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What do you make of this?

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  • 20-06-2008 7:00pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, just wondering what you think of this, any advice, how would you deal with it, or is it even something to deal with? Even what you make of it, I'm open to seeing what others think.

    I am going through a fair bit at the moment, it can get very difficult at times, but then there are times when I'm grand. So am going to councelling to work through some stuff.
    I told my friends that I am in councelling, just because of the difficult times it makes it hard to socialise, just so they wouldn't think that I'm pulling away from them. I never show them the down side of me, so I am usually bright and bubbly and sociable. (Not a misery guts!)

    This is what is bothering me. I found it difficult saying that I was getting help, a bit teary and that, so obviously they would have seen I was a bit distressed, but since I have told them there has been no support from them. I am not the type to dump my problems on people, and would never be the 'needy' friend, I wouldn't dream of ever saying why I'm going for help etc as it is very private, wouldn't want them judging me, and I wouldn't want that kind of a burden on them, but if any of them came to me with a problem, or said that they were having a difficult time, I would without question say to them, whether they had intentions or not of confiding in me, I would let them know that I am there for them, to give them support, or company, or if they ever wanted to talk.

    I am in a bit of a vunerable way at the moment, so I'm not sure what to make of this at all. I feel very hurt that there has been nothing back from them. I told two of them together, and the conversation was changed immediately after I said what I had to say, and I told the other by text because I didn't want to tear up again, and she acted as if I hadn't sent it at all.

    I'm trying very hard not to, but I feel like I have been abandoned when I really need support the most. Now I just feel very insecure about the situation.

    What do people make of this? I'm wondering do some people just not know how to handle these kinds of things? Is that what it is, that my friends don't mean anything by it and just don't know what to say? Am I just being over-sensitive at the moment? Any response really appreciated. Thank you in advance.


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    #2
    geminilady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 273 ✭✭geminilady


    what i would take of it is perhaps they feel they dont know what to say sometimes people just try to avoid talking about stuff perhaps they dont think they can handle the conversation. But saying that they shouldnt have just completely ignored your text and changed the conversation.
    Well done on seeing a counsellor it will get better and make sure to focus on yourself. try not to spend too much time worrying about them but focus your attention on YOU.
    Take care


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    #3
    sobriquet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 413 ✭✭sobriquet


    Hi OP. A while ago I went through some Serious Traumatic Stuff and like yourself had to put my life on hold to try and get it sorted.

    A lot of my friends, whilst supportive in a general sense, simply didn't know what to make of it or how to approach it. Most people don't, I think, unless you've been through it, if you've experience of such things. I found people will tend to withdraw simply as a result of not knowing what to say or how to act, or for fear of saying or doing something inappropriate.

    I'd say that this depends on your friends, their age and maturity and ability to empathise. That two of them simply changed the subject suggests they didn't know how to respond. The fact that you're generally stoic (like myself) will likely lead people to think sure you're ok, you don't like to be bothered with these things. (It's somewhat self-serving, but I wouldn't regard it as being malign at all.) In that case, if you want to open up to them you'll need to take the initiative.

    In the absence of evidence that they're just asshats, it's probably nothing more than this.

    Best of luck with what you're going through, hope it works out.


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    #4
    who's yer one?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 106 ✭✭who's yer one?


    they might simply think that if you want to talk to them about anything, you'll bring it up.
    if you're all bubbly and happy around them, they might not want to bring it up, in csaae it bums you out talking about it (not in a 'don't harsh our mellow' way, just that they see you enjoying yourself and they might want to let you get on with it)
    i doubt this is in any way 'we don't give a toss' or anything, if there's anyone you're particularly close with, maybe youd could bring it up to them?

    xxx


  • Options
    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks very much lads for the replies, that makes me feel much, much better. Thank you! :)


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