Long distance relationship. .waste of time?

Thebigblue · 22-07-2014 9:13pm #1

Hi all

Hope someone out there is in same situation as me and can share their personal experiences.
Im 25 and the other half is 31. We've been together a year.
He recently moved to new Zealand for work purposes and doesn't know when he'll be back. I miss him extremely and feel like I've been cheated out of my rightful time with him.
And ladies or men out their in similar situations? How do you feel about them since they've left/youve left? Have you fallen out of love due to the lack of physical contact? Im paranoid he doesn't love me anymore even though its only been 3 weeks

if anyone out there was the one leaving did you still love the person you left behind?

Please all women and men out there, share their stories

Amirani · 22-07-2014 11:19pm

Mod

Hi Thebigblue,

I've moved your thread to Relationship Issues as it's the best place to talk about your query. Best of luck!

CaraMay · 23-07-2014 5:36am

Some work and some don't. Some stay in love and some fall out of love. There is no one here who can tell you how this will pan out. Their stories as no use to you as it won't be your story. Can you not travel with him?

I personally wouldn't ever have a long distance relationship again. Have done it and it was hell. Tbh if you are wondering if he has fallen out of love with you after just 3 weeks then you may not be cut out for it either - some people just can't handle the separation.

road_high · 23-07-2014 7:37am

Did a 206 km one in ireland each way for two years. Would be very very reluctant to do one again. Unless there's a long term plan of one or other moving, then it'll go nowhere from my experience. Too little time together to really get to know someone too.

GalwayGirl26 · 23-07-2014 8:06am

Honestly? If you're having doubts and worries already it's not working out.
Long distance relationships can work (mine did), but as another poster said, you have to have a plan that will led you both to the same place eventually.

Scarinae · 23-07-2014 5:27pm

Hi OP, my relationship has been long distance for the best part of five years at this stage so I know how difficult it can be. I actually found adjusting to the distance to be the hardest part, even though at that stage we were only Dublin-London (he’s in Namibia now, so much further away than Dublin). It’s only been three weeks for you, so it’s no wonder you’re still adjusting to it. I still find that the toughest times are when we’ve just seen each other, especially if we don’t have another trip lined up, as that’s when I miss him the most. Do you have any plans to visit him, or does he have any plans to come back to Ireland for a visit? At least then you’d have something to look forward to.

I’ve personally found that communication is the most important part of making it work. New Zealand is probably about as far away as your partner could be from Ireland, and that time difference can’t be easy – you’re probably working and sleeping at totally different times, so finding a time to chat must be hard. If you have smartphones, messaging apps like Whatsapp or Viber are brilliant for cheaper texting, and there’s always Skype if you’re able to find a time that suits you both.

LDRs are very difficult. Travelling such a long distance is so expensive and time-consuming, it sucks not having your partner around when you need them, and you’ll probably miss things like birthdays, anniversaries etc. You have to communicate well and completely trust each other. Is that something you can do? What does he think about it - did you talk about your future together before he left?

VelocityGirl · 23-07-2014 8:33pm

There's long distance and there's looong distance! As Scarinae mentions Irl-NZ is about as long distance as you can get. I've done extreme long distance (UK-OZ) once unsuccessfully over 10 years ago. My current relationship is also long distance - Irl-OZ - which I feel much more positive about in spite of the challenges. I can understand how difficult it is.

It can be tough to deal with the emotional rollercoaster in the relationship. Small changes in communication - words, frequency, style or timing - can get your mind thinking something is wrong and it can be hard to talk that over via IM/Text or a call. At times when I've been worried about something I've just had to say to myself 'Chill the f**k out!' and it passes - I was overthinking it.

Sometimes you have to take a step back and let things happen - the closeness that makes relationships special can still be achieved even over long distance. Easy access to Skype, Viber & Whatsapp on smartphones helps us share feelings and thoughts we may not even share face to face. I think I am learning things in my relationship that I may not have if we were meeting regularly in the same city.

The Irl-NZ/OZ time zone difference is a tough one. You might be having lunch in work and they are coming in from the pub wanting to chat

In my case, we normally chat about rather mundane things through the week then make some time at the weekend to call and have more time together.

Nothing can replace physical contact so I would certainly recommend having a plan to meet at some point. Easier said than done of course. However you never know...perhaps this is your opportunity to have an adventure you never even considered and spend some time in NZ?

Goodluck!

Long distance relationship. .waste of time?

Comments