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How can I work this one out?

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  • 28-07-2014 6:02pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I don't even know how to put this.

    I started a new job a few months ago. I'm very professional in my approach and have never had a work related fling or otherwise but I find myself single right now and someone in a neighbouring business has caught my eye.

    To give some more info, the company I work for is large but small in comparison to the one he works for, both companies are connected in a way but in the past have never worked together despite our attempts. One of the tasks set for me was to try and create a good working relationship with this corporation and I have been successful. This in part, I feel is due to a bit of a spark I might have with this guy. He's been going out of his way to include us where possible and has given me some great leads. I liked him but wasn't reading in to it until I got home one night and he popped up on my Tinder account (I'm 33 and not an avid Tinder user). I clicked no on him as I didn't really know how to use the app but I guess it's alerted me to the fact that he is single and I think he may have seen me on it too as he is acting very flirty of late. I recently ran a networking event for his clients and he was there and he was definitely flirting with me, he kept coming back to talk to me and we started texting that night and the messages were more friendly and flirty banter than anything else but I have been quite cold in my responses (on reflection) this is just down to fear of not being 100% sure if he likes me or not and also not wanting to muddy the waters in our new found working relationship.

    Also, I know nothing about him other than the fact that he's originally from Cork and so am I! We have no mutual friends on FB (Yes I looked him up) and he looks like he might be a player but it's really hard to know.

    I sometimes make terrible relationship choices so I'm just wondering if I should let this one go and find something a little safer in terms of professional progression.

    Also, do you think it would be difficult for him to make a first move with me for the same reasons?

    Sorry if all this sounds mad :)


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    #2
    kjl
    Registered Users Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    Well we can't help who we like, but this is one of those weird exceptions where I would say maybe don't act on your feelings.

    It seems to me like it could end up jeopardizing your working relationship with this guy which from what you have said could have serious impact.

    I work as a consultant and a general rule of thumb for me is don't get it on with the clients. It complicated things by a factor of 10

    I think if he worked in your company you could get away with it, but this is not the case.

    There are a lot of possible outcomes but what if it works out badly, do you honestly think you could still maintain a working relationship with this guy?

    If I were you I would keep up the flirting and wait till all work dealing with this guy are finished and if you still feel the same way, then by all means go for it.

    But don't say I didn't warn you.


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    #3
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    businessandpleasureareok wrote: »
    \One of the tasks set for me was to try and create a good working relationship with this corporation and I have been successful.

    Hi OP,

    normally I would tell a person if they were interested to go for it, but in this case I think that the risk of your working relationship being affected outweighs going on a few dates with this guy right now.

    Your workplace has specifically asked you to build a working relationship with this person, so to a point I would imagine that you under a certain amount of scrutiny over this from a work point of view. There is also a certain amount of dependence from your workplace's point of view that this working relationship should be a successful one, and as such, dragging personal feelings into this could be a disaster for all involved.

    For now I'd say take a step back and keep it professional. If there's still a spark between you both further down the line, then maybe it would be time to act on it then. But now wouldn't be the best idea IMHO.


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    #4
    nlk
    Registered Users Posts: 46 ✭nlk


    I agree with the other advice to a certain extent in that I would keep it professional and not take any action.

    I would however be friendly within the realms of professionality and if he were to ask you out for a date see how you feel. Yes, dating a guy that is linked to work could blow up in your face; however life is short and it's hard to find people you click with. Many people meet their other halves through work and I think once you enter into something with an agreement that you will both keep the work stuff separately it's worth the risk.

    I think you made the right call about tinder. I think that often times, not always, people show you their intention by how they go about asking you out. If you had liked each other on tinder it would be hard to gauge his intention; however if you remain professional and friendly and he takes the chance of asking you out on a proper date- not just an opportunistic drinks after work situation- then chaces are he genuinely wants to see where it goes.

    I suppose what it boils down to is that it's not worth the risk for a hook up, but would be worth it for something more meaningful and it's up to you to decide if that's what is on offer.

    In the meantime I would also advise that you keep your eyes open elsewhere, go on dates etc and don't get too hung up on him or develop a serious crush as this will blind you to who else is out there and things may not go anywhere with him.

    Best of luck!


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