Uncertainty over hello/goodbye etiquette

donfers · 31-03-2010 2:53pm #1

Is this an Irish thing?

or a male thing?

or a human thing?

Example: you are not going to see someone for a long time, they might be leaving work or emigrating or have visited for a few days and are returning to their home or whatever

They might be a friend or family member you haven't seen in a while, you've met up. had a few drinks, a coffee, chatted away, had a laugh then it comes to the goodbye.

How to say goodbye?

man to woman etiquette (when you won't see her for a while) - what? a hug? a peck on the cheeks? Sometimes the woman is as stiff as a sack of potatoes and well if she doesn't have the most open of body languages how the hell am I supposed to embrace the ice-queen? A shake of the hands in this case is mightily formal, almost Victorian.....jesus, can't people get over their intimacy issues but if you think that's bad then let's move on to

man to man etiquette (when you won't see him for a while) - he could be your bestest buddy in the history of buddyship, he could be your brother who you went to war with but woe betide anybody who considereth the male on male hug for fear it might feminise us in some way or even worse homosexualise us, god forbid!!!!!

but seriously I can hug some of my more easygoing male mates, usually in a kind of half-hearted pat on the back way, but I find a lot of Irish are quite repressed emotionally and kind of comically concerned by any perceived threat to their machismo.

So what is best in these scenarios, a handshake? Some won't even do that and for them a comment like "safe journey" is as emotionally expressive as they're ever likely to get and they even say that through gritted teeth

Why can't we all just hug and be done with it? Nothing worse than the awkwardness of what kind of hello/goodbye etiquette is amenable to both parties

keane2097 · 31-03-2010 3:05pm

The kiss on the cheek is probably the only part of French culture worth adopting anywhere else :pac:

source · 31-03-2010 3:14pm

donfers wrote: »

Is this an Irish thing?

or a male thing?

or a human thing?

Example: you are not going to see someone for a long time, they might be leaving work or emigrating or have visited for a few days and are returning to their home or whatever

They might be a friend or family member you haven't seen in a while, you've met up. had a few drinks, a coffee, chatted away, had a laugh then it comes to the goodbye.

How to say goodbye?

man to woman etiquette (when you won't see her for a while) - what? a hug? a peck on the cheeks? Sometimes the woman is as stiff as a sack of potatoes and well if she doesn't have the most open of body languages how the hell am I supposed to embrace the ice-queen? A shake of the hands in this case is mightily formal, almost Victorian.....jesus, can't people get over their intimacy issues but if you think that's bad then let's move on to

man to man etiquette (when you won't see him for a while) - he could be your bestest buddy in the history of buddyship, he could be your brother who you went to war with but woe betide anybody who considereth the male on male hug for fear it might feminise us in some way or even worse homosexualise us, god forbid!!!!!

but seriously I can hug some of my more easygoing male mates, usually in a kind of half-hearted pat on the back way, but I find a lot of Irish are quite repressed emotionally and kind of comically concerned by any perceived threat to their machismo.

So what is best in these scenarios, a handshake? Some won't even do that and for them a comment like "safe journey" is as emotionally expressive as they're ever likely to get and they even say that through gritted teeth

Why can't we all just hug and be done with it? Nothing worse than the awkwardness of what kind of hello/goodbye etiquette is amenable to both parties

You could do with reading The Art of Manliness. It's a good blog with lots of tips on how to act correctly in the type of situation you describe.

Herbal Deity · 31-03-2010 6:08pm

It depends on the person, how well you know them, how often you see them and the context in which you are seeing them.

I don't know if willingness to hug people is necessarily a great indicator of security in oneself. I've known people who were incredibly concerned about hugging everyone in a group whenever they met or left them, to the point of appearing insecure as a result.

I tend to just go with the flow. When I see someone, depending on who it is and the context, I find I will subconsciously decide to greet them a certain way. When they pre-empt me, I find that what they had in mind as a greeting is rarely radically different to what I would have done anyway.

Khannie · 01-04-2010 9:01am

Herbal Deity wrote: »

I tend to just go with the flow. When I see someone, depending on who it is and the context, I find I will subconsciously decide to greet them a certain way. When they pre-empt me, I find that what they had in mind as a greeting is rarely radically different to what I would have done anyway.

I'm the same as this really. Mostly you can tell by the type of greeting what an appropriate level of contact is. It's not about how comfortable I am with hugging (big fan), it's about how comfortable the other person is.

BigDuffman · 01-04-2010 9:12am

With another bloke, a hand shake to under handed thumb grip and go for half embrace with manly double pat on back. Any more than 2 and its consoling any less and its an exclamation.

My choice parting statements, "safe home" "Good luck mate"

Regarding wimminz, if they are not related* have sex with them then leave.

*ppl from Laois / Offaly need not heed this warning

3hn2givr7mx1sc · 03-04-2010 7:49pm

BigDuffman wrote: »

With another bloke, a hand shake to under handed thumb grip and go for half embrace with manly double pat on back. Any more than 2 and its consoling any less and its an exclamation.

My choice parting statements, "safe home" "Good luck mate"

Regarding wimminz, if they are not related* have sex with them then leave.

*ppl from Laois / Offaly need not heed this warning

FYP.;)

I'm definately a hugger, and proud to be.:D

AnalFistyCuffs · 05-04-2010 1:45pm

For male to male,.....I would say genital cupping is possibly too informal a greeting but then again,....avoid the scenario of the father/son characters in the comedy movie Police Academy who constantly punch each other to show affection!

Seriously,....body language as they approach / your personal knowledge of the individual will dictate the appropriate gesture.
With a male to female,....a single kiss to one cheek with gentle handshake (twice shaken) will cover you. This will work both as a greeting and farewell.

Male to male,.....firm handshake (once) with cupping of his right elbow/thumb pressing on his bicep will do. If a long lost friend greeting,..add in a brief left arm hug/embrace as you shake hands (utter the phrase 'how the f**k are ya, ya humpy spa?' is acceptable.

May I take this opportunity to confirm I am not affiliated with freemasonary and do not belong to any fraternal society. Thank you 'brothers'

Uncertainty over hello/goodbye etiquette

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