is there something really wrong with me?

OK, so despite this odd view of yourself where you're focussing on whether people "drop you like you were nothing", you also manage to say that

if someone admits feelings for me i'm 'put off', so to speak

The way I see it, that implies that someone, or some people, along the way have admitted to having feelings for you, yes ? So therefore you can't be as bad as you seem to think.

The paranoid/snap over nothing/short attention span/obsessive pattern implies that you are stressed, maybe even a bit depressed, over something.....if so, stand back from that for a second and see if you can do anything about it; there's no point stressing over something over which you have no control, but if there's something you can do then take control, do it and get the feeling of helplessness or overwhelming out of the way.

Recoiling from intimacy is a difficult one, but I'd say two things; firstly, it reflects the fact that what you said in the thread title is playing on your mind - you can't let someone accept you fully if you don't accept yourself - but it also implies again that you've had potential intimacy to recoil from, so again there has obviously been someone who really cared about you, and you "recoiled" from, for you to notice this trait. And if you "recoil", they might understandably back off, thereby adding to the problem of you viewing people as "letting you down".

So have a look at yourself closely; see whether those people who "dropped you like you were nothing" did have a reason (don't analyse it to death, just look at it and see if you can spot something that you can learn from) and also ask yourself whether it's possible that THEY were (part of) the problem. You might - and I don't mean to be rude here in any way, I don't know you, so I can't say either way - but you might find that you have to take some of the blame (and have something that you should work on) but likewise you might be blaming yourself for little or nothing.

We all go through ups and downs, and someone once said that if you never had a down you wouldn't appreciate an up. Likewise, we all meet people along the way that might not be worth knowing; if we focussed on those, we wouldn't bother meeting any new people, but bear in mind that we all have some close friends that we would never have met if we approached things that way.

So flip over the post (glass half-empty vs glass half full), and you could easily phrase your post as follows:

I've had some pretty **** relationships in the past; the same, I guess as most people. People i thought i could really rely on I couldn't, and I know that can happen due to lots of things - because of me, them, their priorities, or a basic incompatibility that isn't actually anyone's fault.

I know I'm not a bad person, because some people have admitted feelings for me along the way, but I can never fully accept those feelings and tend to push those people away.

I'm also feeling stressed, and thinking or panicking about this probably isn't helping me think straight either.

I don't mean to be flippant; I'm just throwing this in a different light.....you felt like those people dropped you "like you were nothing", but you don't know that. You think that - maybe because of that feeling - there's something wrong with you, and despite the fact that people have admitted feelings for you, you won't let them in....why ? In case they'd "drop you too", after you let them in ? Who says they will ? Who says that the "people" you've met to date haven't been the ones who were wrong, and that one person might be different ?

I don't want to make out that you're perfect - I don't know you, and besides, none of us are - but the only thing I can see that's currently - and hopefully temporarily - "wrong" is that you're completely blaming yourself for those "close friends" actions (were they really close friends if they did that ? I've majorly pissed off some close friends at times along the way and would've excused them if they'd dumped me over it, but they didn't) and now you're letting it affect all of your judgements, including people - as you admitted yourself - who have admitted feelings for you.