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Out Of ''Dating Game'' and confused

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  • 19-06-2008 10:05am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello there. Sorry if you get posts like this every day, but any help would be most welcome.
    I would be classed as a ''shy'' guy, I last had a girlfriend last year, and literally haven't been out since. Anyway now it's the summer I decided it's high time I got a girlfriend. I asked a girl out to the cinema, but now I find it's been so long I actually forget what to do!
    How do I know it's a date?
    And also if it is a date, I'm going to be completely useless at knowing what to do (do I do anything?) and when to do it et cetera.
    Any help, as I have previously mentioned, is most welcome.


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    #2
    Shelllz
    Registered Users Posts: 38 ✭Shelllz


    Well If you asked the girl out then i'd class it as a date! Just relax and enjoy it!


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    #3
    RedXIV
    Registered Users Posts: 8,408 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    For starters, use the search function and read over some of the other threads about this subject. notably "eternally single" that was here yesterday.

    Also, don't stress, if you stress, it's not going to come across as the best impression.

    Being shy is something you're going to have to work on, some girls do like the shy guy but you've 10 times more options if you decided to ask people out. Which in hindsight, you did so fair play.

    Cinema is kinda an awkward first date because there is no interaction between ye unless the movie is over (or crap). In your shoes, i would go to the cinema and maybe suggest a drink or two afterwards, just to chat. thats it. Chat about the movie or your lives or anything, but make sure you chat to her as if she's a normal person, an equal and not some goddess, this doesn't work.

    If she doesn't want to come out for drinks afterwards, you have a small period of time to convince her you are fun enough to go out with again, so make it count. Be nice, be genuine and be respectful. and if you think you can pull it off, be cheeky enough to ask for a kiss at the end of the night "what, after bringing you out i don't even get a kiss goodbye?" acknowledges your intentions, doesn't put her under too much pressure (if she says no, then say when can you meet up again to claim that kiss) and if she kisses you, chances are you're on to a winner.

    Best of luck

    Red


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The only thing is, I mean when I say I asked her out - it was ''Ah I haven't seen you in ages'', and then I asked her would sher like to go out, and she suggested the cinema, so I don't really know what the situation is!
    And another thing is, I don't drink and I'm not into going to bars etc., so I mean there's very few options!


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    #5
    RedXIV
    Registered Users Posts: 8,408 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    well the fact she openly suggested something is a good sign, means she isn't just going along because you asked her.

    Go out with the intention of just having fun. Also, if you don't want to go to a bar or anything, thats grand, but find something that the two of you can do together that will involve interaction. the bar is easy because all you can do is talk. thats why it's a popular option. if she drinks, bring her to a quiet one where ye can just catch up. or offer her a dinner?


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    #6
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    RedXIV wrote: »
    w
    bring her to a quiet one where ye can just catch up. or offer her a dinner?

    I'd suggest maybe coffee's or something

    dinner can be a bit intense for a first date
    imo


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    #7
    RedXIV
    Registered Users Posts: 8,408 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    ntlbell wrote: »
    I'd suggest maybe coffee's or something

    dinner can be a bit intense for a first date
    imo

    True, but when he said "Ah i haven't seen you in ages!" sounds like they have history. you can get away with alot when you have history :D


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    #8
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    RedXIV wrote: »
    True, but when he said "Ah i haven't seen you in ages!" sounds like they have history. you can get away with alot when you have history :D

    Possibly,

    especially if the history involved the toilet's of fancy bistro's :o

    On a more serious note, how much history have you got? are you old friends? was there a spark before? does she seem keen?


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    #9
    Gross Halfwit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 451 ✭✭Gross Halfwit


    Go to the movie, be funny & interesting. Ask her things about herself & what she's been up to. It has been ages afterall. Remember she suggested the cinema ... she could of easily suggested a night out wit all your mtual friends you know but she suggested something on your own. That hints at intimacy ... you know ... or theres a movie she really wants to see!

    After the movie go to a bar (you dont have to drink) or a cafe & talk. If you get the inclination that she may be into you then when you're parting ways ask her out again this time on a date-date. Like dinner. And be careful how you phrase it. Dont say "so, we should meet up again ..."

    Say " So, would you like to go out for dinner ..." If she says yes then kiss her, lips/cheek, whatever feels natural & then feck off.

    Some other general pointers ...

    Be Confident
    Be Fun
    Be Interested
    Be Relaxed
    Be Gone

    Good luck
    Skiddoosh!


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    #10
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Gross Halfwit wrote: »

    Some other general pointers ...

    Be Confident
    Be Fun
    Be Interested
    Be Relaxed
    Be Gone

    Good luck
    Skiddoosh!

    you make it sound very simple...

    for someone "out of the game"

    it's not very easy to be all the above it takes time and practice and a lot of hard work...


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ok, that's a meet with an old friend not a date as such.

    Cinema is a crap date idea anyways. (not your idea, I know but for future reference)

    So as the guys suggested try a coffee or somethin for an hour first so that you guys have a chance to chat.

    So be relaxed, an act as though you are hanging out with an old friend, because that's what you are doing but yu can still subtly test the waters.

    RedXIV's suggestion of "what, after bringing you out i don't even get a kiss goodbye?" is a disaster, no offense mate, it looks like you paid for it, there's a name for girls that do that sort of thing, so while some may kiss you, cause they feel under pressure, but they won't call you back.

    OP try watch for the signs that she's interested in you, like prolonged eye contact and giggling like school girl. You can let her know you are interested, by flirting a little and prolonging any contact that may occour.

    Good luck and enjoy your evening.


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    #12
    Kirnsy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 970 ✭✭✭Kirnsy


    your already back in the game!!

    BE YOURSELF MAN!

    cinema is grand but you dont exactly get much talking done...it is more 'date-like' than a coffee and the fact that she suggested it is very positive.

    gluck!


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yeah see that's my main problem, I just don't know if it's a ''date'' and how to approach it.
    ...And in response to RedXIV, there is some history, I mean, we did some volunteering together last summer, and I have really fancied her since. We've stayed in touch (texts, msn etc), but I've only seen her once, at Xmas, when it was a big group get-together type thing.


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    #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 15,814 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I know the feeling op. Finally built up the courage to talk to a girl I've liked for awhile last Saturday and spent awhile talking to her. Met her again the next night and we talked again and as I was leaving I asked her for her number. She said we should go to the cinema or something one of the nights. Text her Monday to say hey and arrange something. She said it would be cool and we should go to the cinema Thursday. Anyway everything was going fine till yesterday she texts me to say would I mind if we didn't go to the cinema as she was thinking about it and isn't really looking for anything at the minute.


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    #15
    RedXIV
    Registered Users Posts: 8,408 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    Reformed AFC wrote: »
    RedXIV's suggestion of "what, after bringing you out i don't even get a kiss goodbye?" is a disaster, no offense mate, it looks like you paid for it, there's a name for girls that do that sort of thing, so while some may kiss you, cause they feel under pressure, but they won't call you back.

    None taken, each to their own, what works for me won't necessarily work for the next guy.

    Ottov wrote:
    ...And in response to RedXIV, there is some history, I mean, we did some volunteering together last summer, and I have really fancied her since. We've stayed in touch (texts, msn etc), but I've only seen her once, at Xmas, when it was a big group get-together type thing.


    i'm not sure what to make of this, if i was into a girl and we were texting and on msn, i would have arranged to meet up well before now, make my intentions clear etc. Is there alot of physical distance between the two of your homes?


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    #16
    Gross Halfwit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 451 ✭✭Gross Halfwit


    ntlbell wrote: »
    you make it sound very simple...

    for someone "out of the game"

    it's not very easy to be all the above it takes time and practice and a lot of hard work...

    It's more simple than you think.

    Be Confident - Find what you are good at & do it on the date ... even if it's bowling!

    Be Fun - Make jokes, laugh, smile ... everyone can do at least one of those.

    Be Interested - Ask questions about HER & what she's geting up to. It's easier to be interested than interesting. It's only questions & nodding.

    Be Relaxed - Pick a place you know well. Favourite bar, restaurant etc. You're essentially i nyour comfort zone. You know where the bathrooms are, you know how to interact with the staff etc.

    Be Gone - Does exactly what it says on the tin ... Stay long enough to make your ultimate intentions clear but leave before they want you to.

    Doesnt take too much practice!

    Fair enough he's been out of the game fora while but he knows this girl, they talk often from what I gather sothey will have a myriad of in-jokes & shared experiences. A date, especially a irst date , can be daunting but some factors t b considered here is that he sggested eeting up, she made a definite date at that moment. She digs him, even if it's just as a friend at the moment. He's got his foot in the door so to speak.

    The main prob that OTTOV has is that he doesnt know if it's a date or not. Err on the sde of caution so. Treat it as just a friends thing but at the same time trow in some innocent flirting.

    If all goes well then I'm sure you will meet up again & again & so on! Theres no need to rush is there?


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    #17
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    RedXIV wrote: »
    i'm not sure what to make of this, if i was into a girl and we were texting and on msn, i would have arranged to meet up well before now, make my intentions clear etc. Is there alot of physical distance between the two of your homes?
    No, I just got caught up in exams, and she was away in Africa for a month too, so I didn't get a chance to ask her out.
    So people are saying it's not a date then?


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