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keep pining

  • 04-01-2008 9:07pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    two years ago i saw someone that i had a three year on off turbulent and passionate affair with. i have never felt so deeply for someone. when things were good they were amazing.

    but he wouldnt go out with me properly and only saw me when he wanted. we had been friends for two years before anything happened - best friends. so i always thought it was my fault. i sometimes am irrational and have the odd tantrum when not treated nicely.

    so in the end i got really upset as he was messing me around. i got deeply depressed.
    i told him to go away. and after a few calls after drink he did.

    then the other day i saw his facebook profile. he is seeing someone. he mailed me to let
    me know as soon as he did, which was soon after i told him to go away.

    he made me feel so bad about myself. this girl appears to adore him. he mentions her all over his page. they have matching pictures.

    why did he destroy me and treats her with such love. ive heard from mutual friends he
    is openly seeing her which he never did me.

    i felt so bad about myself after seeing him, i hated myself.

    i keep thinking about him now, and feeling so angry. i never want to see him again
    and now am so annoyed.

    i want him to suffer. i know this is awful. but i never had loved anyone like him.

    i wish there was some way of purging myself entirely of his memory.


Comments

  • #2
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Unregconfu666 wrote: »
    two years ago i saw someone that i had a three year on off turbulent and passionate affair with. i have never felt so deeply for someone. when things were good they were amazing.

    but he wouldnt go out with me properly and only saw me when he wanted. we had been friends for two years before anything happened - best friends. so i always thought it was my fault. i sometimes am irrational and have the odd tantrum when not treated nicely.

    so in the end i got really upset as he was messing me around. i got deeply depressed.
    i told him to go away. and after a few calls after drink he did.

    then the other day i saw his facebook profile. he is seeing someone. he mailed me to let
    me know as soon as he did, which was soon after i told him to go away.

    he made me feel so bad about myself. this girl appears to adore him. he mentions her all over his page. they have matching pictures.

    why did he destroy me and treats her with such love. ive heard from mutual friends he
    is openly seeing her which he never did me.

    i felt so bad about myself after seeing him, i hated myself.

    i keep thinking about him now, and feeling so angry. i never want to see him again
    and now am so annoyed.

    i want him to suffer. i know this is awful. but i never had loved anyone like him.

    i wish there was some way of purging myself entirely of his memory.

    This guy is a rat and to be blunt he was just not that into you... He was using you for what he could get. Of course if he was treating you badly then you would get upset and react....

    Why did he mail you to let you know he is seeing someone? Get rid of him from your face book contact and move on. He is not good enough for you as he does not treat you well.


  • #3
    WhiteWashMan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    Unregconfu666 wrote: »
    two years ago i saw someone that i had a three year on off turbulent and passionate affair with. i have never felt so deeply for someone. when things were good they were amazing.

    but he wouldnt go out with me properly and only saw me when he wanted. we had been friends for two years before anything happened - best friends. so i always thought it was my fault. i sometimes am irrational and have the odd tantrum when not treated nicely.

    so in the end i got really upset as he was messing me around. i got deeply depressed.
    i told him to go away. and after a few calls after drink he did.

    then the other day i saw his facebook profile. he is seeing someone. he mailed me to let
    me know as soon as he did, which was soon after i told him to go away.

    he made me feel so bad about myself. this girl appears to adore him. he mentions her all over his page. they have matching pictures.

    why did he destroy me and treats her with such love. ive heard from mutual friends he
    is openly seeing her which he never did me.

    i felt so bad about myself after seeing him, i hated myself.

    i keep thinking about him now, and feeling so angry. i never want to see him again
    and now am so annoyed.

    i want him to suffer. i know this is awful. but i never had loved anyone like him.

    i wish there was some way of purging myself entirely of his memory.

    you need closure.


  • #4
    Jack B. Badd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    Unregconfu666 wrote: »
    why did he destroy me and treats her with such love. ive heard from mutual friends he
    is openly seeing her which he never did me.

    Maybe he's just not that into you. If he isn't (which sounds likely) then no amount of wanting on your part will make a blind bit of difference.
    Unregconfu666 wrote: »
    i want him to suffer. i know this is awful. but i never had loved anyone like him.

    You don't sound like you love(d) him - most emotionally mature people don't want to inflict suffering on those they love. It's sounds like you were infatuated with him and are now chucking your toys out of the pram because you didn't get what you want. The above also sounds a wee bit "bunny-boilerish". Watch out for that kind of behaviour.

    Best thing to do would be to get some closure on the matter - forget him and move on. Oh, and don't enter into any more "on off turbulent and passionate affairs" with people you like...


  • #5
    mc nuggets
    Closed Accounts Posts: 500 ✭✭✭mc nuggets


    Unregconfu666 wrote: »

    why did he destroy me and treats her with such love.

    Maybe because he actually loves this girl, it might seem harsh but its probably true. Maybe he has grown up a bit since you and decided to settle down with this girl, What age are the two of you BTW?


  • #6
    magooly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 159 ✭✭magooly


    SarahSassy wrote: »

    Why did he mail you to let you know he is seeing someone?.

    Because he doesnt want another tantrum..

    OP pull yourself together its been 2 yrs ffs


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sometimes its good to articulate the feelings

    so that you dont act on them

    the part of me that was his friend is really happy to see him so settled

    but the part of me he hurt hates him

    im going to focus on being happy for him and also happy I got rid of him

    and am much happier now


  • #8
    Aura
    Registered Users Posts: 263 ✭✭Aura


    If you did really love him you'd be happy he is happy inspite of still pining for him. No offence but I think maybe this was just infatuation and jealousy if it was more you wouldn't wish anything but happiness for him. He told you he was seeing someone else to be honest with you. He's done nothing wrong there. Some people move on quicker than others and it hurts i know but that's life. you need to stop looking at it as something done to hurt you and just as someone living their life which they are entitled to do and if you were his friend you'd be happy to let him without harbouring ill-will. My initial reaction on finding out in not quite so direct a way was the same and it ripped me apart for days but i realised before he left to move away that it was more important to me in the long run to know he was happy than it was to feel angry at being left behind.


  • #9
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    if it was going to work- it would have happened.

    Pining is only doing yourself damage and wanting him to suffer is childish. Grow up & move on.


  • #10
    CrazyNoob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 124 ✭✭CrazyNoob


    WhiteWashMan wrote: »
    you need closure.

    She also needs therapy (she has so much hate :rolleyes::rolleyes:)

    She let herself be strung along, wanting something that wasnt there.
    It takes two to tango.



    If anything the OP should be anrgy with herself for putting herself in that situation
    He is just a knob and I wouldnt waste anymore energy on him if I was you OP.


  • #11
    metaoblivia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,256 ✭✭✭metaoblivia


    OP, first of all I understand where you're coming from. Having someone lead you on is no fun... and leading yourself on is even worse. It may sound harsh, but even though he led you on, you facilitated it, and I think that an important part of closure is accepting that. I understand your jealousy and I'm not going to condemn you for it - it's really hard to see someone you wanted with another person. But I will say that jealousy is often bred from insecurity, and you'd probably be a much happier person if you were secure with yourself. And you're the only one who can make that happen.
    The best thing to do is cut him out of your life completely. Don't wish him ill will... but you don't necessarily have to wish happiness on him either, if you don't want to. Just don't bother with him. At this point, it doesn't matter what he does with his life. You should focus on moving on with yours.


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  • #12
    Jack B. Badd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    metaoblivia wrote: »
    he led you on

    As far as I can gather from the OP's post, this bloke didn't lead her on. Unless she's making the stereotypical female assumption that she can use sex to trick him into a relationship.
    It sounds more like the OP was leading herself on.


  • #13
    metaoblivia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,256 ✭✭✭metaoblivia


    Jack B. Badd wrote: »
    As far as I can gather from the OP's post, this bloke didn't lead her on. Unless she's making the stereotypical female assumption that she can use sex to trick him into a relationship.
    It sounds more like the OP was leading herself on.

    Right, which I go on to address in the rest of my post... :confused:


  • #14
    Aura
    Registered Users Posts: 263 ✭✭Aura


    I don't think if you have really loved someone you can ever just feel nothing for them and I don't think you're being honest with yourself if you think so. It does depend on the level of feelings in the relationship. I know now my greatest one in life so far will always and ever be in my heart and I'm fecked if I'm gonna think of it in some negative way. Why waste the good memories?! I'm glad I was able to feel the way I did. Everything we go through makes us who we are and I'm not going to forget the people who have touched my life even if it brought pain too. that's what life and learning is about and I'm grateful for my experiences overall and the people I met along the way and I'm not going to let pride get in the way of some much more worthy emotions..

    I digress..

    Ultimately what I mean is you don't have to rub someone out completely on the canvas that is your life to move on. Just take your time with and if it was something pure between you that can only be a good thing and whatever the end result, wonderful to have experienced and in time you'll see that even if it hurts now.

    Better to have loved and lost and all that...

    But if he's happier where he is now then that's the way it's meant to be and you shouldn't begrudge him that just because you haven't found a greater happiness yet yourself. He deserves more if you did love him that much once.


  • #15
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    well thanks for all the replies, even the negative ones.

    part of being a human being is acknowledging that not all your feelings towards
    others are nice, happy, peaceful ones. sometimes one cannot just rise above it.
    sometimes it takes time to.

    id rather have been hurt and been genuine in my feelings than used a friendship
    to get sex. only I know what happened, and only I know if Im justified in feeling
    hurt, so peoples opinions around that don't concern me.

    im not insecure, at least i wasnt until i met him. personally I think i met the
    wrong person. it does take two to tango, but that isnt an excuse to
    f*ck people around. im not a bunny boiler either. he pursued me as much as
    i followed him.

    yes the person who said i should be angry with myself is right. i did waste time,
    and i did let myself fall into that situation. i should have not done that. and if
    I have an issue it is that.

    articulating a feeling of wanting to inflict damage is very differnet from doing it.

    i have never once blackened him to mutual friends. never discussed the matter
    in fact. if he contacted me to tell me he was seeing someone it was probably
    his own fear that i would say something to someone she knows. i would not do that.
    i will never contact him again.

    as i said is good to hear the different opinions even though i dont like hearing them.

    it doenst stop the fact he wasnt my friend really. he is very manipulative.

    ive met nicer people since. the reality check has been useful with the answers.
    in fact some of them hurt my pride, which is good, as it has a copping on effect


  • #16
    Aura
    Registered Users Posts: 263 ✭✭Aura


    Hats off to you. It's so hard to get your head around these sort of relationships that have gone so far wrong but you seem to have been able to accept your part in things and I think that's a major step in moving on otherwise you learn nothing.

    Best of luck.

    A.


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