknowledge that this is something in your relationship that requires some improvement. Luckily you seem to have an understanding partner, so you have far from ruined the relationship. So talk to her about it - tell her that you feel like a dick for going through her phone, tell her how you felt that made you feel that you needed to go through her phone, and see if this is something you can both hash out together.


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    #3
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    newuser15 wrote: »
    I'm considering calling it a day as I feel that i can't look at us the same since.

    Seems extremely over the top OP. Have a rethink, I'm sure that things may look different once you have slept on it. You found nothing, and she didn't even appear to mind. Have a chat with her about any possible insecurities.


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank you for the replies

    I agree that every relationship takes work, you constantly need to keep working at it to make sure there are no issues.

    I never had an issue or even questioned her. I have been in two relationships before and never felt the urge to look through someones private property. I guess the only reason I did this time is because she was secretive over it. I wonder why she was acting like that about it.

    Anyway I understand that's still not a reason to invade someones privacy. I'm feeling a bit like a fraud for doing it and then expecting to carry on like it didn't happen. I'm just gutted that I acted so out of character


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    #5
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    newuser15 wrote: »
    I guess the only reason I did this time is because she was secretive over it...

    I'm thinking that if she really had something to hide on it that she would have it password protected i.e. the screen locks when not in use?


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    #6
    Betty Bloggs
    Registered Users Posts: 274 ✭✭Betty Bloggs


    I find it a bit odd that she is usually secretive with her phone but left it there alone with you whilst she went to the shop, then acted cool as a breeze when you told her you had looked at it. Like didn't even question you as to why just said,

    "it's pretty normal for people to look through their partners phones occasionally. "

    Part of me is wondering was she aware you were a bit curious/suspicious about her secrecy over the phone so left it there deliberately for you to look at, knowing you'd find nothing.

    I wouldn't be feeling so guilty either, her comment also says to me that she probably has looked through YOUR phone "occasionally" because she thinks it's pretty normal apparently.


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    #7
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    Betty Bloggs wrote: »
    Part of me is wondering was she aware you were a bit curious/suspicious about her secrecy over the phone so left it there deliberately for you to look at, knowing you'd find nothing

    I must say that this also occurred to me.


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    #8
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Bit extreme to consider calling it a day over this issue op. Curiosity got the better of you, you looked and found nothing, you told her and she's okay with it. Why you looked in the first place is the real issue; you must have had something nuggling away at you about something. Her hands are clean, are yours?


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    #9
    DeclanJWhite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭DeclanJWhite


    Great answer, Betty Bloggs.


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    #10
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    Betty Bloggs wrote: »
    I find it a bit odd that she is usually secretive with her phone but left it there alone with you whilst she went to the shop, then acted cool as a breeze when you told her you had looked at it. Like didn't even question you as to why just said,

    "it's pretty normal for people to look through their partners phones occasionally. "

    Part of me is wondering was she aware you were a bit curious/suspicious about her secrecy over the phone so left it there deliberately for you to look at, knowing you'd find nothing.

    I wouldn't be feeling so guilty either, her comment also says to me that she probably has looked through YOUR phone "occasionally" because she thinks it's pretty normal apparently.

    Her perceived secrecy perhaps!


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    #11
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    If she was so ok with it then chances are she has also looked at your phone.

    I would echo what others have said about the possibility she knew you could look at it and she purposely deleted anything that could land her in jot water.

    Now she looks like the cool, no f's given girlfriend when potentially she's being extremely sneaky.


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