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Can't Settle

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  • 19-06-2008 1:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi. I am going through hell right now (well for a long time, but its at its worst now) and Im bringing my long term GF with me. The thing is, I dont know what to do with myself or where to go. Im 31 now and cant make my mind up about anything. I have complained to my GF almost every day over the past 7 years since meeting her.
    I lasted one day at a new job last week and quit. I have not been able to settle into anything. All my friends are married and content. I just want to be content.
    I get panic attacks about the thought of settling down.
    Why is this. I cant remember the last time I genuinly smiled with happiness.
    Its complete torcher. Im ruining my life and hers. Should I let her go and be free from all this?
    Any advice


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    #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    confused77 wrote: »
    Im 31 now and cant make my mind up about anything.

    Examples?
    I have complained to my GF almost every day over the past 7 years since meeting her.

    Complained about what?
    I lasted one day at a new job last week and quit.

    Why?
    I have not been able to settle into anything.

    Have you thought about why that is?
    All my friends are married and content.

    You think being married = content?
    Sometimes it is, sometimes not. You don't know what it's like for your friends nor should it matter.
    This is your life and you don't have to be married to be content.
    I just want to be content.

    Then quit melting your head and looking at other peoples lives.
    Decide what it is that you think will make you content and work towards that.
    I get panic attacks about the thought of settling down.
    Why is this.

    Donno. Have you thought about that? Is your g/f expecting you to settle down? Have you talked to her?
    I cant remember the last time I genuinly smiled with happiness.

    Well that's crap. Why aren't you happy?
    What do you think would make you smile with happiness?
    Are you one of those 'glass is half empty' people?
    Are your expections too high?
    Should I let her go and be free from all this?

    None of us know the answer to that question, but your g/f does. Ask her.


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    #3
    Gurlzie1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 57 ✭✭Gurlzie1


    Obviously your gf loves you, she has stuck by you for the past 7 years despite what you say about ruining your life and hers. She's able to decide for herself whether to stick around or not, she sees more in you than you see in yourself I think.

    Do you live with your gf?
    If so, then you kind of settled already aren't you? You don't have to be married to be content, it seems like you are in a stable long-term relationship - enjoy it for what it is and relax.
    Not all couples need to be married to be content, with the increasing amount of couples getting divorced that disproves that theory.

    As for the issues with work, I'm going through something similar. I hate my job and I want out but the problem was a few weeks ago I didn't know what kind of work I really wanted to get into or how to go about studying while working full time etc. My friends and bf were great inspiration to me, I asked them what kind of job they thought I'd be good at or wouldn't suit me and what my strengths/weaknesses were. With honest opinions I have a better idea of what I might be suited to. It was also a good confidence booster as I didn't have nearly as many weaknesses as I thought and I realsied that I'm capable of a lot more if I just focus and really try hard to get what I want.

    You need to just take a step back and analyse why you might be panicking and unable to make decisions.Is there pressure from other people around you or are you putting all the pressure on yourself? Talk to your gf about this rather than just complain to her about everything, she might be able to help because she has been with you for so long so she must know you very well also.


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    #4
    MJOR
    Registered Users Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    I think the above advice is good. You need to sit back and take stock of
    a. what you have
    b. what you want
    c.what you need
    d. and how to get there

    You're not alone in being indecisive many of us are.

    I think in the long run a bit of couples counselling might not go astray. You need to sort out your issues one by one as tackling them all head on will send you into meltdown
    Good Luck


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