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Boyfriend on drugs

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  • 01-02-2008 3:49pm
    #1
    FloatingAngel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭


    Myself and my bf hav been with eachother for a year and a half now-when we first got together we both did a bit of coke. i stopped doin it when i realised it was getting to much. he struggled with it. i told him to get help and i would help him through it. i thought this was the worst of it until he started taking perscription tablets and then it moved over to heroine. i didn't know this for ages but it turned out that he nearly died from the stuff & he said it helped him through difficult times...he is now getting help and wants to go to a treatment centre. he isn't that bad at the moment as he didn't do it all the time but he was startin to rely on it!! i went mad about it all and told him i was leaving him. i have since calmed down and told him ill once again help him get through it. i am very stressed out at the moment and im not sure how to deal with it all. i don't understand why he would do this to himself and to me but he says if he could stop he would......


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    #2
    dirtyharry1971
    Closed Accounts Posts: 65 ✭✭dirtyharry1971


    This may sound harsh but if he doesn't stop you may need to consider finishing this before you get dragged down too. I dabbled with drugs sometimes but heroin is a very different thing its physically addictive which is what makes it so hard to give up. You get physically sick if you don't take your medicine (very very dangerous) I had a coke pill problem but it was more just I liked going out on weekend long binges admittedly that got out of hand and I had to stop and I did-ish (still dabble now and again)

    I know people who went down the road of doing the other heavier stuff and it always ends in tears and in situations where someone who is an occasional drug user (which you admitted you are) is close to someone going down that road trys to help and stay with them they can often end up trying it too and also becoming hooked. Never say never Ive often done things after Ive had a few drinks that I swore I'd never do. Sometimes you have to be careful with the company you keep as a form of harm reduction for yourself. Again I don't know all the details maybe he's worth saving just make sure your strong enough to go through this if you choose to do so


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    #3
    Winters
    Registered Users Posts: 14,761 ✭✭✭✭Winters


    Become an hero.


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    #4
    cheridere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 102 ✭✭cheridere


    You will always be second to the Gear, get away from him as soon as possible:(


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    #5
    Tony H
    Registered Users Posts: 1,491 ✭✭✭Tony H


    I think in the long term you would be better off making the hard choice now and finishing this relationship , once a person starts on heroin it takes over their life and destroys everyone around them as well , I know this from personal experience , my younger brother died with a needle in his arm , he had dabbled in drugs from an early age and we thought he had finally finished with them .he was doing well in his life when he relapsed and died from an overdose ,he had everything to live for , a beautiful son and a loving girlfriend but he could not resist the draw of heroin and it killed him in the end and left his many friends and family devastated,I know this does not happen to every addict and a lot recover but it is always in the background waiting to rear its ugly head .
    Best of Luck
    Tony


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    #6
    funloving
    Closed Accounts Posts: 396 ✭✭funloving


    I don't understand how you could suggest to break up with him NOW..he needs help,support and love.
    It seems that people wanna be in a relationship only having good times together...
    What if you had a problem or something?Would you like your partner to leave you in a moment of need?
    I would be even closer to my boy,no matter what showing him my love,my strenght and my help.
    Of course he needs to go to rehab and so on but he also need to feel loved and not left alone.


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    #7
    Jessicad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭Jessicad


    Deffo leave him and make him realise what he is losing. If you're worth it he will try to give up and come back to you...:(


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    #8
    funloving
    Closed Accounts Posts: 396 ✭✭funloving


    Do you think it's easy for him to say"ok,from now on Iwon't take any drugs anymore"...it takes a lot of strenght he probably hasn't ,otherwise he wouldn't be a drug addicted..
    I had a friend who took heroin,coke and other stuff and she stopped thanks to her desire to get better and the strenght,support and so on her family and friends gave her.


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    #9
    RuailleBuaille
    Registered Users Posts: 521 ✭✭✭RuailleBuaille


    FloatingAngel, this is hard for you and I sympathise but I think realistically you're in a no-win situation. I read your post in Ricey's Heroin thread and as I said there myself, you can't make, cajole, encourage or love someone into recovery. The choice is his. As I mentioned in that thread I have three friends who are dead because of the gear and my attitude now is just leave them be because if my goodwill and efforts made any difference, my friends would still be alive. Your own drug use sounds like it could be problematic here too because you found it easier than he did and he could start to resent this fact. You want to be his partner, friend, lover, not his carer. It won't work, if he wants to use he will and nothing anybody does will stop him. That said, if HE is the one making moves to go into treatment then supprot him 100% but then keep your distance. This is his disease and unfortunately it's the most insidious one which poisons all around it, users or not. Please think about yourself here - if he was turning on and you didn't even know then it's as bad as it's going to get and you need to protect yourself.


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    #10
    RuailleBuaille
    Registered Users Posts: 521 ✭✭✭RuailleBuaille


    funloving wrote: »
    I don't understand how you could suggest to break up with him NOW..he needs help,support and love.
    It seems that people wanna be in a relationship only having good times together...
    What if you had a problem or something?Would you like your partner to leave you in a moment of need?
    I would be even closer to my boy,no matter what showing him my love,my strenght and my help.
    Of course he needs to go to rehab and so on but he also need to feel loved and not left alone.

    You clearly have no experience of heroin addiction. Love, support and help are not worth a **** when it comes down to it. A junkie will choose drugs every time. My step-brother is on the gear for years, he had three beautiful children and a wife who would do anything for him, she gave him all the love, help and support it is possible to give and he still f*cked off and is now living on the streets last we heard. So no, I don't agree. When dealing with addiction, self preservation is the key because your intentions mean **** to those in the grips of addiction.


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    #11
    funloving
    Closed Accounts Posts: 396 ✭✭funloving


    ItchyInside wrote: »
    You clearly have no experience of heroin addiction. Love, support and help are not worth a **** when it comes down to it. A junkie will choose drugs every time. My step-brother is on the gear for years, he had three beautiful children and a wife who would do anything for him, she gave him all the love, help and support it is possible to give and he still f*cked off and is now living on the streets last we heard. So no, I don't agree. When dealing with addiction, self preservation is the key because your intentions mean **** to those in the grips of addiction.

    If you read my posts better you will see that I have experience of drug addiction..one of my best friend,an ex bf of mine...
    I wrote that what saved my friend was her DESIRE to get better...and also love,support etc...on their own these things can do nothing at all.
    The OP should preserve herself,of course,she doesn't deserve to be dragged down but I would try and help my bf as well.
    This is what I would do and you can't judge me for thinking this.


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    #12
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Heroin doesn't get anyone through hard times....it simply creates them.

    Tell your fella to kick it or you walk.

    Junkies don't just take themselves out, they normally do a lot of damage to everyone around them as well and if he can't kick it, then a junkie he will be till the day he dies.


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    #13
    RuailleBuaille
    Registered Users Posts: 521 ✭✭✭RuailleBuaille


    funloving wrote: »
    If you read my posts better you will see that I have experience of drug addiction..one of my best friend,an ex bf of mine...
    I wrote that what saved my friend was her DESIRE to get better...and also love,support etc...on their own these things can do nothing at all.
    The OP should preserve herself,of course,she doesn't deserve to be dragged down but I would try and help my bf as well.
    This is what I would do and you can't judge me for thinking this.

    I read your posts 'better' as you suggested, I think you missed the distinction I made about HEROIN addiction, I would not suggest the same course of action for someone giving up cigarettes or pills, my point dealt with heroin addiction only. It's up there with the heavyweights and I know from bitter personal experience (including my friend being found dead the day he was to start treatment after having 'one last turn-on' - it really was his last and he had every intention of getting clean) that NOTHING anybody says or does will change the re-wiring that heroin causes in the brain. I admire the fact you would wish to support your BF but I also know you're being naive in how you overestimate the effect it would have. You are totally powerless when dealing with a heroin, coke, crack or alcohol addict. You think NA and AA tell people the first step can only be the addict's because they're 'mean'? You think your friend would have gotten clean on love and support alone? I'm not judging you, just disagreeing with you.


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    #14
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    Winters wrote: »
    Become an hero.

    You have been on boards long enough to know the PI charter. You also know what is and isnt acceptable to post.
    The fcat your a mod makes no difference
    Banned 1 week. Should know better


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    #15
    funloving
    Closed Accounts Posts: 396 ✭✭funloving


    ItchyInside wrote: »
    I read your posts 'better' as you suggested, I think you missed the distinction I made about HEROIN addiction, I would not suggest the same course of action for someone giving up cigarettes or pills, my point dealt with heroin addiction only. It's up there with the heavyweights and I know from bitter personal experience (including my friend being found dead the day he was to start treatment after having 'one last turn-on' - it really was his last and he had every intention of getting clean) that NOTHING anybody says or does will change the re-wiring that heroin causes in the brain. I admire the fact you would wish to support your BF but I also know you're being naive in how you overestimate the effect it would have. You are totally powerless when dealing with a heroin, coke, crack or alcohol addict. You think NA and AA tell people the first step can only be the addict's because they're 'mean'? You think your friend would have gotten clean on love and support alone? I'm not judging you, just disagreeing with you.

    Maybe my English is too poor to make you understand what I mean...
    Love,support and all that can do NOTHING alone but if I person,like that friend of mine,wants to stop taking drugs like heroin,coke, the help of the family and friends around could make them feel less lonely in dealing with this.
    Does that make any more sense now to you?
    Hope at least somebody understood what I mean here.
    I agree with you in everything but leaving the person alone..that's all


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    #16
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Watch Adam & PAul and then think about what this could lead to. As posters have said. You wil lbe second to the gear. And also, are you sure he's never shared a needle?

    If he couldn't get off coke I don't rate his chances with gear. What's the net benefit here for you?


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    #17
    FloatingAngel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭FloatingAngel


    Thanks for all your replys. it is him who wants to stop doin it-he doesn't do it everyday, i think he was doing it every once and a while and is now realising that he needs to stop b4 it gets any worse. im not sure if thats any better to a full blow herion addict but im sure it isn't far off. everyone i know think he's just tryin to get of coke so there is no 1 really that i can talk to about it. he's not the best at explaining it all to me, he has a lot of problems at home and he was v.stressed out and said it helped in them times & made everything seem better but i don't understand why he doesn't think logically and see that it'll only wear off after a while and everything will still be the same....


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