Rural Living & Teenagers

Ms2011 · 03-03-2016 9:26pm

I wouldn't mind in the least driving my kids around when they're older, in fact I'd rather it so I had the peace of mind that they got to & from wherever they were going safely.

Sunny Dayz · 04-03-2016 2:21pm

Hi OP I grew up in the countryside (80's baby). In national school it was fine, we would see our school friends during the week, the odd time we would go to a friends house it would be organised by the mammies and we were lucky to live beside our gran so when cousins came to visit her, we would get to play with them.

When we were teens, mum didn't drive til I was about 15. Up until then, I had to arrange in advance if I was going to see friends after school in advance, and couldn't get a lift home until dad finished work at 6. If I wanted to see friends at the weekend, I had to get a lift to town with my dad before 9am and couldn't get back home until he was finished at 6. Things like cinema either a friend's parent did the driving or I had to give dad plenty of notice to be about (he farms in the evening).

When my mam started driving it was a big help, however yes there was a good bit of taxiing about and things had to be timed when we were meeting friends. If I was going to a friends house I still had to give a time in advance to be collected, not just heading home whenever. Got a mobile when I was 16, that was a bit more of a help but my parents didn't have one.

When I hit 18 and started going out, my parents wouldn't let me get a taxi home on my own (10 mins drive). So I had to arrange to be collected from a night out. Good for sobering you up! Think I wasn't allowed get taxis home til about 19, at that stage I was working and socialising with older people.

I felt after growing up in the country, I hadn't much freedom or independence. I went to university in Dublin and it was such a change, I could go wherever, whenever!! I did lose the run of myself, excess drinking and promiscuity.

I now have a child of my own and didn't want to live in the sticks, preferred either in a village or a small town. We live in an estate on the outskirts of a small town. I like that my son has the independence to go outside and play with the neighbouring kids, also he's an only child. When he goes to secondary school he will be able to walk or cycle himself and meet up with his friends.

Hollister11 · 06-03-2016 12:23am

Why would teens get in a hump about there parents giving them lifts. I love that my mam and dad will drop and collect me from where ever, whenever no question and im 20.

I make my own way to and from college obviously. But when i was working over the christmas period, my dad use to drop me when i was working early mornings, and my mum use to collect me when i was working evenings and nights. I got dropped and collected on sundays due to awkared bus times. Sure i get lifts to football training as well. My parents don't even like me getting taxi's when i go out.

I'm learning how to drive at the moment, but I wont be able to drive as i can't afford the insurance, especially with prices going up.

sillysu · 14-03-2016 6:08pm

Ms2011 wrote: »

As someone who is moving to a rural village next year with a 5 & 2 year old this scares the bejayus out of me

I'm in the same boat Ms2011. We are moving from an estate in a city to the countryside in the next year or so and I too am very nervous. I am a city girl, but my OH is from the countryside and wants to move back to build on land he has there. Nearest big town is about 4 miles away, not that that bothers me much because we have cars. My main worry is the kids. I have 4 boys and at the moment, aged from 9 down to 2 and they can come and go to their friends as they please. In the country, they'll have to be transported everywhere. I don't mind doing my fair share, but not everyday especially in summer holidays. One thing I will look forward to is more space in the house and garden than what we have now. Also, there are a few neighbours who would be a bad influence on my kids where we are now, so wouldn't mind getting away from them. It really is going to be a big change, hopefully it'll be the right decision to move. Any more advice from people living in the country with kids?

Ms2011 · 14-03-2016 9:21pm

Hi Sillysu, I was actually stalking the thread you started in PI about this topic

Both me & my husband are from Dublin estates but always had the dream of moving to the countryside, got a great deal on a big house with land so we are chuffed with that, my only reservation, like you are the kids.
My son is 4 now but is already used to going out in the summer to play with the kids on the road (under supervision) & he's really very social, I really do fear he will miss that greatly If we can't recreate something similar when we move. My daughter is only 11 months now so she won't really know anything else but she will need the same as my son in time.
I've lived where we live now all my life & know only too well the bad influences around here especially as the kids get older so I'm eager to get them somewhere with a bit more sense of community & a few less temptations.
I just fear my kids ever regretting our decision.

sillysu · 15-03-2016 10:38am

Well, my two older boys are well used to just going out the door and meeting up with friends outside and even in the winter, when they can't be outside, they call to their houses and visa versa and there's no big deal about it, ie organising playdates and having to feed them etc, they just come and go as they please. So they will probably miss that when we move. However, when we go and visit their grandmother, which is beside where we'd be building, I ask them what would they think of living around that area and they seem happy enough with it. I'm not 100% sure of how far the nearest kids their age would live from us, but it's definitely not just next door. There's only a few elderly neighbours directly beside us. Aaaagh, so hard to weigh up the pros and cons, but from the posts on this thread, they mostly seem to be positive about rural living. Time will tell!!!!

happywithlife · 01-04-2016 1:18pm

I am rural based with my children. Love it. They've a huge garden to play in and over the years birthdays have provided them with trampoline swing set (hopefully to be replaced with climbing frame sooner rather than later) goalposts bikes tractors etc. TThey've ample toys to choose from. Can cross the road to play with neighbours kids or we arrange play dates for them. It's the norm and no hassle. Over the easter for example my son went to a play date while daughter had a friend over and they also had a mural friend over to play another day.
I do find the GAA is huge though - I've gone from not having a clue to coaching underage teams as my kids progress through the system. Lots of parents do the same - and we're not fanatical GAA families - I've never been to a county game couldn't tell you plays on the county team but I'm very involved at the children's level. This does open them up to a wider social network to be sure.
I'd be of the thinking as the children get older they can cycle to training etc - we bring them out on the roads to cycle to get them road wise re safety etc but I will definitely hold off on them driving on their own for as long as I can - they will have to provide car first as I know firsthand how young adults / teens can be foolish in their driving habits - even the "good ones" . I've always been of the opinion I will be that parent collecting them from the disco/nite club as I will know they will get home safely and I hope act more responsibly as they know I will be the one collecting them.
My sister lives in a small village and is currently plagued with preteens ringing the doorbell throwing eggs at the house etc. Give me country living any day

RyanDrive · 10-01-2017 10:58pm

As a young person who grew up (and is still living) in a one off house rurally I'd advise everyone not to do it. All through school, while all my friends were playing their estates and hanging out with their friends, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no freedom to do anything. It's really isolating and quite selfish of any parent to decide to live somewhere a car's drive away from anything else.

Sunny Dayz · 11-01-2017 12:56pm

RyanDrive wrote: »

As a young person who grew up (and is still living) in a one off house rurally I'd advise everyone not to do it. All through school, while all my friends were playing their estates and hanging out with their friends, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no freedom to do anything. It's really isolating and quite selfish of any parent to decide to live somewhere a car's drive away from anything else.

That's a bit harsh. Living in the countryside is quite manageable with teenagers nowadays as all will have mobile phones (trying to get good broadband can be a challenge depending on where you live). Once you don't mind driving here, there and everywhere it can be done.
Back in my day we didn't have mobiles and only had one car for the person who worked full time. My parents decided to live in the country to be near family and so my father could farm part time.

BeardySi · 11-01-2017 2:38pm

RyanDrive wrote: »

As a young person who grew up (and is still living) in a one off house rurally I'd advise everyone not to do it. All through school, while all my friends were playing their estates and hanging out with their friends, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no freedom to do anything. It's really isolating and quite selfish of any parent to decide to live somewhere a car's drive away from anything else.

Selfish? God love ya, it's so hard....

Grew up in the country - I'd walk, cycle or hitch my way to friends, the nearest village, the lake, the pitch, the pub (in later years!;)) etc. If I wanted to go out at the weekend I'd stay with mates in town on a Friday or Saturday. Made plenty of use of the mum and dad taxi service, but tried not to over-rely. Would have taken that over city living any day of the week then and still feel the same.

John_Rambo · 12-01-2017 12:11am

Treadhead wrote: »

Selfish? God love ya, it's so hard....

That's a young persons honest opinion on the subject. He/she made a fairly decent, mature, grown up comparison between his/her experiences against her/his peers that grew up in more populated communities. She/he wasn't dismissive or sarcastic about it. Maybe you could take a leaf out of his/her book and engage likewise. Her/his experience shouldn't be discounted with a "god love ya" attitude, your kids might have a similar view in years to come.

Treadhead wrote: »

Grew up in the country - I'd walk, cycle or hitch my way to friends, the nearest village, the lake, the pitch, the pub (in later years!;)) etc. If I wanted to go out at the weekend I'd stay with mates in town on a Friday or Saturday. Made plenty of use of the mum and dad taxi service, but tried not to over-rely. Would have taken that over city living any day of the week then and still feel the same.

Would you encourage young children to walk, cycle or hitch on today's rural roads?

RyanDrive · 12-01-2017 12:37am

Treadhead wrote: »

Selfish? God love ya, it's so hard....

Grew up in the country - I'd walk, cycle or hitch my way to friends, the nearest village, the lake, the pitch, the pub (in later years!;)) etc. If I wanted to go out at the weekend I'd stay with mates in town on a Friday or Saturday. Made plenty of use of the mum and dad taxi service, but tried not to over-rely. Would have taken that over city living any day of the week then and still feel the same.

I don't know what era you grew up in. It's not realistic to expect a young person to walk/cycle along dark country roads (most of which have a speed limit of 80 km/hr) during the dark hours ( which are most evenings of the year).

Another thing that parents who want to live like this seem to ignore is their own share of entertaining kids. I know from personal experience it's embarrassing to have spent so much time in other people's houses and never have them over to mine (due to the impracticality of them getting there and the fact we'd be trapped there for the day aswell).

It's even worse once you it drinking age. Taxi's, as everyone knows are scarce enough around most towns (I don't know why, surely there's a lot of demand) so the temptation to drive the car (that the rural parents seem to insist is the epitome of freedom and independence) home from the pub or the party (I've never done it but I know plenty of rural young people who have) is fairly high.

Just such a lonely existence.

sillysu · 12-01-2017 10:20pm

RyanDrive wrote: »

As a young person who grew up (and is still living) in a one off house rurally I'd advise everyone not to do it. All through school, while all my friends were playing their estates and hanging out with their friends, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no freedom to do anything. It's really isolating and quite selfish of any parent to decide to live somewhere a car's drive away from anything else.

Thanks for your input RyanDrive. Good to hear both sides, but can I ask you if you had any siblings growing up and how far were you from your nearest friend/neighbour. I have 4 boys who I think will be company for each other when they are not with their other friends. Also, from what I've found out, the nearest kids are less than 500 meters away. The town is about 4 miles away which has lots of amenities and local clubs etc. Would that still sound unappealing to you?? I'd be grateful for your honest opinion.

RyanDrive · 13-01-2017 12:09am

sillysu wrote: »

Thanks for your input RyanDrive. Good to hear both sides, but can I ask you if you had any siblings growing up and how far were you from your nearest friend/neighbour. I have 4 boys who I think will be company for each other when they are not with their other friends. Also, from what I've found out, the nearest kids are less than 500 meters away. The town is about 4 miles away which has lots of amenities and local clubs etc. Would that still sound unappealing to you?? I'd be grateful for your honest opinion.

Sure, no problem and I'll give you my whole experience so excuse the length. I had two younger brothers, one five years younger than me and one 8 years younger than me. We fought like cats and dogs to be honest, because we were always in each others faces as we were all stuck at home so much. I remember desperately trying to convince my at the time 5 year old and 8 year old brother to play football with me. Bear in mind I was 13 at the time, so obviously much more advanced than them. Inevitably they'd get sick of me bossing them around fairly quick and I'd be sitting there thinking - "I would give anything to have some people in or around my own age to hang out with".

Our house is about 3 miles out from the town where the clubs, amenities and primary and secondary school are. I think a lot of parents think that the clubs and that will be the be all and end all and I did football and karate for most of my youth. However you have to bear in mind these only take up an hour each on a weekday (an then maybe matches on the weekend). So there is still so much more time to fill! Also you will obviously be driving to all these things so think of the logisitics of that - my mother's schedule was on a given day:

2.00 Collect my brother from primary school
3.00 Collect my other brother from primary school
3.40 Collect me from school
4.30 Bring younger brother to activities
5.30 Collect brother
6.00 Bring other brother to activities
7.00 Collect brother.
8.00 Bring me to football.
9.00 Collect me from football.

Add in everything else: friend's houses, needing to get something out of the shop, needing to collect something early, making dinner etc. Just basically on the road all the time and it was a particular stress point between all members of my family, in particular between the parents. Add in the fact that once you hit about 11 you're absolutely mortified to have to be driven to somewhere by your mother/father.

Something that people also forget about clubs is that one of the most important parts of childhood/teen development that you may have read about is unstructured play, (without supervision of adults). I was never able to do anything without being under supervision - football training was instructed by the manager, if I brought a friend over my parents would be supervising it (because it wasn't like we could go anywhere), etc.

This lack of freedom and independence was bad for my parents as well. Because the five of us were constantly in close quarters, whenever there was a row (as I'm sure you know is inevitable with teens), we couldn't go anywhere to walk and cool down and relax for a few minutes.It really did (and due to unfortunate circumstances that mean I'm still at home) and still does drive me insane.

When they start coming into teenage years and drinking and all it gets even worse and more stifling (and actually dangerous).

Overall, I really think it's such a lonely existence. I could go on for a few pages to be honest. What's more important to a young person than interacting with their peers and having freedom? I obviously don't know your reasons for moving but I just can't see how any parent would think it's a good idea. I really think I missed out not living in a estate or at least within walking distance of a town. So much wasted time.

I'm sorry for sounding so negative, but that's my honest opinion and experience of living about 3 miles out from the town in the countryside. I can't think of any time I was ever really happy there at all.Maybe others had better experiences. If you mind me asking what advantages do you see in living there? Is it set in stone?

sillysu · 13-01-2017 2:22pm

RyanDrive wrote: »

I'm sorry for sounding so negative, but that's my honest opinion and experience of living about 3 miles out from the town in the countryside. I can't think of any time I was ever really happy there at all.Maybe others had better experiences. If you mind me asking what advantages do you see in living there? Is it set in stone?

Nothing is set in stone yet, only planning has gone in, but we are veering towards moving to the countryside. TBH, my OH is more keen to move than me, but I do see the advantages of moving for example, less temptations and bad influences in the countryside. I'm not saying the countryside is totally innocent, but such things are less accessible there. In the estate we live in now, there are few rough neighbours which I try to keep my boys away from but it is hard when they are all out on the street.

Also the idea of a bigger house and garden is hugely appealing for them and myself. Our current house is built on at the side, so no side entrance, so bikes, football gear etc have to be dragged through the house and the house itself is just getting too small to accommodate us all. To find a bigger house in the city would be far to expensive.

I do understand what you are saying about day to day visiting friends won't be as easy as it is in an estate, where they can come and go as they please and that would be my main and probably only concern, but like I said before, the nearest kids are not too far away for them to make their own way to them, when they are a little older and myself and OH really have no problem driving them places. We even do it now when we are living in an urban area.

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your childhood in the countryside and I hope that if we do move, that our boys will be happy. Thanks again for your input and I'll take it on board.

RyanDrive · 13-01-2017 5:52pm

sillysu wrote: »

Nothing is set in stone yet, only planning has gone in, but we are veering towards moving to the countryside. TBH, my OH is more keen to move than me, but I do see the advantages of moving for example, less temptations and bad influences in the countryside. I'm not saying the countryside is totally innocent, but such things are less accessible there. In the estate we live in now, there are few rough neighbours which I try to keep my boys away from but it is hard when they are all out on the street.

Also the idea of a bigger house and garden is hugely appealing for them and myself. Our current house is built on at the side, so no side entrance, so bikes, football gear etc have to be dragged through the house and the house itself is just getting too small to accommodate us all. To find a bigger house in the city would be far to expensive.

I do understand what you are saying about day to day visiting friends won't be as easy as it is in an estate, where they can come and go as they please and that would be my main and probably only concern, but like I said before, the nearest kids are not too far away for them to make their own way to them, when they are a little older and myself and OH really have no problem driving them places. We even do it now when we are living in an urban area.

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your childhood in the countryside and I hope that if we do move, that our boys will be happy. Thanks again for your input and I'll take it on board.

Fair enough, good luck with it. Maybe you can post back in ten years and let us know how you got on!

afkasurfjunkie · 13-01-2017 7:26pm

RyanDrive wrote: »

Sure, no problem and I'll give you my whole experience so excuse the length. I had two younger brothers, one five years younger than me and one 8 years younger than me. We fought like cats and dogs to be honest, because we were always in each others faces as we were all stuck at home so much. I remember desperately trying to convince my at the time 5 year old and 8 year old brother to play football with me. Bear in mind I was 13 at the time, so obviously much more advanced than them. Inevitably they'd get sick of me bossing them around fairly quick and I'd be sitting there thinking - "I would give anything to have some people in or around my own age to hang out with".

Our house is about 3 miles out from the town where the clubs, amenities and primary and secondary school are. I think a lot of parents think that the clubs and that will be the be all and end all and I did football and karate for most of my youth. However you have to bear in mind these only take up an hour each on a weekday (an then maybe matches on the weekend). So there is still so much more time to fill! Also you will obviously be driving to all these things so think of the logisitics of that - my mother's schedule was on a given day:

2.00 Collect my brother from primary school
3.00 Collect my other brother from primary school
3.40 Collect me from school
4.30 Bring younger brother to activities
5.30 Collect brother
6.00 Bring other brother to activities
7.00 Collect brother.
8.00 Bring me to football.
9.00 Collect me from football.

Add in everything else: friend's houses, needing to get something out of the shop, needing to collect something early, making dinner etc. Just basically on the road all the time and it was a particular stress point between all members of my family, in particular between the parents. Add in the fact that once you hit about 11 you're absolutely mortified to have to be driven to somewhere by your mother/father.

Something that people also forget about clubs is that one of the most important parts of childhood/teen development that you may have read about is unstructured play, (without supervision of adults). I was never able to do anything without being under supervision - football training was instructed by the manager, if I brought a friend over my parents would be supervising it (because it wasn't like we could go anywhere), etc.

This lack of freedom and independence was bad for my parents as well. Because the five of us were constantly in close quarters, whenever there was a row (as I'm sure you know is inevitable with teens), we couldn't go anywhere to walk and cool down and relax for a few minutes.It really did (and due to unfortunate circumstances that mean I'm still at home) and still does drive me insane.

When they start coming into teenage years and drinking and all it gets even worse and more stifling (and actually dangerous).

Overall, I really think it's such a lonely existence. I could go on for a few pages to be honest. What's more important to a young person than interacting with their peers and having freedom? I obviously don't know your reasons for moving but I just can't see how any parent would think it's a good idea. I really think I missed out not living in a estate or at least within walking distance of a town. So much wasted time.

I'm sorry for sounding so negative, but that's my honest opinion and experience of living about 3 miles out from the town in the countryside. I can't think of any time I was ever really happy there at all.Maybe others had better experiences. If you mind me asking what advantages do you see in living there? Is it set in stone?

That's the opinion of one person who didn't enjoy the rural life. 3 miles out from town is nothing really distance-wise.

I wasn't going to post at all because I was based 4 miles from town and I felt we had the best of both worlds. The space and quietness of country living is lovely. You can go about your business in front and behind your house without being heard or overlooked. I'm always paranoid that my next door neighbours can hear every word I say out the back on a fine day (I live in town now, but we intend to live in my home house in the future, my parents are still hearty and healthy)

Primary school was in the nearby village, school friends lived near enough to walk or cycle to. There was no panic for school places. Room for everybody. Secondary school in the nearby town. School bus collected and brought us home practically to the door.

Lovely sense of community. We head out there still for Christmas lights being turned on in the village every year and to bring our son to the lovely little playground that was built since I left. I learned to ride my bike and rollerblade in our yard and we played hurling in the field next door and built forts and huts under bushes and in trees and had room for a dog. I learned to amuse myself on rainy, wet days reading, baking, music, internet! etc. and I went for long country walks in the autumn as a teenager.

The only disadvantages I'd say really is that my parents find the mowing of the large lawn quite difficult now and the house is nearly too big for the two of them.
So contrary to the other poster I had an idyllic youth growing up in the country. We were close enough to the services of the town while having the tranquillity and easy going lifestyle of the country.

Rural Living & Teenagers

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