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One night stand that should not have happened.

  • 26-02-2008 9:16pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi people.



    I've not got a problem or maybe i just need to vent or maybe i just need to get some out sider veiws who know's.

    But last night I had a one night stand. I've had quite a few, 99% of the time i feel like this and right now im feeling confussed, I feel like an emotional car wreck. For me Ive only ever had four 1 night stand's, I dunno why i did it and it is not really worth it for me.

    This girl Cat she's a friend and she's also some one who i think is really cool, and attractive. We where pretty wasted last night and where flirting and It was allways just a flirt with each other. But last night it went a bit to far, at the end of the night I was hurding the punters and came accross her and we had a bit more of a flirt, and i pecked her on the lips and said il see you in a bit... so i did that and the next thing I know. Where in the club getting intamet, and where leaveing!

    Now whats bothering me is this should not off happened and im more pissed of with my self as well as anoyed with the fact I know better. So now im stuck in a rut I know my self and I know, for a fact that Im not emotional strong enough for one night stands and I'm very happy being single. But I can't esscape the fact that she said soem really nice things to me after sex and now im stuck with the guilt allready that im going to have to hurt somebody and hurting some one who is a friend. along with the fact that I dont do one night stands. Because i feel they are emotionally draining in a strange way like an emptyness.

    So has any one gpt any veiws on how I can go about this with out being a complete insenstive ass hole because thats not something i want to be or be known for.

    thanks for your time....


Comments

  • #2
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    If she's that cool and that attractive why don't you ask her out? Then it's not a one night stand


  • #3
    estar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 801 ✭✭✭estar


    and go out with her

    you might not fnd someone as nice again


  • #4
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    First of all, spellcheck.

    Second, if you're not into one night stands than why have you had 4?


  • #5
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85,066 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    I'm also having trouble deciphering your moral compass here. One night stands make you feel like sh*t yet this girl is speaking with you intimately in bed and .... what? Why guilt? Why do you have to hurt her? I'm missing something here.

    As for one night stands if they make you feel like crap (and I've never heard anything terribly constructive about the practice) why can't you reach a certain point where you Stop? Most people choose the front door.


  • #6
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Overheal wrote: »
    I'm also having trouble deciphering your moral compass here. One night stands make you feel like sh*t yet this girl is speaking with you intimately in bed and .... what? Why guilt? Why do you have to hurt her? I'm missing something here.

    As for one night stands if they make you feel like crap (and I've never heard anything terribly constructive about the practice) why can't you reach a certain point where you Stop? Most people choose the front door.

    Seems like a great idea when you're horny. as for the guilt he's getting it because he's happy being single & obviously this girl likes him


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  • #7
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    I'm confuddled:
    Saipent wrote: »
    But last night I had a one night stand. I've had quite a few
    For me Ive only ever had four 1 night stand's
    Why do you have to tell her you don't want to take things any further? Why not go with the flow and see if this develops into a relationship? You're the one who's saying you don't feel right having one-night stands. So here's your chance to have more "meaningful" encounters.


  • #8
    Gary ITR
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,801 ✭✭✭✭Gary ITR


    Dudess wrote: »
    I'm confuddled:


    Why do you have to tell her you don't want to take things any further? Why not go with the flow and see if this develops into a relationship? You're the one who's saying you don't feel right having one-night stands. So here's your chance to have more "meaningful" encounters.

    I think he meant quite a few, as in a few drinks


  • #9
    Gordon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    It seems like there's some contradictory statements in the OP so maybe Saipent can clarify.

    Are you trying to say that you are worried that you have to now lie to your friend to keep this a one night stand? You knew you wanted a one nighter but you told her lies to get her into bed and now you feel regret and have to face the music?


  • #10
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Your spellng hurts my eyes. Nothwithstanding that, you're saying that you want to be single. HELLO?! Has this girl asked you out, sent you flowers of chocolates or turned up outside your door at 2am professing her love. What have you got to feel guilty about. It was a one night stand. It happens. If you want to be single, don't ask her out. Give her the courtesy of a text or a call saying, look last night was great but I don't want a realtionship and let her deal with that in her own way. This girl has made her own choices. She'll prob feel sad for a few hours and then go home with a co-worker on the weekend, get married and raise little babies. Sheesh.


  • #11
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Maybe the OP is dyslexic. It's unfair to criticise his spelling when you don't know the reason for it.


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  • #12
    theAwakening
    Registered Users Posts: 254 ✭✭theAwakening


    why should you be the one who has to feel guilty, assuming u both wanted to have sex with each other.

    maybe all she wanted was a one night stand anyway so why worry


  • #13
    r3nu4l
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,399 ✭✭✭✭r3nu4l


    Dudess wrote: »
    Maybe the OP is dyslexic. It's unfair to criticise his spelling when you don't know the reason for it.

    Dudess speaks the truth here!

    Anyway Sapient, do you want a relationship with this girl? Would she be up for it? Are you afraid of commitment? Entering a relationship with someone is merely a statment of your feelings for them and a commitment that you won't be with anyone else while you are with them. You can quit a relationship at any time if it's not working. ;)

    One night stands are fine so long as it's done safely and both parties are consenting adults and free to be with someone else imo. Too many can be draining as they become meaningless. If you really like this girl, ask her out. Go for it. You've already slept with her but make it clear that by asking her out you aren't just looking for a regular easy ride and that you actually like her!!


  • #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    r3nu4l wrote: »
    Dudess speaks the truth here!

    Anyway Sapient, do you want a relationship with this girl? Would she be up for it? Are you afraid of commitment? Entering a relationship with someone is merely a statment of your feelings for them and a commitment that you won't be with anyone else while you are with them. You can quit a relationship at any time if it's not working. ;)

    One night stands are fine so long as it's done safely and both parties are consenting adults and free to be with someone else imo. Too many can be draining as they become meaningless. If you really like this girl, ask her out. Go for it. You've already slept with her but make it clear that by asking her out you aren't just looking for a regular easy ride and that you actually like her!!


    No i dont, simply because im on my own mission of self discoverey and enjoying the fact Ive No ties.
    Im not affriad of commitment im avoiding it, simply because i dont wanna get my self into the position. Why get into a releationship if i dont want to.
    I like this girl as a friend shes cool but im not up for anything else it was a pretty drunkin night and well to go further would be a shame Because I dont want that. I think I feel guilty because im being selfish ? aand thinking off what i want and at the moment i dont want a girlfriend like serously me with a gf at the moment im just uninterested in getting involved with any one. Simply because I'm happy where my life is :D..... Is that bad ?


    But any way sorry for having really gash spelling , Ive banged my head quite a lot recently... and I am dislexic. but apoligys to the phillostines for my bad spelling :p please take that as a joke :)


  • #15
    McSween
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,290 ✭✭✭McSween


    I have had a good few one night stands over the years :cool::D. Seriously, some women will never speak to you again, some will and some will even go home with you again.

    If you feel guilty about it she will love you I'd say. Only problem I have now is I can't stay in a relationship for long, partially cos I love the thrill of a one night stand, partially cos I don't really want to go out with anyone and to an extent I have compared every bird to one whom I was mad about and she ended it 3 years ago.


  • #16
    ashy28
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭ashy28


    Have you thought of the fact that the girl might only have wanted a one night stand too. Nothing that you have said indicates that she wants anything more from you. I think your making too much of this whole situation.


  • #17
    Bluetonic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,588 ✭✭✭Bluetonic


    ashy28 wrote: »
    Have you thought of the fact that the girl might only have wanted a one night stand too. Nothing that you have said indicates that she wants anything more from you. I think your making too much of this whole situation.

    Read OP again.
    Saipent wrote: »
    But I can't esscape the fact that she said soem really nice things to me after sex and now im stuck with the guilt allready that im going to have to hurt somebody and hurting some one who is a friend.


  • #18
    Gemini Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭Gemini Sister


    McSween wrote: »
    I have had a good few one night stands over the years :cool::D. Seriously, some women will never speak to you again, some will and some will even go home with you again.

    If you feel guilty about it she will love you I'd say. Only problem I have now is I can't stay in a relationship for long, partially cos I love the thrill of a one night stand, partially cos I don't really want to go out with anyone and to an extent I have compared every bird to one whom I was mad about and she ended it 3 years ago.

    You sounds like about 50% of the blokes out there and about 20% of the women. (Meself included). :D


  • #19
    Gemini Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭Gemini Sister


    Hi OP.

    I feel your pain on this one. I also feel hers.


    You are actually a nice guy, you are actually mature enough to realise that one night stands suck arse and to realise that you met a nice girl and care about her. But you also have very cool and reasonable notions about what you want for yourself.

    Thats makes me think you are cool enough to send this girl a text/call her/ say next time you see her - that you think she's GREAT. BUT (the acursed word!) its not right for you now.

    Bite the bullet. Doesn't mean she won't be sticking pins in a 'you' doll for awhile but she'll look back & respect you despite yourself.
    And who knows what might happen in the future ;)


  • #20
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Saipent wrote: »
    But I can't esscape the fact that she said soem really nice things to me after sex and now im stuck with the guilt allready that im going to have to hurt somebody and hurting some one who is a friend.

    Do people not normally say nice things to people after sex?


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