Remembering a deceased parent at wedding.

Wabbit Ears · 15-09-2014 8:34pm

Not harsh at all. This was way way over the top.

Most weddings loved ones and deceased members are mentioned and, as lots have stated, A private and personal remembrance is entirely appropriate, But this wasnt that, No joking, Ive been to funerals (pretty much every funeral I was ever at) that talked less about the deceased than at this wedding.

fits · 15-09-2014 8:49pm

Yeah its something I have thought about a lot too. Its the bride and grooms day, not the second funeral. I know that sounds coarse.

grind gremlin · 15-09-2014 10:09pm

I got a lovely candle on ebay with a message printed on it.... In memory of x's mum .... and a few other nice words. We lit it during the ceremony. It was also left lighting on the table beside the wedding cake at the venue. Flowers from my mums garden were in the bouquets.

Stepping Stone · 15-09-2014 11:08pm

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

I was recently enough at a wedding where the mother had passed a good few years back. It was mentioned at least a dozen times during the mass, All the speeches talked about it several times also. It was fcuking ridiculous, Noone was mentioned more times then the Mother.

It was like, "Id like to thank my father, and my dead mother, and my granny, and my dead mother, and my Friends, Did I mention my mother? Shes dead, No, not recently mind you, poxy ages ago. Id like everyone to toast my bride, My mother would have approved of her, the dead one, *cries*"

Ill admit to being a terrible person, But at one point, if anyone else had mentioned the mother, I was going fcuking home, dig her up on my way and give her a punch. FFS You spend a bloody fortune as a couple to attend a wedding and its more about the deceased then the B&G. I cant even remember the name of the Bride but I know his fecking Ma's name it was repeated so many times.

I get people miss their loved ones, but there a hundred + people in the room that have probably never met the person and you've probably never even spoken about them until this occasion.

My cousins are horribly morbid and at every single wedding their dead mother, aunt, uncle and four grandparents are mentioned repeatedly. They just don't seem to have an idea about when they have crossed the line between sweet remembrance and depressing reminder.

Lots of mentions during the ceremony, every single speech made reference to their loss and the priest was asked by everyone giving a speech to say a prayer. That added up to five prayers during dinner. They had the photos and the empty seats, the trips to the graves, the tears, the distress and increasingly the stony faced relatives.

None of these are recent deaths. Our uncle died as a child before any of us were born. One set of grandparents died when they were very young. Their mother and other grandparents died almost 20yrs ago. I understand them mentioning their mother but it is like misery porn for them.

It is probably a hard balance to strike but I suppose that you need to keep in mind that other people will have lost people and while they will understand, others may be very easily upset.

ClubDead · 16-09-2014 8:45am

Wabbit Ears and Stepping Stone, I get what your saying and I agree. Its one of the reasons I posted this question, I don't want to bring people down on a day that's meant to be happy.

rsl1976 · 16-09-2014 8:51am

My brother got married a few weeks ago and for the toast all the top table got my mams favourite drink (Baileys) nice touch without going overboard

December2012 · 16-09-2014 9:27am

rsl1976 wrote: »

My brother got married a few weeks ago and for the toast all the top table got my mams favourite drink (Baileys) nice touch without going overboard

That's lovely and I think that it's very appropriate. We had a wedding in the family after Dad died, and before we left the house we all sat around his picture and had a toast with my Dads favourite drink.

It keeps it private and personal to the people who will actually feel the loss.

michellie · 16-09-2014 10:30pm

pooch90 wrote: »

I'm not who you asked but this is where I got mine. I got an oval one. The lady in the shop is just lovely to deal with too.
https://www.etsy.com/ie/shop/KeepsakesByKatherine?ref=shop_sugg

Great thank you!

Mo2012 · 16-09-2014 11:52pm

We're putting a rememberance poem about loved ones not being with us as we say I do and we have a candle with a short poem on it to light at the start of the ceremony and a prayer of the faithful naming the person and also for other family members who are no longer with us.

Toots · 17-09-2014 12:07am

Guys, this is a sensitive issue. Please bear this in mind when posting on the thread.

893bet · 17-09-2014 11:24am

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

I was recently enough at a wedding where the mother had passed a good few years back. It was mentioned at least a dozen times during the mass, All the speeches talked about it several times also. It was fcuking ridiculous, Noone was mentioned more times then the Mother.

It was like, "Id like to thank my father, and my dead mother, and my granny, and my dead mother, and my Friends, Did I mention my mother? Shes dead, No, not recently mind you, poxy ages ago. Id like everyone to toast my bride, My mother would have approved of her, the dead one, *cries*"

Ill admit to being a terrible person, But at one point, if anyone else had mentioned the mother, I was going fcuking home, dig her up on my way and give her a punch. FFS You spend a bloody fortune as a couple to attend a wedding and its more about the deceased then the B&G. I cant even remember the name of the Bride but I know his fecking Ma's name it was repeated so many times.

I get people miss their loved ones, but there a hundred + people in the room that have probably never met the person and you've probably never even spoken about them until this occasion.

I kind of agree to be honest. I also would shy away from the grand gestures also unless the death was very recent i.e. during the engagement. I cant see how they achieve anything other than being dramatic and cringe worthy.

Offer a toast to friends and family who are no longer with us and leave it at that IMO.

But horses for courses. You pay the bill on the day so what ever makes you happy.

Mrs OBumble · 17-09-2014 3:21pm

OP, frankly I'm horrified that you're discussing this here with no mention of discussing it with your father first.

Apologies if he's not on the scene any more. But if he is, then he is the one who is attending a wedding, and a difficult one that, without his wife at his side.

You should be guided by what he is comfortable with.

Remembering a deceased parent at wedding.

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