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My Girlfriend and Her EX

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  • 29-07-2014 12:24pm
    #1
    Jordan537
    Registered Users Posts: 274 ✭✭


    So i have a girlfriend who i have been seeing and dating for around 4 months.

    the ex has been harrasing my girlfriend ever since i met her so one night i did go round to his house and warned him off.
    he still texts her on her birthday with happy birthday Darling, i miss you xxx

    i think she has still been texting him behind my back. Last night she was seen by a couple mates of mine sitting in the middle of nowhere with him in a car, talking.

    She knows that i no and i have been ignoring her, with just a text saying meet me after work tonight.

    i feel very hurt and upset that she is still talking to him behind my back and especially meeting up with him.

    what i want to know is what do i say to her tonight? i dont want to end it with her but i gave her a choice of its me or your ex, pick one and her reply was she wanted me.

    any ideas?

    Cheers.


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    #2
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Normally, I wouldn't agree with a 'him or me' attitude, but this guy is telling her he misses her and she still texts and sees him? If you've already given her a chance and she's still lying to you, it's time to end it. You said it was him or you. She chose him by going behind your back like that.

    She sounds quite young. Are you both teenagers? Sounds like she's loving getting attention from both of you.


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    #3
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Honestly if you have to ask someone to choose then surely they're not really choosing you, their hand is being forced. Find someone who wants you and only you. Its hard, believe me I know all too well, but why waste your time with someone who obviously has very little respect for you if she's still entertaining her ex like that.

    Also, next time don't go to exes houses and warn them off.


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    #4
    JeffKenna
    Registered Users Posts: 4,518 ✭✭✭JeffKenna


    Tasden wrote: »
    Honestly if you have to ask someone to choose then surely they're not really choosing you, their hand is being forced. Find someone who wants you and only you. Its hard, believe me I know all too well, but why waste your time with someone who obviously has very little respect for you if she's still entertaining her ex like that.

    Also, next time don't go to exes houses and warn them off.


    I'm afraid this relationship is over.


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    #5
    MugMugs
    Registered Users Posts: 17,875 ✭✭✭✭MugMugs


    JeffKenna wrote: »
    I'm afraid this relationship is over.

    +1

    Be grateful that it is too. This sounds like an epic amount of effort for a relationship.


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    #6
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    It sounds like both your girlfriend and her ex crave attention. And you, unwittingly are feeding that. She has two guys fawning over her from different angles so she's happy, he's managed to get under your skin to the point where you're knocking on his door, and (presumably) a positive reaction from her, so he's happy too.

    To be honest I've met people like this before, and the pattern generally doesn't change unless some kind of impasse is met. There are girls out there that would have far more respect for you than this.


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    #7
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Personally I wouldn't waste my time meeting her tonight. Seriously for what point? To be told either it's over or she will lie and say that she won't contact him again?

    Give yourself a break and head somewhere else where you can let your hair down and have some fun.


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    #8
    Rossin
    Registered Users Posts: 698 ✭✭✭Rossin


    This is your chance to walk away with your head held high, otherwise I guarantee you'll be going through the same crap a few months down the line, wondering why you didn't just listen to those internet people!


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    #9
    kjl
    Registered Users Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    Hi OP

    I would give her the benefit of the doubt and let her explain, there may have been some extenuating circumstances surrounding the meetup, but I would be very wary as if this was the case why wouldn't she tell you.

    TBH, I even felt a little hurt reading your post. So I can imagine you must be feeling devastated.

    I would hear her out but ultimately I would just make the decision for her. Tell her that you want to be with someone who only wants you and not someone who is still hung up on their ex.

    Tell her you don't like being hurt and looking like a fool and if she wants to take the relationship seriously then maybe give you a call in a few months when she's worked thing out with her ex.

    Be prepared for the worst, she may end up back with him but at least you will still have your dignity.


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    #10
    Jordan537
    Registered Users Posts: 274 ✭✭Jordan537


    so i met up with her last night and i explained she is to have no contact what so ever with her ex again, last chance. You cant get over somebody if your talking to them and checking them out on facebook all the time.

    she said she promises to not contact him again, and its me she wants!

    if i found out he has been contacted again she is down the road!

    simple!


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    #11
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Jordan537 wrote: »
    so i met up with her last night and i explained she is to have no contact what so ever with her ex again, last chance. You cant get over somebody if your talking to them and checking them out on facebook all the time.

    she said she promises to not contact him again, and its me she wants!

    if i found out he has been contacted again she is down the road!

    simple!

    Hopefully she doesn't just keep it hidden from you better this time and she is actually being honest. Best of luck


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was in similar situation OP. I was still in contact with my ex when I started going out with my current BF. But it wasnt entirely innocent, my ex was actively pursuing me and I still to this day dont know why I kept replying to him - it certainly wasnt an ego trip I can assure you and I definitely did not want to get back with him. I could see how disappointed my BF was. It upset him and made him very insecure. Not once did he demand that I stop talking to him. I did it myself. I blocked him off facebook, deleted his number after telling him contact was over and that was it. Back on track to happiness.

    I dont think you demanding she stop talking to him is going to work. Unless she sees the hurt shes causing you then I doubt she will stop on her own. A relationship shouldnt have to be like that IMO. Wish you the best anyway OP.


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