Stuck in a rut

ParkRunner · 29-02-2008 12:13am #1

Hi,

Well basically my story is that Im a 25 year old male, working in the civil service recently moved out of home into rented accommodation sharing with 3 others. I am however stuck at the bottom of the civil service, have had a few interviews for promotion but never get them.

I have a lot of qualifications..a degree, postgrad diploma, all 8 FE1 law society exams and working towards a masters yet all those years of study seem to have counted for nothing.

I have few friends as I am very shy and also have a stammer so find it very difficult to use the telephone..this also has affected my job prospects.

Am on anti depressants but they are doing nothing for me. Cant afford proper treatment because my wages are very low. Also I am drinking a lot so am only meeting my bills and nothing more.

I have looked for help but my choices are becoming scaringly limited..life seems pretty crap basically and I feel miserable

Lurvely · 29-02-2008 12:24am

Firstly the drink, you mention that your drinking a lot? Drink is a major depressant & its such a vicious circle..you drink to feel better yet after you only feel worse...i know if i went on a session id feel depressed the next day or even a couple of days after.

Why not organise to do things with the couple of friends you have? Get them to introduce you to their friends & build your friend circle like that?

Also chat to your doctor about the anti depressants..tell him that theyre not working for you..im not sure but should you be drinking while taking them? Not too sure about that.

ParkRunner · 29-02-2008 12:33am

Drinking definitely doesnt help but it is the only way I feel confident to talk to anyone or feel relaxed. I spend a lot of time on my own, am going to 2 concerts this weekend alone like I do most things

Lurvely · 29-02-2008 1:34am

id generally feel more confident after a couple of drinks too but try not to overdo it, itll only be negative in the long run.

Spending too much time on your own isnt good either, why not try joining a class of some description where you could meet people with similiar interests?

tuppence · 29-02-2008 1:44am

I think you are great for coming on here and posting this thread for a start. Well done.
Have you thought about tackling the stammering issue, perhaps get advice about good therapies. There is a forum here as you probably know. Maybe if you were to start working on this any movement could assist in your general confidence. If nothing else it would be a way of meeting people in the same boat.
Perhaps meditation or yoga in the meantime as well to help breathing and calmness?
I suppose you do know the route really you need to be going is back to your G.P for a referral for counselling. They possibly could suggest cognitive/behavioural to tackle the root rather than the symptoms. You have alot you should be proud of, very qualified and still moving forward. Dont lose sight of these things.
The thing is too that you have moved out of home quite recently which is a big step but something positive too. Is there some one of the three in the house you could feel comfortable talking with?

Good luck.

Esel · 29-02-2008 3:01am

There is an open competition for Executive Officer on www.publicjobs.ie at the moment. Go for it. And keep going for internal vacancies too.

Cut way back on the alcohol though - as said above, it's a depressant.

Stick with the anti-depressant medication too. How long are you on it?

lindollars · 29-02-2008 9:42am

OP, all good advice above, but one thing to add, if you have been passed over for promotion, have you gotten feedback as to why you didn't get the job? So next time you can build on this, maybe you are giving a bad impression and dont even realise it... I think that recognising that you are in a rut and want to move forward can be half the battle so well done.

ParkRunner · 29-02-2008 11:03am

Im on the anti depressants for 3 months now but they are only a very mild form, I havent noticed any change from them. I went to the doctor and he referred me to speech therapy in the HSE but there is a waiting list for this so nothing much I can do there. My boss in work is trying to get funding for private speech therapy so with any luck that will come through.
Got feedback too on the last interview I did and I just went down on one competency, the feedback is not very detailed but I thought I did pretty well in the interview. I have applied too for the latest EO panel on public jobs so I am trying, it feels like I just have to wait for things to happen although I have been doing that for a long time now

Miss Fluff · 29-02-2008 11:57am

Well done on getting all eight FE1's, that's no mean feat. Why don't you get out of the civil service altogether and apply for work in a solicitors office.

Cut out the drink until Easter to give yourself a break and enable you to think straight.

Also, give these guys a call and see if they can help with your stammer:

Irish Stammering Association
Carmichael House
North Brunswick Street
Dublin 7
Helpline: 00353 1872 4405
Website: www.stjames.ie/isa/

YOU and you only have the ability to make these changes. Yes, you are stuck in a rut but give yourself the push you deserve and things will start turning around for you. Good luck

Ger the man · 29-02-2008 12:04pm

Anti-depressant tablets do nothing mate, you would be better off going for a long walk or why not try running, drinking to feel better is not the answer.

Esel · 01-03-2008 1:07am

Ger the man wrote: »

Anti-depressant tablets do nothing mate, you would be better off going for a long walk or why not try running, drinking to feel better is not the answer.

Can't agree with this!

OP, after three months, the ADs should definitely have kicked in. You say a mild form - do you mean a low dose? Have you been back to your doctor? THe doctor should either increase the dosage or maybe switch you a different drug.

LuckyLloyd · 01-03-2008 2:09am

The first thing that I think is worth noting is that you are most definitely not the only mid twenties male living in Ireland who is feeling trapped; fed up and lonely. There are probably hundreds and thousands of guys out there who are doing little more than passing through life on a week to week basis - with no real feeling of self satisfaction or self - confidence in what they are achieving and where they currently are.

By writing your first post in this thread you are taking a small but significant step in the right direction - so well done to you.

You speak of your various qualifications and it certainly appears that you are a bright fella with the ability to put the head down and get stuff done. However, I think it is very easy for people to drift through school and college doing enough to keep themselves ticking over and using the actualities of what they need to do on a weekly basis as an escape from how they really feel about themselves and how happy they are.

I'm not sure that concentrating on the drinking is the right place to start (not that excessive drinking would ever help). Turning to drink happens when you are unhappy about other things. It is a symptom of a deeper problem. Do you enjoy your current job? Are you in it because you always wanted to work in the Civil Service or because you fell into it? Are you staying in it because you would genuinely like to work up the ranks there or because it is "safe" and offers financial stability?

Are you happy in your new accommodation? Do you like the people you are sharing with? Are you there because you genuinely chose this place or because it was the first that became available?

When I finished college I fell into a career type job and spent the last two and a half years earning money and getting ahead. Along the way I kinda forgot to ask myself if I was really happy with what I was doing on a daily basis. I realized I wasn't and the notice was handed in last week. I've always wanted to head off traveling and I just decided that having money; career prospects; stability etc, etc ain't all that at 24.

There are no easy answers to your predicament. What is right for me or anyone else will be different to what is right for you. The only advice I could give you is to sit down and really ask yourself if what you are doing on a weekly basis is what you want - or what you do to just keep surviving and struggling on. If you can go out and earn qualifications then you can change what you are doing and do something else that makes you happy. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LOCATION; YOUR JOB; YOUR HEALTH IF YOU WANT TO.

But putting the hand up and realizing that you aren't happy with where you are is a really important place to start. So chin up. I wish you the very best of luck in figuring out what lane to change into.

skyhighflyer · 01-03-2008 3:36am

Did you think about getting on the prospective trainee register on the Law Society website? With those quals you're wasted at the bottom rung of the civil service. Also, the law society runs a seminar called 'finding your training contrct' which can be useful.

If you did secure a training contract, you'd have the social element of training and studying with other students, as well as having something more intellectually challenging to do and the goal of qualification to work towards.

Best of Luck

Rossibaby · 01-03-2008 3:44am

mate,how about joining a sports team or that or some sort of club...thats a great way to meet new people and they will be easy to talk to as you can just talk about the club/sport.plus exercise will be good for you and put you in a great mood,nothing like it!

ParkRunner · 01-03-2008 12:39pm

Thanks for all the posts, they are very interesting comments. I have applied for dozens of training contracts with solicitors firms and I have been offered lots of interviews but they never offer me the job once they meet me and see I can't communicate as well as other people. Not only solicitors but I have applied for other jobs too. Im not saying I should automatically be offered a job just because of my qualifications but I think if someone was to give me an opportunity I would over time be able to show that I can do as good if not a better job than most.

The place I am working now is very interesting but being on the bottom rung means I am not really involved in anything challenging. My bosses have given me great reviews and have done all they can to give me the best chance of success at promotion but the rigidity of the civil service, I believe, has meant that a lot of people are in positions which are mismatched with their abilities and qualifications. I am lucky having the boss I have as she has sourced funding for private speech therapy for me so with any luck that will help.

The anti-depressants I am on are a low dosage and I would rather just cut them out altogether, I will be going back to my doctor soon to see if I can do that.
As for sports I do go swimming a lot and have started playing indoor football whenever I can. With the submission date for my thesis coming up it is hard to commit to anything though at the moment.

The house is working out well, I moved out of home because of commuting problems and there is not much happiness in that house. I am out nearly 6 months now and while it is eating up my wages I couldnt go back. It is since then really that I have hit the drink. I know I shouldnt be doing it but it is hard

Stuck in a rut

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