Post man Pat THE MOVIE !!!

robbie_998 · 07-10-2009 3:30pm #1

by susan boyle ??? WTF ???

Classic children's TV show Postman Pat is to be turned into a movie - with a plot inspired by Susan Boyle.

The big screen version of the programme will see the postman entering a Britain's Got Talent-type TV show where he discovers he has an amazing singing voice.

He then becomes an overnight sensation, just like the Scottish singer, and is looked after by a TV mogul based on Simon Cowell, reports the Daily Mirror.

Pat will then be forced to make a difficult decision between becoming an international singing superstar or carrying on delivering post to the villagers.

There's no details yet on whether he will lose out in the final of the contest to a dance act and then go into rehab.

Andrew Kerr of Classic Media, who are producing the film, told the paper: "It is going to be an exciting time for Pat's fans."

The film, which will feature computer-generated imagery and 3D effects, is due out in 2011.

What a bizarre concept for a movie! Do you think Pat will be a hit on the big screen?Classic children's TV show Postman Pat is to be turned into a movie - with a plot inspired by Susan Boyle.

speedboatchase · 07-10-2009 3:33pm

:eek:

Adamcp898 · 07-10-2009 3:35pm

The only Postman Pat movie you'll ever need

http://www.hellbored.com/videos/watch/be0209d78f6cb95b37867a39b9fd7846

mikom · 07-10-2009 3:39pm

You'll never guess what came through my letterbox the other day.
My postman.. the dirty baxtard.

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 3:41pm

They should have made it a serious movie: Postman Pat gets busted by Customs for smuggling in Budmail packages. He gets sent down for 15 years, but good behaviour and a stark 20 minute long rape scene, where Pat is assaulted with a broom handle, leads to his release. Angry and bitter, he goes on a quest for revenge. But first, he will need to get his faithful sidekick Jess back, who has turned to a seedy life of crack addiction and cheap thrills since his incarceration..

Turd Ferguson · 07-10-2009 3:43pm

God I hate Susan Boyle. Why can't she just marry a footballler, get in fights at nightclubs and die of a drugs overdose like regular fame hungry women

phasers · 07-10-2009 3:45pm

I was wondering why Postman Pat was in so many ads recently

ShooterSF · 07-10-2009 3:47pm

DarkJager wrote: »

They should have made it a serious movie: Postman Pat gets busted by Customs for smuggling in Budmail packages. He gets sent down for 15 years, but good behaviour and a stark 20 minute long rape scene, where Pat is assaulted with a broom handle, leads to his release. Angry and bitter, he goes on a quest for revenge. But first, he will need to get his faithful sidekick Jess back, who has turned to a seedy life of crack addiction and cheap thrills since his incarceration..

I would watch this.

Turd Ferguson · 07-10-2009 3:50pm

DarkJager wrote: »

They should have made it a serious movie: Postman Pat gets busted by Customs for smuggling in Budmail packages. He gets sent down for 15 years, but good behaviour and a stark 20 minute long rape scene, where Pat is assaulted with a broom handle, leads to his release. Angry and bitter, he goes on a quest for revenge. But first, he will need to get his faithful sidekick Jess back, who has turned to a seedy life of crack addiction and cheap thrills since his incarceration..

Starring Steven Segal as Postman Pat, Jason Statham as Jess and Rob Schneider as the post van

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 3:52pm

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

Starring Steven Segal as Postman Pat, Jason Statham as Jess and Rob Schneider as the post van

Scarily enough, I also envisaged Steven Segal as the lead actor!

His immense performance and acting quality, his emotional depth and unrivalled ability would bring a new dimension to the troubled soul known as Postman Pat.

blueshark22 · 07-10-2009 3:57pm

robbie_998 wrote: »

by susan boyle ??? WTF ???

omg can't wait already!!!:):)

ShooterSF · 07-10-2009 3:58pm

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

Starring Steven Segal as Postman Pat, Jason Statham as Jess and Rob Schneider as the post van

I'd go with Halle Berry as Jess. She has experience and it adds a twisted love angle.

4zn76tysfajdxp · 07-10-2009 3:59pm

DarkJager wrote: »

They should have made it a serious movie: Postman Pat gets busted by Customs for smuggling in Budmail packages. He gets sent down for 15 years, but good behaviour and a stark 20 minute long rape scene, where Pat is assaulted with a broom handle, leads to his release. Angry and bitter, he goes on a quest for revenge. But first, he will need to get his faithful sidekick Jess back, who has turned to a seedy life of crack addiction and cheap thrills since his incarceration..

"Post mortem."

phasers · 07-10-2009 3:59pm

threads needs moar Pat porn

Kiith · 07-10-2009 4:02pm

Steven Segal is 'Postman Pat' - "Tell me something: how much mail can a dead Postman deliver?"

I can't wait!

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 4:03pm

ShooterSF wrote: »

I'd go with Halle Berry as Jess. She has experience and it adds a twisted love angle.

I'd say Whitney Houston - just to make the crack taking scenes look authentic

mikom · 07-10-2009 4:04pm

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

Rob Schneider as the post van

Rob Schneider derp da derp! Then, derp da derp ta tittily tum.

4zn76tysfajdxp · 07-10-2009 4:04pm

Kiith wrote: »

Steven Segal is 'Postman Pat' - "Tell me something: how much mail can a dead Postman deliver?"

I can't wait!

"I'll send your wife the telegram."

ShooterSF · 07-10-2009 4:09pm

DarkJager wrote: »

I'd say Whitney Houston - just to make the crack taking scenes look authentic

True. But has she ever played a cat in a feature lenght movie? Could be a risk...

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 4:11pm

ShooterSF wrote: »

True. But has she ever played a cat in a feature lenght movie? Could be a risk...

No but she was in the Bodyguard and did a pretty good impression of one.

CCCP^ · 07-10-2009 4:14pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvUZjEuK6tk

DazMarz · 07-10-2009 4:20pm

Postman Pat was a legend... END OF.

But they should do the typical American thing... let him go postal. Postman Pat and his M-4 doesnt have quite the same ring as 'Postman Pat and his black and white cat' but it makes for a helluva better action movie. Protecting the people of Greendale from the scum of the universe. Haha

Kiith · 07-10-2009 4:25pm

Postman Pat 2 - Postal Pat

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 4:25pm

DazMarz wrote: »

Postman Pat was a legend... END OF.

But they should do the typical American thing... let him go postal. Postman Pat and his M-4 doesnt have quite the same ring as 'Postman Pat and his black and white cat' but it makes for a helluva better action movie. Protecting the people of Greendale from the scum of the universe. Haha

Postman Pat, Postman Pat,
Solves disputes with his .44 gat,
Early in the morning,
As the scum are yawning,
Postman Pat is busy peeling caps.

Postman Pat, Postman Pat,
Listen out for the rat a tat tat,
When you see him coming,
You'd better get to running,
Or you'll end up chalked out on the path.

DazMarz · 07-10-2009 4:27pm

DarkJager wrote: »

Postman Pat, Postman Pat,
Solves disputes with his .44 gat,
Early in the morning,
As the scum are yawning,
Postman Pat is busy peeling caps.

Postman Pat, Postman Pat,
Listen out for the rat a tat tat,
When you see him coming,
You'd better get to running,
Or you'll end up chalked out on the path.

LMAO!!! I'm sorry, that is brilliant!!! I'm crying laughing! Cheers!!!

smk89 · 07-10-2009 4:48pm

Title idea:

Postman Pat: Redirect This!!

Explosives in the sorting office go off if the van delivers less than 100 letters per hour. Like speed, but more rediculous

Turd Ferguson · 07-10-2009 4:57pm

I'm not too sure how this would work...possibly in some sort of wierd Tron type way but Postman Pat vs E-Mail could be an awesome movie

ejmaztec · 07-10-2009 5:06pm

DarkJager wrote: »

Scarily enough, I also envisaged Steven Segal as the lead actor! His immense performance and acting quality, his emotional depth and unrivalled ability would bring a new dimension to the troubled soul known as Postman Pat.

Where do you envisage the pointless 90 minute gratuitously violent fight scene taking place? I'd go for the sorting office, in amongst the Colombian air-mail packages.

Kiith · 07-10-2009 5:28pm

Postman Pat 3 - Night of the Living Pat

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the hallway"

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 6:59pm

ejmaztec wrote: »

Where do you envisage the pointless 90 minute gratuitously violent fight scene taking place? I'd go for the sorting office, in amongst the Colombian air-mail packages.

Yes, most likely the climax to the movie. 90 minutes to fill with a checklist of the following:

Plenty of close up shots of Seagal (Pat) (shots of seagals hands and feet moving fast, slapping people etc)

A variety of the sorting office furniture being broken with people thrown through the air.

Hard rock version of Postman Pat theme tune kicking in in the background, as Seagal starts making vinegar stroke faces (to portray the sheer effort involved in his fighting skills)

Cringe inducing one liner for Seagal to deliver through gritted teeth once the last bad guy has been impaled on an inappropriately placed piece of piping: "You should really "sort" yourself out".

See, the epic fight scene will be easy. Its that 20 minute fixed angle broom handle sodomy shot that will be the tough one to plan out. It has to be PG after all

Jesus Wept · 07-10-2009 7:02pm

DarkJager wrote: »

They should have made it a serious movie: Postman Pat gets busted by Customs for smuggling in Budmail packages. He gets sent down for 15 years, but good behaviour and a stark 20 minute long rape scene, where Pat is assaulted with a broom handle, leads to his release. Angry and bitter, he goes on a quest for revenge. But first, he will need to get his faithful sidekick Jess back, who has turned to a seedy life of crack addiction and cheap thrills since his incarceration..

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

Starring Steven Segal as Postman Pat, Jason Statham as Jess and Rob Schneider as the post van

Or Eddie Murphy in all roles.

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 7:27pm

The-Rigger wrote: »

Or Eddie Murphy in all roles.

Eddie Murphy can be the Postmaster:

Postmaster: "You're a loose cannon Pat, a complete renegade bad ass. You have no respect for the rules and regulations of this postal service! I'm sorry to say this Pat, but I need you to hand in your mail sack and van keys"

Pat: "I may be a loose cannon, but I'm the only cannon you've got"

Postmaster: "Eh....what?"

ejmaztec · 07-10-2009 7:34pm

DarkJager wrote: »

Its that 20 minute fixed angle broom handle sodomy shot that will be the tough one to plan out. It has to be PG after all

That's easily done with a menacing shot of the broom-handle, then a close-up shot of Postman Pat's cross-eyes, with an Oscar winning oooohhh for extra effect.

ShooterSF · 07-10-2009 7:37pm

"You're off the case Pat"

"You're off you're case!!"

"What the hell does that mean?"

It means he get's results you stupid chief!

admiralofthefleet · 07-10-2009 7:37pm

is it being made in birmingham?

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 7:52pm

ShooterSF wrote: »

"You're off the case Pat"

"You're off you're case!!"

"What the hell does that mean?"

It means he get's results you stupid chief!

It means a lot of people are going to wind up dead in dramatic fashion!!!

A7X · 07-10-2009 8:01pm

I think Chris tucker should play jess to be fair

ShooterSF · 07-10-2009 8:01pm

At some point his nemesis should lure him into a battle in the the broom shop. Utilising Pat's scarred memories.

Ruu_Old · 07-10-2009 8:03pm

What about his cat?

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 8:05pm

ShooterSF wrote: »

At some point his nemesis should lure him into a battle in the the broom shop. Utilising Pat's scarred memories.

"Tell me Mr Pat....can you still recall what a splinter filled ass feels like??"

4zn76tysfajdxp · 07-10-2009 8:05pm

Ruu wrote: »

What about his cat?

That would be the "Jess" everyone has mentioned. How could you not see that Ruu? It's there in black and white.

mikom · 07-10-2009 8:20pm

DarkJager wrote: »

"Tell me Mr Pat....can you still recall what a splinter filled ass feels like??"

To which Pat replies whilst whipping a pair of envelopes from his bag........ " Can you recall what a paper cut feels like"

After a long struggle Pat finally slams a franking machine down on the baddies head to the line......"Insufficient postage",
Then bundles him into a mail trolley and boots it down the hall as he quickly rasps "Return to sender".

Crotchety · 07-10-2009 8:31pm

That hairy bollix is going to infest our children's minds with her dirtiness.

Get her out NOW.

DarkJager · 07-10-2009 8:38pm

Crotchety wrote: »

That hairy bollix is going to infest our children's minds with her dirtiness.

Get her out NOW.

Mary Harney appreciation thread is that way --->

07-10-2009 9:14pm

"I've got to stamp out this problem before it envelopes the whole world!"

Flying Abruptly · 07-10-2009 9:17pm

"Return to Sender"

Riddle101 · 07-10-2009 10:26pm

Pat will then be forced to make a difficult decision between becoming an international singing superstar or carrying on delivering post to the villagers.

Oh yeah that's really difficult to make Pat. I would freaken buy this movie if it turns out he actually does choose to be a singing superstar and turns his back on the villagers. It would also make way for a sequel in which Pat sqaunders all his money and fortune and has to return to his old life again in order to pay his depts. Now that would teach kids about reality in the real world.

TerrorFirmer · 07-10-2009 10:28pm

DarkJager wrote: »

They should have made it a serious movie: Postman Pat gets busted by Customs for smuggling in Budmail packages. He gets sent down for 15 years, but good behaviour and a stark 20 minute long rape scene, where Pat is assaulted with a broom handle, leads to his release. Angry and bitter, he goes on a quest for revenge. But first, he will need to get his faithful sidekick Jess back, who has turned to a seedy life of crack addiction and cheap thrills since his incarceration..

postman pat....bateman.

tech77 · 07-10-2009 11:49pm

Adamcp898 wrote: »

The only Postman Pat movie you'll ever need

http://www.hellbored.com/videos/watch/be0209d78f6cb95b37867a39b9fd7846

LMAO.
Great stuff.

Post man Pat THE MOVIE !!!

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