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I can't figure him out

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  • 23-03-2008 11:33pm
    #1
    goth_detective
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭


    just recently i found out that one of my friends has a crush on me. Ive only known him about a year but would consider him to be a close friend. He's such a funny lovely guy but i dont have any interest in him other than a friendship. How do i let him know that all i want is a friendship????

    and ive got another problem:


    Ive had really strong feelings for one of my other male friends for a long time now. We get on really well and could talk to each other for hours. Up to only recently he was going out with someone so i didnt persue anything but now that hes single im not sure what to do. Sometimes i think that he has feelings for me too but then other times i dont. We can be quite flirty to each other but then other times when were out together i cant get him to utter a word to me.


    This has been bugging me for such a long time.Should i just move on from this or wait and see???


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    #2
    _Kaiser_
    Registered Users Posts: 28,729 ✭✭✭✭_Kaiser_


    Well the first guy you'll have to (gently) let know you're not interested if he makes a move. Be prepared that he may or may not react badly to this (out of embarassment) but it's better than letting him think something could happen between you. How did you find out he has a crush on you though?

    As far as the 2nd guy goes.. Yes there's the possibility that he mightn't be interested, but it's also possible (depending on how long he was with his ex and how it ended/who ended it) that he may not be ready - or looking - for another relationship yet.

    This one I'd suggest going on as you have. Flirt, have a laugh together and maybe suggest that you go out for a drink together (I'm assuming when you've been out so far it's been as a group) and just take it from there really.


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    #3
    Alice Junge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 77 ✭✭Alice Junge


    "but then other times when were out together i cant get him to utter a word to me." quote

    He likes you as a friend only I think.


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    #4
    Kell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    goth_detective wrote: »
    Ive had really strong feelings for one of my other male friends for a long time now. We get on really well and could talk to each other for hours.

    Oh for f*cks sake just tell him you like him. Whats the wost that could happen?

    Jebus, why is it always so complicated with you folk??

    K-


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    #5
    Mulan
    Registered Users Posts: 240 ✭✭Mulan


    On the ball "K"


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    #6
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    With the first guy - same as Kaiser said - you need to let him down gently. Just say that you're flattered but that you feel you guys are better as friends. (or something along those lines) It will be weird and awkward for a while (happened to me) but things will probably get better after a bit of time.

    The second guy, again Kaiser said just be careful as you don't know if this guy is looking for someone new just yet. But step up the game a little, maybe be a bit more flirty etc.. suss him out a bit more, maybe make more excuses to be alone with him. OR... if you think he can take it, tell him you like him.


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    #7
    Overheal
    Registered Users Posts: 81,892 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    With the friend - he can be let down gently, but be realistic about it. When a guy thinks theres still any sliver of chance - you still have a secret admirer ;)

    As for the lad - go for it. Keep flirting. Go with the flow. See what happens. If you want it, then flirt a little more than usual. If he doesnt want to go there it will show up in his behaviour.


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    #8
    takola
    Registered Users Posts: 4,138 ✭✭✭takola


    I agree with Kaiser about the first guy. Let him down gently. Don't bull**** or wrap it up in compliments either though. "I really appreciate you as a friend but nothing else is going to happen."

    I'd agree with Kell on the second guy. Just tell him. No mind games, No wrecking your head trying to figure out what he's thinking or if he likes you. Just tell him you like him. He can say I only like you as a friend and it will be awkward for a bit but you'll get over it. You flirt with him and think all is going well and then he starts seeing someone else and you start to wonder what was going on, feel like he was leading you on and then you feel betrayed. End of friendship right there! Just tell him. Deal with the awkwardness if there is any or enjoy it if he likes you back!


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    #9
    CherrySugarPlum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15 ✭CherrySugarPlum


    As regards to the first guy, i've been in that situation before. he was a realy good mate but i didnt have a clue that he liked me until i started going out with a mutual friend of ours. because of the way things worked out i ended up losing his friendship permenantly even though i did everything i could to spare his feelings. my advice is let the first guy know your not in any way interested in him before pursueing the second guy as the first guy could get jealous.


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    #10
    Overheal
    Registered Users Posts: 81,892 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    I agree with Plum: whether intented or not, from his perspective its going to seem like a backstab. If you want to spare your friends feelings speak with him before anything else.


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    #11
    goth_detective
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭goth_detective


    Kaiser2000 wrote: »
    How did you find out he has a crush on you though?

    he actually told my friend that he had a crush on me and then she told me.


    thanks to everyones advice!!! i am going to try be a little more flirty and actually tell the second guy i like him and see whatever comes of it....

    he was only going out with her for about 3 months and he broke up with her....to answer your qs


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    #12
    Lorrs33
    Registered Users Posts: 690 ✭✭✭Lorrs33


    goth_detective wrote: »
    just recently i found out that one of my friends has a crush on me. Ive only known him about a year but would consider him to be a close friend. He's such a funny lovely guy but i dont have any interest in him other than a friendship. How do i let him know that all i want is a friendship????

    and ive got another problem:


    Ive had really strong feelings for one of my other male friends for a long time now. We get on really well and could talk to each other for hours. Up to only recently he was going out with someone so i didnt persue anything but now that hes single im not sure what to do. Sometimes i think that he has feelings for me too but then other times i dont. We can be quite flirty to each other but then other times when were out together i cant get him to utter a word to me.


    This has been bugging me for such a long time.Should i just move on from this or wait and see???

    With reference to the first problem, I was in that situation. If he hasn't forwardly said it to you, then there's no need to go telling him to back off. If it's anything like my situation, he'll meet someone else and that's your problem solved.


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