The Sailing Trip (Ladies' Lunch Disaster)

WomanSkirtFan8 · 09-09-2014 4:25pm #1

Here's another little story I'm working on.

Ladies Lunch Mess-Up!

One early summer afternoon around the middle of August, four women were on a local sailing trip. At the stern sat Michelle (Brunette) and Andrea (Long Curly Dark-hair). At around 1:30pm, the two of them went below to the main cabin area of their sail boat where their two friends, Karen (Blonde) and Adrienne (Fairish Red Hair), were already sitting down to lunch. All four of them were dressed in long-sleeved sailor tops and long ankle-length skirts.

The weather was dry, bright and sunny as they sailed away from the local coastline. They were only on a short trip from Bray harbour to the marina in Dun Laoghaire. The journey was due to take about an hour or so, which meant, that they were due to arrive in Dun Laoghaire harbour betweem 2:30pm.

However, due to the fact that the main Holyhead to Dun Laoghaire ferry was due to arrive in the harbour at around this time, this then meant that they were probably going to have to wait until at least 3pm before they could dock at the marina on the other side of the harbour's ferry port. Once they'd all gone below, Andrea closed and secured the hatch. She the went over to where Sharon was sitting and sat down on her right.

Sitting in front of one of the yacht's portholes, Karen turned around for a moment to have a look out. Just over on the horizon she could make out a small speck. With each second that passed, this speck gradually grew bigger and bigger. It was the ferry!

Karen quickly glanced at the clock above the door to her right.
2:10pm.
The ferry was early! And it was approaching the harbour pretty quickly.

As Sharon dipped her spoon into her chicken soup, the yacht began swaying back and forth. She took a moment to look up. She could see that Adrienne was fighting to try and keep her bowl of soup on the table, deperately not wanting it to go all over herself. Unfortunately though, that it exactly what happened with Karen a few minutes later.

The boat swayed to the right rather abruptly. Karen's bowl of soup went sliding off the table, hit the edge of the table, flipped upside down, and splattered the entire contents all over her beautiful skirt.

As the boat swayed back in the opposite direction, Karen looked down at the mess on herself. She then slowly looked back up at the other women with a disgusted look on her face.
But they were all having their own problems.

As the weather increased in its intensity, the rolling motion of the boat became even more acute. As the four women watched all the remaining plates and dishes sliding back and forth, another problem suddenly presented itself.

To the right, just above Adrienne's head were a row of cupboards, one of which had an door which had a tendency to occasionally swing open rather suddenly. The reason for this was because it had a fastener which had been become extremely worn down due to constant use. As the boat swayed about again, Adrienne gasped in horror as her bowl of soup, just like Karen's, ended up splatting all over her skirt. She jerked back slight and threw both arms up as the soup was still a little bit warm. The boat was then caught in a heavy swell which lifted the front of it up.

This threw all four women firmly back in their seats. This subsequently caused the dishes to start sliding from the top of the table back down towards the unfortunate Adrienne.

Splat! Squech!

Adrienne threw both arms up and jerked back as her clothes and the clothes of the other women were stained all together at the same time.

Eventually, the freak storm gradually died down. The women all took a collective breath but then all got up together, each of them absolutely disgusted by what had happened.

First draft · 09-09-2014 5:45pm

This is very well written. Well done.

I found myself wondering whether there was someone at the helm while the ladies went below, and whether it was realistic that they would be wearing long skirts on the boat? It also seemed slightly odd to me that they would decide to have soup.

I'm not trying to say this is wrong or anything, just wondering. The only experience I have had of sailing was much more rough and ready than this. I don't know how things work on higher class vessels.

In general, though, it's probably better not to leave the reader with open questions like this, as you want to be able to direct their attention to where you want it to go. Of course, if you want your readers to be curious about something which you will eventually reveal, that's a different matter entirely.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 09-09-2014 6:43pm

First draft wrote: »

This is very well written. Well done.

I found myself wondering whether there was someone at the helm while the ladies went below, and whether it was realistic that they would be wearing long skirts on the boat? It also seemed slightly odd to me that they would decide to have soup.

I'm not trying to say this is wrong or anything, just wondering. The only experience I have had of sailing was much more rough and ready than this. I don't know how things work on higher class vessels.

In general, though, it's probably better not to leave the reader with open questions like this, as you want to be able to direct their attention to where you want it to go. Of course, if you want your readers to be curious about something which you will eventually reveal, that's a different matter entirely.

Thanks. I've spent quite a bit of time developing the scenario. It was originally meant to be a slightly longer and much more messier situation.

"I found myself wondering whether there was someone at the helm while the ladies went below."

Yes. I have to admit I know absolutely nothing at all about sailing as I've never had any first-hand experience so that's my excuse there. I had originally intended that the yacht had been put on auto-pilot (?) when the ladies went below.

"whether it was realistic that they would be wearing long skirts on the boat?"

Probably not realistic but then, again that's my own personal interest. I kind of like the fact that their skirts get stained as I find it, a slightly interesting twist. I don't know if their reactions are in any way accurate though?

You don't think its realistic that they're eating soup on the boat? How so?

First draft · 10-09-2014 9:38am

I used to crew on a yacht that sailed out of Dun Laoghaire, and my experience was as follows:

People wore specialised sailing gear on the boat: Salopettes, hi-vis anoraks, sailing boots, life jackets, etc. Not long skirts.

Below deck was mainly used for storage. While there were seats and tables, they were taken up with sails in bags, toolboxes, and other gear. It wasn't the sort of place you would sit down to relax in. There was a small galley, but I never saw anyone use it during short sails like 3-4 hours.

The boat doesn't sail itself. Someone needs to be at the helm and someone else manning the main sail at all times.

The idea of sitting down to eat soup just doesn't compute for me, any more than you would eat soup while driving a go-kart. Why wouldn't they wait until they got ashore to have their soup?

As I said, though, this is only based on my experience of sailing on relatively small boats. Perhaps things are different on luxury yachts.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 10-09-2014 3:01pm

It is a luxury yacht. Not the usual large standard luxury yacht, but still large enough to be considered as a luxury yacht

Why Skirts? Well again because it is a luxury yacht so they all probably would wear something a lot more elegant and feminine. And anyway, as the author I want them in skirts mainly for the scene as described above.

I will include an extra character to stay at the helm. As this is meant to be a ladies' weekend, she will be another female character.

Ficheall · 10-09-2014 3:15pm

Were they all having chicken soup? Or were there different flavours?

WomanSkirtFan8 · 10-09-2014 3:22pm

Ficheall wrote: »

Were they all having chicken soup? Or were there different flavours?

well I was originally thinking chicken soup. In fact as i already said, this was originally intended to be a much greasier and messier scene involving:

red-wine
chocolate and cream deserts
and chips and eggs

also,each of the women are meant to accidentally stain/ruin their clothes.

Ficheall · 11-09-2014 3:33pm

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

well I was originally thinking chicken soup. In fact as i already said, this was originally intended to be a much greasier and messier scene involving:

red-wine
chocolate and cream deserts
and chips and eggs

also,each of the women are meant to accidentally stain/ruin their clothes.

That sounds like an odd combination. No fibre!
And why would the chef continue to serve the various courses after the women had started spilling the first ones all over themselves?
And an hour and a half for a three course meal with wine? Asking for trouble.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 11-09-2014 4:19pm

Ficheall wrote: »

That sounds like an odd combination. No fibre!
And why would the chef continue to serve the various courses after the women had started spilling the first ones all over themselves?
And an hour and a half for a three course meal with wine? Asking for trouble.

I don't really know to be honest. When I first started writing this piece, I was really just writing the first couple of things that came into my head and hadn't really thoroughly thought the whole thing out.

A couple of beginner's mistakes I think you can say! have to admit though, I DO like a little bit of slapstick comedy!

I'm pretty I'll find a way to work this out more thoroughly.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 11-09-2014 7:49pm

And why would the chef continue to serve the various courses after the women had started spilling the first ones all over themselves?

you've just given me an idea there. I should have said earlier that this is not a big really expensive luxury yacht. Its actually a little bit smaller than this.

So, the women basically have to cook for themselves, at least that was what I had originally intended.

To answer your question, maybe its the case that, my initially idea was that Karen was the one who prepared all the food and then she's the first of the women to get their clothes stained. So, basically, Karen is the one who is responsible for all the cooking and food preparation on the yacht.

I suppose that any chef in that particular situation probably more than likely wouldn't be able to continue serving any food, so, no, probably not.

EileenG · 12-09-2014 11:49pm

One issue I have with the writing is the way the women are described in terms of hair colour, not character. Come on, when do you say, "Wait until you meet Mary, she's a brunette"? You say, "You'll love Mary, she can make any group get along, and is the best cook ever."

As the others mentioned, I can't get my head around all those women wearing long skirts on a boat. It's not as if many women wear long skirts just going to buy milk, never mind on a boat.

Why did they set out without checking the weather to see if there would be a freak storm? I can buy one woman being stupid enough to forget to check the forecast, but all four?

Most luxury yachts have special furniture designed to prevent dishes sliding around when the sea is rough.

What's with all the throwing the hands in the air? When did you last see someone do this?

Why did none of them say anything? All that action and none of them said a word.

What was the point? They went to sea, it got rough, they got soup spilled on them? Did any of them do anything which caused the soup to spill? How did they react to the spilled soup?

WomanSkirtFan8 · 13-09-2014 1:19am

EileenG wrote: »

One issue I have with the writing is the way the women are described in terms of hair colour, not character. Come on, when do you say, "Wait until you meet Mary, she's a brunette"? You say, "You'll love Mary, she can make any group get along, and is the best cook ever."

As the others mentioned, I can't get my head around all those women wearing long skirts on a boat. It's not as if many women wear long skirts just going to buy milk, never mind on a boat.

Why did they set out without checking the weather to see if there would be a freak storm? I can buy one woman being stupid enough to forget to check the forecast, but all four?

Most luxury yachts have special furniture designed to prevent dishes sliding around when the sea is rough.

What's with all the throwing the hands in the air? When did you last see someone do this?

Why did none of them say anything? All that action and none of them said a word.

What was the point? They went to sea, it got rough, they got soup spilled on them? Did any of them do anything which caused the soup to spill? How did they react to the spilled soup?

Okay. You've raised a lot of really good and important points there which I will now try and address.

"When do you say, "Wait until you meet Mary, she's a brunette"? You say, "You'll love Mary, she can make any group get along, and is the best cook ever.","

I suppose that you wouldn't, would you? In truth, you'd probably focus more on the personality than how or what they looked actually look like?

"I can't get my head around all those women wearing long skirts on a boat. It's not as if many women wear long skirts just going to buy milk, never mind on a boat."

Maybe not reality but I kind of like it. I mean, if I'm completely honest, the only reason that I put all of the into long skirts, is solely for that particular one scene. I kind of like the idea of all four beautiful skirts being ruined at the same time, but then, that's just me.

"Why did they set out without checking the weather to see if there would be a freak storm? I can buy one woman being stupid enough to forget to check the forecast, but all four?"

Excellent point there. True enough. Wouldn't have thought of that one initially. Perhaps one of the women DID but forgot somehow?

"Why did none of them say anything? All that action and none of them said a word."

Probably frightened or scared possibly.

"What was the point? They went to sea, it got rough, they got soup spilled on them? Did any of them do anything which caused the soup to spill? How did they react to the spilled soup?"

well originally the idea was that each of them would somehow cause the other to have / experience a slight personal mishap. It was also the case that they were supposed to have their lunch at a certain time, e.g. 2pm. but they then unfortunately got caught up in this freak storm so in other words, they got caught out and were not prepared to deal with it effectively.

As to how the each reacted to the spilled soup, well i imagine that each of them were disgusted by this although I may be wrong.

"What's with all the throwing the hands in the air? When did you last see someone do this?"

To be honest, I've never seen anyone (man or woman) do this in reality. I just like this idea that this is the way that at least one of the women reacts. In real life she probably wouldn't really react like this. How would you react in this situation?

EileenG · 13-09-2014 5:35pm

Personally, if I were going to sea for a short run, I would spend my time on deck enjoying sailing the boat, not downstairs eating soup, something I could do anywhere. And I would NOT forget if there had been a forecast of a possible squall, or freak storm. If I were eating soup at sea, it would be from a mug, not a bowl.

Readers don't care about hair colour. They care about personality. Which one of those women was the bitch? Which one spent too much on her clothes? Which one was having an illicit affair with the husband of one of the others?

If I spilled something hot on myself, I'd jump back to try to avoid it, and curse a lot. Then I'd mop it up, first off myself, then off the floor.

If you are determined to have a story where four women in long dresses spill stuff on themselves, why not set it at a formal dinner rather than on a yacht? Then you could have your series of accidents which results in them all getting filthy, perhaps starting with a Manuel style waiter and building on the affair with the husband, the maxed-out credit card, and building to something.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 13-09-2014 9:17pm

"Which one of those women was the bitch?"

Originally, my initially idea was to have a kind of a spat between two sisters (Sharon and Kellie).

Sharon was meant to be the one who spent a lot of money (the spendaholic, if you like. She was also meant to be outwardly gay.

Kellie, was supposed to be the "fiery red-head", cunning and devious whose main objective was to try and take the yacht away from Sharon almost by whatever means necessary and was prepared to embarrass Sharon in any way possible.

The other women were supposed to be Sharon and Kellie's cousins.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 13-09-2014 9:24pm

"If you are determined to have a story where four women in long dresses spill stuff on themselves, why not set it at a formal dinner rather than on a yacht? Then you could have your series of accidents which results in them all getting filthy, perhaps starting with a Manuel style waiter and building on the affair with the husband, the maxed-out credit card, and building to something."
the
A formal dinner would indeed be an extremely interesting idea alright. Like a debs or something. A The whole point though is for the women to ruin their clothes in an "accidental" way.

A formal dinner on a luxury yacht wouldn't entirely be out of the question either and would probably still work just as well.

Del.Monte · 13-09-2014 10:06pm

Just to be picky, but would a large yacht be able to get into or out of Bray harbour?

WomanSkirtFan8 · 13-09-2014 10:34pm

Del.Monte wrote: »

Just to be picky, but would a large yacht be able to get into or out of Bray harbour?

No it wouldn't. It would probably look extremely odd and unusual. No problem though, can always change it to Dun Laoghaire which would probably make a lot more sense.

coffee_cake · 13-09-2014 10:43pm

EileenG wrote: »

Personally, if I were going to sea for a short run, I would spend my time on deck enjoying sailing the boat, not downstairs eating soup, something I could do anywhere. And I would NOT forget if there had been a forecast of a possible squall, or freak storm. If I were eating soup at sea, it would be from a mug, not a bowl.

Readers don't care about hair colour. They care about personality. Which one of those women was the bitch? Which one spent too much on her clothes? Which one was having an illicit affair with the husband of one of the others?

If I spilled something hot on myself, I'd jump back to try to avoid it, and curse a lot. Then I'd mop it up, first off myself, then off the floor.

If you are determined to have a story where four women in long dresses spill stuff on themselves, why not set it at a formal dinner rather than on a yacht? Then you could have your series of accidents which results in them all getting filthy, perhaps starting with a Manuel style waiter and building on the affair with the husband, the maxed-out credit card, and building to something.

Then one of them says YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY HUSBAND YOU COW and throws food at the other one (and her long skirt)

WomanSkirtFan8 · 13-09-2014 10:54pm

bluewolf wrote: »

Then one of them says YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY HUSBAND YOU COW and throws food at the other one (and her long skirt)

yes. nice suggestion. Am thinking that a least one of the women, possibly Karen gets a desert in her lap, and Adrienne get egg all over her top and skirt. Don't quite know about the other two though.

Merkin · 13-09-2014 11:04pm

Is this the story in its entirety or is this part of a story you are working on? I think you can write relatively well but the content itself really needs work.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 13-09-2014 11:15pm

Merkin wrote: »

Is this the story in its entirety or is this part of a story you are working on? I think you can write relatively well but the content itself really needs work.

no its not the entire story. It is part of the overall story. There is a lot more to it. I just really DO need to work on the content. The rest of the story still needs to be fully clarified which I WILL do as soon as I get the chance to.

Merkin · 13-09-2014 11:42pm

Have a think about the way you describe things. Hair colour detail is unnecessary, the reason for the cupboard not working properly is gratuitous and the fact that all four women wear identical sailing tops and long skirts make them sound like Amish women! Ask yourself does the reader really need to know this particular detail and does it enrich the story and if not then leave it out. You can write but just rethink what's important.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 14-09-2014 12:52am

Merkin wrote: »

Have a think about the way you describe things. Hair colour detail is unnecessary, the reason for the cupboard not working properly is gratuitous and the fact that all four women wear identical sailing tops and long skirts make them sound like Amish women! Ask yourself does the reader really need to know this particular detail and does it enrich the story and if not then leave it out. You can write but just rethink what's important.

I certainly will. Thanks. Should have mentioned earlier taht they are not in fact all wearing the exact same outfits. My fault for that!

Any tips on how to resolve the cupboard situation?

Merkin · 14-09-2014 4:07am

Well if you read over the narrative again you'll see that your reference to the cupboard is a bit of a non sequitur because you refer to it, explain that it has a worn latch, but then fail to have it actually feature in the story at all. You say that it has a tendency to swing open but not that it actually does. So either have the doors swing wildly open for dramatic effect or leave it out altogether.

I'm still not sure as to why you want them all having four different types of food falling all over their four respective skirts?? And do you really need four characters? Why don't you have two or three and character map them first. Who are they? Why are they friends? Why on a boat? If it's a luxury yacht, who owns it? Think about things in greater depth and give less time to hair colour and more time to making these people interesting.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 14-09-2014 12:13pm

"Well if you read over the narrative again you'll see that your reference to the cupboard is a bit of a non sequitur because you refer to it, explain that it has a worn latch, but then fail to have it actually feature in the story at all. You say that it has a tendency to swing open but not that it actually does. So either have the doors swing wildly open for dramatic effect or leave it out altogether."

Good point there. Then that's what I'll do then: Have it swing open at most unexpected and inapropriate time. It IS meant to be for dramtic effect. I'd say the women could be sweating as well.

EileenG · 14-09-2014 3:35pm

The yacht is a distraction. Immediately, all your readers are asking why they are wearing long dresses on a yacht, instead of getting involved with the characters. The story is about the spilling on the skirts, so put them in a situation where they would naturally wear nice dresses. On a yacht, you wear tough, practical clothes.

Hrududu · 14-09-2014 11:04pm

Merkin wrote: »

I'm still not sure as to why you want them all having four different types of food falling all over their four respective skirts?? And do you really need four characters? Why don't you have two or three and character map them first. Who are they? Why are they friends? Why on a boat? If it's a luxury yacht, who owns it? Think about things in greater depth and give less time to hair colour and more time to making these people interesting.

I think having four of them getting four different food stains on their long skirts is the real meat of the story. So I wouldn't change that. I think I'd introduce the possibility that one of them somehow caused the food to spill. Maybe only three of them throw their hands in the air. That is a nice subtle way of showing the reader that maybe the other one is the culprit.

EileenG · 14-09-2014 11:47pm

I'm sorry, women do not throw food at each other, not once they are past the silly student stage. You could only sell it if they were all stone drunk. The idea that one of them plotted to spill food on the others is daft.

WomanSkirtFan8 · 15-09-2014 12:45am

EileenG wrote: »

I'm sorry, women do not throw food at each other, not once they are past the silly student stage. You could only sell it if they were all stone drunk. The idea that one of them plotted to spill food on the others is daft.

that was only a thought. and yes I KNOW the very suggestion that they would throw food at each other IS absolutely stupid. Just to make it a bit clearer it IS meant to be "Accidental"

Brian Lighthouse · 15-09-2014 12:46am

WomanSkirtFan8 writes about women's skirts.
I wonder what the next story will be about?

WomanSkirtFan8 · 15-09-2014 12:49am

Brian Lighthouse wrote: »

WomanSkirtFan8 writes about women's skirts.
I wonder what the next story will be about?

Well It might be about dresses? It might be about underwear? You never know! the list is endless!

The Sailing Trip (Ladies' Lunch Disaster)

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