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my daughter has no friends

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  • 09-10-2013 7:56pm
    #1
    Leilak
    Registered Users Posts: 379 ✭✭


    we moved from Dublin to Longford 3 years ago and at first she was fine, she started secondary school, made friends and seemed happy but now 3 years on she is just miserable, shes gained weight, has no friends and lm so worried about her. she keeps saying she misses Dublin and that she feels so isolated in Longford shes nearly 16 - l want to help her but am at abit of a loss how


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    #2
    Allyall
    Registered Users Posts: 10,381 ✭✭✭✭Allyall


    There are probably clubs she could join. Is there anything she's interested in? Swimming, Camogie, Reading, Acting, Chess?

    I'm not suggesting any of the above, just throwing a few ideas out.

    If she goes out and gets involved in the clubs, she may dislike them initially, but with a bit of perseverance she may grow to like them. Maybe she just needs a gentle shove in the right direction?

    Thread here about things to do in Longford for Teenagers - http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=77681601

    Also, have a look at Foroige - http://www.foroige.ie/


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    #3
    Pixie Chief
    Registered Users Posts: 171 ✭✭Pixie Chief


    First of all, you both have my sympathies. It's a very tough position to be in and heartbreaking to watch. I have gone through periods of this with my own kids after moves/rows with friends/other non-specific fall out and so can only suggest some of what we tried? I would say that she is lucky that she has you and while it's not the same as friends her own age, it can make all the difference to feel important to someone and loved while going through these patches. I would suggest short term that if at all possible you try to plan some 'girlie' time, shopping, cinema, gym, spa whatever you can afford and floats both your boats. Try to talk a little as friends (i.e. be totally nonjudgmental like you would with an adult friend) and you might get to the bottom of what has changed/happened for her or whether it was always a problem. Also bear in mind that it can be really difficult for people to bond when they are always in a big sea of people. If there are other girls that she likes or 'sorta' gets on with, try to arrange times for them to hang out in small groups or one to one, have sleepovers, trips or whatever they might like. If she is still in contact with any of her old friends maybe try to organise a few of them coming up for a weekend? It won't help with the current situation but will make her happy and raise her self-esteem a critical few notches which may help long term. Clubs and whatnot are a great idea but we found that in reality they are mostly composed of exactly the same group of people that are challenging in school - might be different up there though? What we did find helpful was getting involved in voluntary work (in our case, fostering a puppy from a dog rescue) there were others involved from all walks of life and ages and it was a pretty big deal nursing a pup that wasn't expected to make it to seeing her in her new home. It was tough emotionally but gave my daughter a totally different view of herself and she made quite unexpected friends in school from it in addition to new ones from other areas?


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    #4
    Kaeilighrooke
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭Kaeilighrooke


    As a teenager myself moving from a place can be hard because that connection that you had the place, the people,your friends all change and it can really hurt if i was in her position i would want someone to talk to about it maybe try and ask her is she okay and then gradually ask her about school and then get talking about friends and maybe you will gain some info about whats up with her she may be scared to tell you because she doesnt want to make you upset about moving to longford:) Hope she feels better soon x


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    #5
    Ciara GaGa
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭Ciara GaGa


    Maybe organise trips back to Dublin etc. , it can be hard moving and especially at that age when life can be so tough anyway. Also, spend time with your daughter, be a friend to her yourself and that way she is more likely to open up and tell you how she's really feeling. Good Luck!


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    #6
    sadie06
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,706 ✭✭✭sadie06


    A local choir is a fantastic way to meet people if she likes singing.


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    #7
    sadie06
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,706 ✭✭✭sadie06


    Is your daughter into reading? Would she try to join or set up a book club?


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    #8
    spurious
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,138 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    Scouts? In my experience the kids in the scouts tend to be nice children who are very accepting of someone different - not local, shy, etc..


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    #9
    Soccer Mum Not!
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭Soccer Mum Not!


    My 17 yr daghter, is having a very tough time at her school - we don't know the reason though. Don't think she does either. I feel for your daughter, but think whether its in Dublin or Longford, they have so much on their plates to deal with.
    Mine only has a very small group of friends, doesnt see them that often, and has just found out that one of those 'friends' had a big party and didnt invite her. she is gutted as you'd expect. Thinking of moving school/county/country myself! any advice ?


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    #10
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    I wasn't good at making friends in school. I don't know why, it just didn't come easily and I didn't enjoy the social side of school at all. My primary friends drifted away and despite doing lots of things mentioned here, scouts, clubs and after school stuff I never really made a good friend, apart from one who I've been friends with since primary school. College was a totally different story. No advice really but in hindsight I'd have liked the reassurance from my parents that school isn't the be all and end all, that many people don't maintain friendships from school days (certainly the case in my circles of friends as an adult) and that college is far better than school, so get the head down, study for what you want, and focus on the long term.


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    #11
    Eibhlin2011
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭Eibhlin2011


    I had no friends in school and was so quiet I hardly opened my mouth

    What was as hard as dealing with this was the pressure my dad put on me to socialise. I know he was just worried about me but it meant I felt I could never relax at home - so there was nowhere I could relax

    I made friends in college and finally started enjoying my life

    Today, in my 30's, I have a husband and children and a small group of friends and I'm very happy

    Looking back maybe I was a little depressed - cognitive behavioural therapy is extremely effective for improving mood. You can buy a book and teach yourself or attend a counsellor


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