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Your opinions needed!

  • 30-01-2008 1:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, I'm a frequent reader here but rarely post but I'm hoping to get some opinions from you. Forgive me if my post is a bit rambling.

    I'm a 31 year old single mother to a 6 year old boy. My sons father is not in the picture and does not contribute to our lives at all. I'm living in a nice area in Dublin, I have a part time job to make ends meet, I'm taking an evening class once a week and I'm going to be going to University in September. I'm lucky to have parents who take my son overnight once a week so that I can get out and socialise a bit and I have a large group of friends to choose from when I get the opportunity to get out and have some fun which is brilliant. Generally though, I spend the rest of the week alone when my son is at school. Now I know that I should be happy with my life and in general I am, but I would like to find someone to share my life with. I have been living out of Ireland for 3 years and returned last summer. My friends have their own lives now so apart from the odd night at the weekend, I don't really see or chat to adults all week. It has been suggested to me to do this or that, but it always involves money which there is really none to spare.

    My questions is this: am I really fooling myself in thinking that there are men out there that are interested in having a relationship with someone who already has a kid and can't get out more than once a week and wants to have a partner who will just hang out at home the rest of the week long? I'm not unattractive, I have a good sense of humour and know how to enjoy myself and (I think anyway!) that I am kind, loving and intelligent.

    Your thoughts would be appreciated!


Comments

  • #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Unrego wrote: »
    am I really fooling myself in thinking that there are men out there that are interested in having a relationship with someone who already has a kid and can't get out more than once a week and wants to have a partner who will just hang out at home the rest of the week long?

    When I met my partner my daughter was 12 at the time. We're together 8 years now. You're not fooling yourself at all.
    There are lots of men out there who will be only be too happy to spend time with you. You just need to get out and about in order to meet them.


  • #3
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    I agree with beruthiel.
    There are plenty of guys out there who would love to spend time with you and for whom you having a child is not an issue.


    It really is as simple as she says. get out there and enjoy, dont worry too muhc, be yourself and it will happen.
    More importantly be positive about it :)

    Edit: I recall threads here by single dads askin for the same.

    So both sides of the equation are there.

    its juts a matter of find ing the: =


  • #4
    denhaagenite
    Registered Users Posts: 1,169 ✭✭✭denhaagenite


    I have a mate who had three children when she met her now husband 6 years ago. They now have four children altogether, the others have a relationship with their father and everyone is very happy- and you're just a couple of years younger than her so you've loads of time!!


  • #5
    geminilady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 273 ✭✭geminilady


    I agree with the other posters about the children question. Well done on deciding to go back to uni Good luck with it hope it goes well for you.


  • #6
    DublinWriter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,559 ✭✭✭DublinWriter


    Unrego wrote: »
    Your thoughts would be appreciated!
    Although the sad truth is that many guys will run a mile once they hear you have a child, this in itself is not a bad thing, think of it as an a*shole filter.


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  • #7
    chump
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,807 ✭✭✭chump


    DublinWriter wrote: »
    Although the sad truth is that many guys will run a mile once they hear you have a child, this in itself is not a bad thing, think of it as an a*shole filter.


    Yea, because some blokes have different plans for their short term future than to start cosying up to an anchored woman?

    The reality is, some blokes won't be interested in the lifestyle you lead.
    It's nothing to do with them being an as*hole.

    But Beruthiel is correct in saying
    There are lots of men out there who will be only be too happy to spend time with you. You just need to get out and about in order to meet them.

    Good luck


  • #8
    Spilly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭Spilly


    There must be single father's out there also that you meet that feel the same way. You have a large social group so I suppose you will eventually meet somebody. You are probably accepting that you might miss sharing a precious time in your life..


  • #9
    King of Kings
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭King of Kings


    Unrego wrote: »

    My questions is this: am I really fooling myself in thinking that there are men out there that are interested in having a relationship with someone who already has a kid and can't get out more than once a week and wants to have a partner who will just hang out at home the rest of the week long? I'm not unattractive, I have a good sense of humour and know how to enjoy myself and (I think anyway!) that I am kind, loving and intelligent.

    Your thoughts would be appreciated!

    nope there loads of us guys in same situation who only want 1 night a week out cos of commitments.

    i'm the same age as you and in the same situation ie. have a son and only availble 1 (maybe 2) night a week to head out.

    I met somebody 2 months ago who is grand with this and so far so good -in fact sitting in can be more fun.


  • #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

    I have been seeing a single father for the past 3 months and at the beginning thought that this was a perfect match but unfortunately it hasn't worked out that way. It seems that he has gotten used to only having his son at certain times during the week and wants to continue having the batchelor lifestyle when he doesn't have his son. It has actually left me feeling wary of getting involved with someone with children again! Isn't that in itself, ridiculous?!

    "The reality is, some blokes won't be interested in the lifestyle you lead.
    It's nothing to do with them being an as*hole."

    I would agree with this statement - this guy I have been seeing is fantastic, it's just unfortunate that we have different priorities and he is not interested in being tied down "again".


  • #11
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    Unrego: it strikes me that you went into it with expecations or placed expectations on it:

    "at the beginning thought that this was a perfect match"

    Did the guy ever say that he wanted to settle or where you reading more into it?


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  • #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    To be fair, he did give me high expectationsa from the outset and then he realised 2 months in that he wasn't able to give of himself what I needed and what he initially thought he could give too. It wasn't really anyones fault. I probably wouldn't have had any expectations at all but was then given some because he told me that he wanted a serious relationship etc.

    We are both mad about each other, but have realised that we want different things from our lives and so have decided to part ways.

    Maybe you are right about having expectations - but is it wrong to have some? My friends opinions vary. Some say you should have expectations and make them clear at the outset (you don't want to waste any more of your precious time!), others say just roll with it and see what happens. I can see both points of view...


  • #13
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    Fair enough: Thats why i asked the question. i wonder if he had said things initially which lead to that.

    Well I never tend to go into things with expectations (i.e. accept what is happening in the now) but will have made it clear what i want so that the other person is clear about it and has time to think yes or no.

    Does that make sense?


  • #14
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    I gave something like this a shot recently.....to be honest, if you'd asked me beforehand if I wanted this, I'd probably have said no, but then I started thinking that it's got to do with the person, not their past or their history.

    Yeah, there are people who'll want to go out 5 nights a week, and they won't suit ya.

    Plus, if EVERY night is a night in, or if the person with the child seems to want to use the babysitter night as a night to go out with her mates instead of having fun with her b/f, or if there is no opportunity for passion or "two of you" time, it'll put a serious strain on things.

    But there are plenty of people who'd be prepared to give it a shot.....I know I surprised myself at how OK I was with it, and how I would - given a chance - have stuck with it to see how it went.....


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