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do you tell your dates you're on the dole?

24567

Comments

  • #32
    VEN
    Registered Users Posts: 648 ✭✭✭VEN


    curlygirly wrote: »
    anyway i guess it's concerning cos i actually wouldnt date a guy on the dole

    well aren't they so lucky because you're so up yer own hole.


  • #33
    Madam_X
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,327 ✭✭✭Madam_X


    curlygirly wrote: »
    because I think it shows lack of ambition, to be honest. I ve been out of work for 7 weeks and the only reason I applied for it finally was cos my friends forced me to.

    It does depend on the situation but Ive met several guys who live with their folks, are on the dole, in their late 20s-mid 30s, rely on public transport and are too good to work as a barman but have no problem spending all their cash at the bar 3 nights a week. If you dont pay rent, for petrol and so on , where the hell is your dole money going??

    anyway bit of a rant. im talking purely from experience, not talking about everyone on the dole.
    Ya kinda are. It doesn't show lack of ambition if it's not a choice. And you seeing how you'd survive without it for weeks - well that's just silly. So not having a job and looking for work, but no income = ok. And not having a job and looking for work, and a social welfare income for which you've paid your stamps = lacking ambition? Not sure you've thought this through. It doesn't really compute.


  • #34
    franktheplank
    Registered Users Posts: 1,168 ✭✭✭franktheplank


    Im sometimes tell chicks I'm on the dole even when I'm not. Weeds out the shallow ones that are only after me incredible good looks. :D


  • #35
    curlygirly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭curlygirly


    Madam_X wrote: »
    Ya kinda are. It doesn't show lack of ambition if it's not a choice. And you seeing how you'd survive without it for weeks - well that's just silly. So not having a job and looking for work, but no income = ok. And not having a job and looking for work, and a social welfare income for which you've paid your stamps = lacking ambition? Not sure you've thought this through. It doesn't really compute.

    no, i said im talking about the men i ve met in the past - not everyone on the dole.

    im also saying that the first thing people told me when i lost my job was ' go on the dole!" wheras i think that should be the last resort.

    also, i would take jobs that i wouldnt really want to do, to get by. on the other hand, ive several people tell me they're better off staying at home and collecting their 188 a week, than working 30 hrs in a min. wage job.

    again, when i say lacking ambition, im talking about the men in their 30s who live at home and dont care to find work. men i ve met. men i ll never meet again. for that very reason.

    btw - him being on the dole has nothing to do with money that he doesnt have to spend on me. i ve supported myself for the last 12 years without anyone's help and the last thing i want from a guy is his money


  • #36
    Madam_X
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,327 ✭✭✭Madam_X


    curlygirly wrote: »
    I actually think im less likely to date them now. a couple on the dole is just depressing, i think. i had a friend who was on it along with her 4 siblings and 2 parents and that turned me off the whole idea
    If I was on the dole and met a guy I really liked who was also on the dole and we were both constantly looking for work... I wouldn't be put off him just because of what others think... because that's silly. And to use your word above: depressing.


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  • #37
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,205 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    Oh look at you all with your "friends" la-de-da :mad:

    ... haha. Nah but seriously, I have no issue with telling someone, who I class as a friend, that I am the dole. Now if its someone you barely know? well thats different - 'I dont know you so i aint gonna tell you shit' type of deal.


    As for online dating and being on the dole?
    Psssh. So many people lie about themselves as it is! :P Profile picture was taken 5 years ago, they have a kid, they arent really "average weight" or the best line ever used "i am only on the site 2 weeks" (in reality going on two years)


  • #38
    curlygirly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭curlygirly


    Madam_X wrote: »
    If I was on the dole and met a guy I really liked who was also on the dole and we were both constantly looking for work... I wouldn't be put off him just because of what others think... because that's silly. And to use your word above: depressing.


    if we were BOTH looking for work, thats one thing. but as i said, the men i ve met, were never really looking. so i never stuck around. if they were, that'd be different. i went out with a guy a few wks ago who told me he was looking for work. likely story - but then the next day he got an interview and got the job. he ended up working at a place around the corner from me. he's the only one so far ive gone out with that thats happened for.

    this post isnt about pro or anti dole though. it's about the stigma that comes along with being on it and telling people you're on it cos no one outright says " im on the dole" without a back story first and there has to be a reason for that.


  • #39
    bluecode
    Closed Accounts Posts: 794 ✭✭✭bluecode


    I never dated anyone when I was on the dole. Although I was already married the last time.

    But how can you afford to date while on the dole? The whole dating thing is expensive and unless you have money in the bank. It's not really affordable.


  • #40
    curlygirly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭curlygirly


    B.A._Baracus wrote: »
    Oh look at you all with your "friends" la-de-da :mad:

    ... haha. Nah but seriously, I have no issue with telling someone, who I class as a friend, that I am the dole. Now if its someone you barely know? well thats different - 'I dont know you so i aint gonna tell you shit' type of deal.


    As for online dating and being on the dole?
    Psssh. So many people lie about themselves as it is!     :P Profile picture was taken 5 years ago, they have a kid, they arent really "average weight" or the best line ever used "i am only on the site 2 weeks" (in reality going on two years)


    yea but you cant start off telling a lie. if things progress the truth will come out and that can mean bad news. if a guy told me he worked and then down the line told me he was on the dole, id wanna know when that happened and if he lied from day one id be out - simply cos he lied


  • #41
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,205 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    bluecode wrote: »
    I never dated anyone when I was on the dole. Although I was already married the last time.

    But how can you afford to date while on the dole? The whole dating thing is expensive and unless you have money in the bank. It's not really affordable.


    Que others moaning about people on the dole getting too much money :pac:


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  • #42
    curlygirly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭curlygirly


    bluecode wrote: »
    I never dated anyone when I was on the dole. Although I was already married the last time.

    But how can you afford to date while on the dole? The whole dating thing is expensive and unless you have money in the bank. It's not really affordable.


    maybe we have a different idea of dating. i dont go out drinking on my dates. i actually kinda refuse to meet a guy for the first time if needs to have a few pints in him. i want someone confident without the aid of alcohol (god i can hear you guys getting worked up again)

    so meeting up, getting a coffee and going for a walk doesnt cost much and anyway i give it max 6 weeks before im back to work. i ll work at mcdonalds if i have to


  • #43
    Tefral
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,375 ✭✭✭Tefral


    curlygirly wrote: »
    if we were BOTH looking for work, thats one thing. but as i said, the men i ve met, were never really looking. so i never stuck around. if they were, that'd be different. i went out with a guy a few wks ago who told me he was looking for work. likely story - but then the next day he got an interview and got the job. he ended up working at a place around the corner from me. he's the only one so far ive gone out with that thats happened for.

    this post isnt about pro or anti dole though. it's about the stigma that comes along with being on it and telling people you're on it cos no one outright says " im on the dole" without a back story first and there has to be a reason for that.

    You know what, I have worked since I was 16, worked 50 hours a week while I did my degree, went on a 3 day week about 2 years ago. I didnt know where to look. I went in and claimed for my other days, when I went in to start the whole thing up I was totally on edge, all sorts of things were going through my head was I a failure, would I just be another stat... Waiting in line though I was talking to an Engineer and an Architect. They were telling me they had been laid off 2 weeks before.

    I realised it wasnt the tracksuit brigade that were the only ones in there. I didnt feel as bad. The entire fabric of society has been turned on his head. I eventually went to London to work, 13 months later I am back and starting a new job here on Monday...

    Looking back on it the whole experience has changed my view on the dole. The money I claimed before I went to London was my own PRSI, thats what its there for Social Insurance... Dont judge those around you, they could be doing anything to better themselves and just might be down on their luck. I would certainly say they wouldnt look down on you. Your life goes on, you dont need a job to define you as a person..


  • #44
    Mince Pie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,901 ✭✭✭Mince Pie


    bluecode wrote: »
    I never dated anyone when I was on the dole. Although I was already married the last time.

    But how can you afford to date while on the dole? The whole dating thing is expensive and unless you have money in the bank. It's not really affordable.

    So if you are unfortunate to be on the dole you should just suck it up and be alone as well?
    Dates don't have to be expensive fancy restaurants, you can be quite prudent and still enjoy a day out with someone.

    In answer to the OP, I would always be honest when asked and also wouldn't have a problem dating someone else on the dole providing they were looking for work and weren't career dole heads.


  • #45
    Madam_X
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,327 ✭✭✭Madam_X


    The stigma attached to anyone at all being on the dole, no matter what circumstances, is just upheld by idiots, who certainly aren't worth worrying about. I can't think of anyone I know taking issue with a person being on the dole through lack of choice.


  • #46
    Jezek
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 737 ✭✭✭Jezek


    Lenin Skynard wrote: »
    I imagine he should instruct you to get off the dole and on to his bed.
    it was just within your reach...

    off the dole and on his pole

    not that hard tbh, but ya blew it.


  • #47
    curlygirly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭curlygirly


    cronin_j wrote: »
    You know what, I have worked since I was 16, worked 50 hours a week while I did my degree, went on a 3 day week about 2 years ago. I didnt know where to look. I went in and claimed for my other days, when I went in to start the whole thing up I was totally on edge all sorts of things were going through my head. Waiting in line though I was talking to an Engineer and an Architect. They were telling me they had been laid off 2 weeks before.

    I realised it wasnt the tracksuit brigade that were the only ones in there. I didnt feel as bad. The entire fabric of society has been turned on his head. I eventually went to London to work 13 months later I am back and starting a new job here on Monday...

    Looking back on it the whole experience has changed my view on the dole. The money I claimed before I went to London was my own PRSI, thats what its there for. Dont judge those around you, they could be doing anything to better themselves and just might be down on their luck.


    EXACTLY why i went on - and like i said, im only talking about my past experiences and guys who were making no effort to work. i said it a few times - im not talking about everyone on it. how could if im on it now? i know more than a few people who a) either wont take a job that's 'beneath' them in their eyes or b) who do have p/t work and have been offered f/t but prefer to work p/t so they can still get some dole money. that to me , is ****. these are the ppl id go nowhere near romantically


  • #48
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,205 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    curlygirly wrote: »
    yea but you cant start off telling a lie. if things progress the truth will come out and that can mean bad news. if a guy told me he worked and then down the line told me he was on the dole, id wanna know when that happened and if he lied from day one id be out - simply cos he lied


    Oh totally agree.
    But it really comes down to what a person wants. If someone just wants a shag or just to pass time with someone then they'll lie and say whatever.


  • #49
    bluecode
    Closed Accounts Posts: 794 ✭✭✭bluecode


    That's all very well and maybe it's different for women. But a man might feel a duty to entertain his date. Go for a meal or a few drinks, the cinema. All the usual stuff. All expensive. I don't think any woman would like to date a man who can't or won't pay his way. A man on the dole is going to struggle and for most of them their ego wouldn't allow themselves to be humiliated that way.

    I do think a man would have less of a problem with a woman on the dole than vice versa.


  • #50
    Tefral
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,375 ✭✭✭Tefral


    curlygirly wrote: »
    EXACTLY why i went on - and like i said, im only talking about my past experiences and guys who were making no effort to work. i said it a few times - im not talking about everyone on it. how could if im on it now? i know more than a few people who a) either wont take a job that's 'beneath' them in their eyes or b) who do have p/t work and have been offered f/t but prefer to work p/t so they can still get some dole money. that to me , is ****. these are the ppl id go nowhere near romantically

    Ok, I understand you now.. I would agree, in my eyes you can always make money and get ahead if your willing, that's all you need.

    However you need to meet these people and as a result you need to leave people meet you. You obviously like someone who has a but of drive (who wouldn't): so let me ask you:

    Someone who is working away but has no ambition to rise up or get ahead and is just happy slogging away or you meet someone that's on the dole now but in the background they could be re-training, re-skilling etc. that to me is someone id have more respect for.


  • #51
    curlygirly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭curlygirly


    bluecode wrote: »
    That's all very well and maybe it's different for women. But a man might feel a duty to entertain his date. Go for a meal or a few drinks, the cinema. All the usual stuff. All expensive. I don't think any woman would like to date a man who can't or won't pay his way. A man on the dole is going to struggle and for most of them their ego wouldn't allow themselves to be humiliated that way.

    I do think a man would have less of a problem with a woman on the dole than vice versa.


    i serioulsy wish that were true. lol. you'd be surprised how shocking things can get.


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  • #52
    Jezek
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 737 ✭✭✭Jezek


    bluecode wrote: »
    That's all very well and maybe it's different for women. But a man might feel a duty to entertain his date. Go for a meal or a few drinks, the cinema. All the usual stuff. All expensive. I don't think any woman would like to date a man who can't or won't pay his way. A man on the dole is going to struggle and for most of them their ego wouldn't allow themselves to be humiliated that way.

    I do think a man would have less of a problem with a woman on the dole than vice versa.

    You have a point but any one can entertain on the cheap with a bit of imagination, cook a meal at home (can be dirt cheap), take the date somewhere free (art exhibition, music gig - there are loads of these if you look around). Of course it's not ideal but I think people these days will be understanding.


  • #53
    VEN
    Registered Users Posts: 648 ✭✭✭VEN


    curlygirly wrote: »
    yea but you cant start off telling a lie. if things progress the truth will come out and that can mean bad news. if a guy told me he worked and then down the line told me he was on the dole, id wanna know when that happened and if he lied from day one id be out - simply cos he lied

    and he could be married, 3 kids, different mothers, tragic :rolleyes: lifes full of surprises


  • #54
    curlygirly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭curlygirly


    cronin_j wrote: »
    Ok, I understand you now.. I would agree, in my eyes you can always make money and get ahead if your willing, thats all you need.

    However you need to meet these people and as a result you need to leave people meet you. You obviously like someone who has a but of drive, who wouldnt: so let me ask you: someone who is working away but has no ambition to rise up or get ahead and is just happy slogging away or you meet someone thats on the dole now but in the background they could be re-training, reskilling etc. that to me is someone id have more respect for.

    I dont know. As a restaurant manager, I take a bit of offense to that as well cos lots of people would assume that being ' just a waiter' (as most people in my field are) isnt good enough. And people I know who are the dole wont take a restaurant job.

    Lots of people in that industry wont 'rise up' and to me thats ok especially if they like what they do - but thats another debate for another time.

    I see what you're saying and yeah, if I had to choose between dole now and great job later or **** job now and forever, I may go with #1. but thats only if I hated the '**** job' and not because other people thought it was ****.

    am i derailing? haha


  • #55
    franktheplank
    Registered Users Posts: 1,168 ✭✭✭franktheplank




    J-Lo - My love don't cost a thing


  • #56
    annascott
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,271 ✭✭✭annascott


    I wouldn't recommend changing your online status to unemployed. but any dates that you get will see that you aren't a professional layabout so telling them that you are between jobs should be ok. The way things are at the moment, more people are finding it harder to hold on to jobs. No one will think any less of you...
    Good luck with finding something.


  • #57
    curlygirly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭curlygirly


    franktheplank wrote: »


    J-Lo - My love don't cost a thing

    thats great but unless your rent dont cost a thing, it's irrelevant.


  • #58
    rannerap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,900 ✭✭✭rannerap


    Not dating someone just because they are on the dole is crazy. My bf was on the dole when we got together, and due to lack of work he was on it for 2 years, through no fault of his own. There just wasnt much work going in his industry. I was working the entire time while also being in college. He got a job a few months ago and now makes an unbelivable amount per week, and I'm now on the dole. Circumstances change for people through no fault of their own


  • #59
    BillyMitchel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,324 ✭✭✭BillyMitchel


    Sarannewrap wrote: »
    Not dating someone just because they are on the dole is crazy. My bf was on the dole when we got together, and due to lack of work he was on it for 2 years, through no fault of his own. There just wasnt much work going in his industry. I was working the entire time while also being in college. He got a job a few months ago and now makes an unbelivable amount per week, and I'm now on the dole. Circumstances change for people through no fault of their own

    Fair play, I hope he's looking after you now! Knew couples in similar circumstances but when the months became years it just became way too much and the relationship ended.

    It must be love, love love. Nothing more nothing less love is the best!! :D


  • #60
    dundalkfc10
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,719 ✭✭✭dundalkfc10


    cronin_j wrote: »
    You know what, I have worked since I was 16, worked 50 hours a week while I did my degree, went on a 3 day week about 2 years ago. I didnt know where to look. I went in and claimed for my other days, when I went in to start the whole thing up I was totally on edge, all sorts of things were going through my head was I a failure, would I just be another stat... Waiting in line though I was talking to an Engineer and an Architect. They were telling me they had been laid off 2 weeks before.

    I realised it wasnt the tracksuit brigade that were the only ones in there. I didnt feel as bad. The entire fabric of society has been turned on his head. I eventually went to London to work, 13 months later I am back and starting a new job here on Monday...

    Looking back on it the whole experience has changed my view on the dole. The money I claimed before I went to London was my own PRSI, thats what its there for Social Insurance... Dont judge those around you, they could be doing anything to better themselves and just might be down on their luck. I would certainly say they wouldnt look down on you. Your life goes on, you dont need a job to define you as a person..

    Tracksuit brigade?

    Apart from The OP, we seem to have another one stuck up their own hole.

    What is wrong with wearing a tracksuit, I went to Uni for 4 years in Belfast, done a masters in Dublin
    I'm now a working in a well paid job 4 years and guess what I wear into work every day, a tracksuit and wear a tracksuit 90% of the time (when i say tracksuit, nice pair tracksuit bottoms and a trendy hooded top)


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  • #61
    Lone Stone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,405 ✭✭✭Lone Stone


    curlygirly wrote: »
    This is my first time on the dole and I'm not sure how to tell guys that I'm on it. I do online dating and my most recent job as manager is listed and I am still looking for work in that field, daily & hourly but until I find it I feel like I should stop dating people.

    so for people on the dole, do you tell new dates this?
    and for others, how would you feel about dating someone on the dole?

    just say you do "Freelance work" if thats to awkward due to questions just pretend your loaded and dont need a job.


This discussion has been closed.
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